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Can I PLEEEEZ wear the tool belt?……..

Most people who know me, think I exel at most everything. Well, maybe that's how I picture them picturing me:). In truth, there are many things I can't do well. I can't hula hoop. I'm unable to pick things up with my toes. I usually can't beat anyone in arm wrestling. I can't pat my head and rub my belly in a clockwise fashion at the same time. I'm horrible at math, specifically measuring and fractions, and I am incapable of safely handling power tools.

Recently, my wonderful friend and neighbor asked me to help her do a woodworking project, for our upcoming school disco party. I shamefully admitted that I was horrible at measuring anything, especially involving food, woodworking, or liquor, and told her I wasn't that stellar at using power saws either. I think she was really surprised to learn about my imperfections, but smiled and basically told me that where my skills lacked, hers would take over. I thought it was a little odd that she still wanted my disgraceful help, but hind sights 20/20, and now I know why. This was her day to shine, show off her knowledge, and astound me with her wood working skills. From the beginning, she had the Lowes assistant eating out of the palm of her hand, as she spouted out her needs, in words I've never heard before. I've never seen this happen before, but he stayed with us for our entire shopping trip, and all the way back to the car. Back at the house, she continued exhibiting skills that I could never match. All of her power tools, pencils, tape measures, card table, vacuum, primer, etc, was all on display. I couldn't wait to get started, because I'd simply never been trusted this much with woodworking. I wondered what she'd have me do……

Suddenly I entered a day dream state, and started to recall times when I was a kid when my dad would try and teach me how to do these things. But something is really wrong with that part of my brain, because it is unable to absorb this kind of information. So he would tell people I had helped him make these beautiful things, but really I just held the boards and asked him really annoying questions that weren't related to the project. This is the same thing that happens when Renee starts a project at our house. She gets out the power tools and boards and always asks for help when she needs a “board holder”. It's fine, because I really have no interest in doing it. So I just pretend to nail in a few loose nails, so I can wear a tool belt, and shout to the kids to get mommy a wrench and a beer.

Soon I came back to reality, and knew that today would be different. I was gonna really help!!!! So,I watched as my friend diligently compared her rough draft to the plain piece of ply wood in front of us. I waited patiently as she measured for proper cuts with the saw. I said “I agree”, when she asked me what I thought about her ideas, just to try and include me. Once, I asked what I could do to help, and she murmured something about drawing a trace of something, that trailed off as she walked away from me with the only pencil. Then it finally happened!!!!! She told me I could hold the board while she sawed, because “Sometimes the boards get wobbly”. I'd like to say I was surprised or disappointed, but its happened so many times, I'm numb. Plus, her abilities really did fascinate me, at least until my legs got pelted with, what I thought at the time, were wood chips from her sawing session. However, when I ran to safety to the other side of the table, and when she finally stopped sawing, despite my yells of pain, we both realized it was really metal shards hitting me, from when she accidentally sawed through the card table hinges, in addition to her board.

Despite all of this, I really didn't mind being the board holder, vacuumer, plugger inner of power cords, and drink getter. This was obviously the role I was meant to play. Truthfully, what I really wanted to do is try on the goodwill dress she had bought me. I know it was probably a bribe, so she could get a good assistant, but I felt on top of the world, if only for a minute, when she let me hold a real live electric sander, so I could pretend I was sanding while wearing my new house dress/ballroom gown. What another great day:):):)

 

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