funny, humor, mom humor, parenting

Stranger in town!!!

The people I live with often think I have a heightened since of smell. I personally think it could be related to the fact that I have 4 children that emit a variety of foul smells, and an elderly dog with irritable bowel syndrome and chronic flatulence. I frequently turn the corner in my home and have to say “What's that smell”? Everyone tenses up, hoping I'm not about ready to go on a rampage, smelling everyone's backsides, front sides, and armpits, while having them check their shoes. And just like clockwork, every single one of them, including my dear, dear, loving partner Renee, says “What smell”?, as though I'm a complete lunatic! I have come to the conclusion, that they say this, in hopes that, I too, will believe there is, in fact, no smell, so that I won't go tearing through the house, and their rooms, until I finally find the source of the aroma. I never have actually fallen for their shenanigans, and I still can't figure out why they are comfortable pretending that the smells of urine, dog flatus, rotting food under beds, and shoes soaked in pond water are natural smells, that obviously don't interrupt their meal times. Well, I REFUSE to live my life gagging, coughing, and dry heaving over smells, in my OWN home!!!!!

So… This morning, while I still lay in bed, I awoke to an odd smell. It seemed distinctive, but I couldn't place it. At first I thought it was the smell of my own rotting sinuses, due to the high pollen count, but I couldn't be sure. As I rounded the corner to my kitchen, where the kids were eating breakfast, I again said “What's that smell”? In unison, I heard “What smell, I don't smell anything, is it my shampoo”? Then I looked at the dog, who for once didn't have her head down, with her tail between her legs, but instead held her head high, with her chest thrusted forward, because for once, we both knew it wasn't her. The smell was all through the house, and if I had to describe it I would say it was a mix of garlic, body odor, patchouli, feet, and persimmon. The kids were happy to go to school, and I was ready to start my mission. But, I absolutely could not find the source!!! So, I called Renee at work, hoping she could give me some insight, but sometimes I really wish I didn't ask her questions, because her responses can sometimes leave me speechless and irritable. After being as descriptive as I possibly could about the smell, she said “Well, I did spray quite a bit of Lysol, in every room of the house yesterday”. NOW let me reiterate, that at NO point did I describe a fresh fragrance of fresh linen or lilacs. Anyway, to get my mind off of it, I decided to take a hot shower.

About midway through my shower, I looked down to find this massive piece of black hair near my drain. None of my family has anywhere near this color of hair, and we have had no house guests, that we are aware of. I don't know why it took me so long to notice, but I was startled, so my natural, first instinct, was to cover my genitals, and peer around the shower curtain. Then I laughed outwardly to myself, remembering that the door was locked, and if a stranger broke into my home to take a shower, they were probably gone by now, or hiding, in a secret area of my home, where they've set up their bedroom. Regardless, it suddenly became clear that the smell was coming from the stranger that was living in my home. Finally, I could relax. But then I examined this picture I took of the black hair in my shower, in hopes that if someone recognized it, they could alert me. But then I noticed something else, that got me stirred up again. Did a snake shed its skin in my shower as well????………

 

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8 thoughts on “Stranger in town!!!

    • I still don’t know what the smell is:). I only hope that hair is from a Barbie doll, but no one is home yet to question!! Upon further examination, after viewing the photo, it was a plastic piece from something. I hope this didn’t ruin the storyline for you:):):). Thanks for reading it…

  1. Obviously it was left as a loving gesture from a smelly stranger, as I am surprised you either haven’t noticed or choose to ignore, the prominate heart emblem he/?she left.

    • This persons health problems are not my concern, since I’ve already provided them with shelter, heat/electricity, water, and I assume food. Though I don’t know where she got the persimmon?:)

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