After an hour of sleep, I am finally off to Texas to see Patty….or as I like to refer to her at times…my other mother.
After battling her sixth brain tumor, caused from the spread of her breast cancer, she has now been told she has many tumors along her spine and in her spinal fluid….AND only one week after her last radiation treatment.
She is numb in several areas, and cannot walk due to pain/ numbness to her left leg/foot and back. She's very alert, but often forgets what's she's been told, due to the tumors and pain meds. This is very frustrating for her.
It isn't fair that one person should have to endure all of this, though she remains positive…..yet scared.
For the last two days…even before that really, I have been trying to process this information. I have a constant knot in the pit of my stomach, and I'm on the verge of tears any minute…Someone just has to say the right thing, or give me the right hug, to start the process.
I can't stand to listen to how much pain she is in. I makes my heart hurt, when I hear her scared words, or the sad things she's said to other people. It makes me upset that she's crying and grieving, without me there to hug her and somehow assure her that its going to be okay.
However, each time I have talked with her, she doesn't allow herself to cry….she is a tough bird!! But I feel useless here…… I am no help to her here.
That being said…..I'm going to see her, in an impromptu fashion. She doesn't know I'm coming. I did this partly because I want to surprise her, and partly because the last time I was coming she paced and cried all day, constantly asking my dad when I would be there.
In addition, my dad doesn't know I'm coming either. Friday is his birthday, which I'm sure is one he will remember well!! I'm hoping to give him a few days to take some naps, drink himself to oblivion, take a bath, scream in a pillow….whatever he feels like doing. I feel like that's the best I got for a birthday present. He has been her number one supporter through this whole journey…..and a good one at that!
After I got home from work last night, I looked frantically for a last minute, reasonably priced flight….which led me to purchasing an unreasonably priced, last minute ticket!… At least it allowed for me to leave first thing in the morning.
This morning I am tired and anxious, but feeling so grateful for my “other half” Renee. Without complaining, she has taken on my mom duties and hers for the next several days. I am lucky to be so supported and I just want to say how thankful I am to have her.
My kids have been gems. They each embraced me before leaving, making sure I hugged their grandma for them. They also were worried about me, and told me to tell the pilot to drive safely. They were all okay to miss certain events this week, if need be. They were selfless, and empathetic. I am so grateful for them.
My friend Michelle has agreed to take three of our kids to school today, against her better judgement….and very early for that matter, so that Renee doesn't have to miss work. I am so thankful for her.
A handful of other people have agreed to stop their lives for a moment to help get our kids to an event, or to stay late at work for Renee, or to move my work schedule around so that I could come on this trip. I am so grateful for them.
Sometimes, its impossible to get things done without the assistance of other kind souls. Even though Patty, as well as our close knit family, are faced with another hurdle, I know it's important to be thankful for what we have….which is ALOT. I thank God for that!
It's probably going to be a very tiring and emotional weekend, but one that we all desperately need. I look forward to wrapping my arms around my ailing, but still healing mama!!
And mostly…..I can't wait to walk in to her hospital room and use this line……. “I'm sorry I missed your phone call this morning….I guess this will have to do”! (chuckle chuckle. Sometimes I even crack my own self up).
Please keep your prayers coming!!!