funny, humor, mom humor, parenting

Taking A Turn….

When you become a parent, it becomes eminent that the needs of others come before your own. It seems like every time I go to the store, I am picking up yet another new item for one of my cherubs, that they certainly don't need, but “it's just so cute”. The rational side of my brain tries to talk me out of buying it, but the other side tells me how much use they will get out of it, what with summer vacations, family reunions, and holidays coming up. Their clothes closets are plenty full, they have shoes for all occasions, and their underwear and sock drawers are overflowing, leaving them with more options than necessary for their comfort. Most days I don't even think about it, because that's just normal, but occasionally something occurs that gets me stirred up about the subject.

As I was getting ready for work the other day, I was in a hurry as usual. I bent down to pick up the hair dryer, bent down to get my shoes, leaned down to get my jacket out of the dryer, and bent down to get my lunch bag out of the refrigerator. Each time I did this, my underwear would ride all the way up, to uncomfortable levels. Not just because it was irritating, but also because I was wasting so much extra time by having to stop what I was doing and reach down the back of my work pants, so I could fetch what was lost. It wasn't because they were too small or skimpy, but actually the contrary. These STUPID granny panties, I guess from being washed and dried so often in the past 14 years, had no elastic left, surrounding either of my legs, so they just hung, like tiny boxer shorts. The only perk to this was that my “dollops”, that usually hang below the elastic in the back, could not be seen. But really, this was ridiculous. It would be one thing if this was my only pair of saggedies, but I have more, than not. REALLY, how much would a six sack of Hanes her ways set me back anyway? 10 bucks tops!! I certainly had no problems shelling out $80 for a few bottles of wine last week, and wine doesn't last like a good Hanes product does!!

Next I race on to the kitchen to get my to-go coffee, before I rush out. I again find myself wondering WHAT IS HAPPENING??? We have no “real” to-go coffee mugs left. What I have been using for the last few weeks is just the coffee liner, that was once a full mug, but all of the outside plastic broke off, leaving me with this treasure. There is a large plastic nodule on the bottom of the cup, that used to attach it to the main part, so it wont stand up on its own. So, I had to lean it on something sturdy while I gathered the rest of my things. I picked it up to leave, but the outside was too hot to hold, so I had to wrap a paper towel around it to manage it. When I went to take a sip, coffee spilled all over my shoes, because the seal was offline, so it wouldn't close all the way. All the way to work, I had to take the lid off to take drinks, but had to be extra careful when I set it down, so it wouldn't tip. Kinda defeats the purpose of a “to go” mug in my opinion.

That's only the comparrison between “things” that you have, versus what your kids have. What about the amount of places we go for them, compared to where we go for ourselves? Well, after a year of swim practice, dance class, choir, baseball practice, among a variety of other, ever occurring school events, I finally get my moment. In two days I'm going to run the mini marathon, that I've trained for all year. Even though they also have events that day, every year I make them recognize it as “my day”, not theirs! Every year they whine, “How early do we have to get up? How long is it going to take? Am I still going to make it to my game? But mama, I have pictures”! I will agree that, not unlike my birthday, I do seem to try to extend the festivities longer than necessary, but honestly, this is infuriating! Seriously, parents deserve to be recognized everyday, after parading them around to all their events like chauffeurs, picking up after them like their maid servants, and entertaining them as much as possible, without so much as a thank you, but instead hearing them say “I'm bored”!!

WELL, I'm taking my day, even as they lean their heads against railings out of boredom, and constantly remind us they're hungry, and asking why we didn't bring snacks. While they continue ranting in a pool of their own selfish needs, I'm going to smile and say thank you you little sweetie, because I'm going to pretend they are showing me a thoughtful sign that they made for me, that says “My mom knows how to get it done”, while they are telling me good luck. And after its over, I'm going to have a celebratory drink with my running mates, and then I'm going to take a nap. After I wake up I'm going to let them listen to me whine and complain about my old tired and sore bones and muscles, all night, while having to suffer through the aroma of BenGay, that I will purposely put on extra thick. Then I'm going to have a glass of wine and go to bed. So, I'm going to shout for my own self right now….GO ME:)



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