As was leaving work last night, and enjoying my celebratory Dilly Bar that I got for Nurses week, I was reflecting on what a “not so fantastic” day I had. This happened partly because I was busy, when I simply didn't want to be, and mostly because of my poor attitude and state of being….. To put it plainly, lets just say I did a lot of whining.
Sometimes I just wake up angry and emotional. Any one thing a person says to me can be interpreted as mean, rude, or hurtful, at any time, and not necessarily every time. On these days, I usually decide that I have no room for this cruelty in my life, so changes are going to be made, starting today! Who can I credit for giving me this outlook on life? HORMONES!
HORMONES can play nasty tricks on our brains, and bodies as a whole. Sometimes I wish they would just GO AWAY! But then I remember that these same hormones play a large role in helping to define me as a woman…. Making me look SO feminine:). Also they help keep hair from growing in additional unwanted areas, and keep my voice in a tenor range. So I think I choose to keep them.
If I weren't in this frame of hormone induced psychosis, I would feel sorry for the people who have to be around me. Unfortunately, the way I see it now, it's nobody's fault but their own.
I can usually tell its going to happen, from the moment I gaze in the mirror, first thing in the morning. All I can see are the before pictures of the acne stat commercials looming before me. I can either leave these little white nodules, and try to cover them up with lots of makeup, or risk manipulating them and have red splotchy areas all over my face, plus the initial papule that will inevitably refill before I get a chance to look in the mirror again….hmmm… Why do we always choose to manipulate???? Oh…and is that a loose whisker on my chin? OF COURSE IT IS! This day sucks already, and I'm angry right away.
All it takes is for one person to say that first casual sentence, that just sends me over the edge. “Hey Tia, did you do something different with your hair”?…. Here I go….”No, why does it look stupid? It looks stupid doesn't it? I knew it, now people will be looking at it all day”. This is when it's best if I just go back to bed, but I CAN'T!
I also am the type of person that can't let it go, it's a problem I'm aware of. So, each time I can corner a different coworker, I do. And I start in again… “So and so basically told me my hair looks stupid, and I don't want to look stupid. You've just got to tell me the truth. Why would she say that?”. Of course, everyone tells me it looks good. “Better than usual”, if that's possible, just to ease my insecurities. Truthfully, all this does is get me thinking that they are probably looking at my splotchy face with wrinkles, so my hair probably DOES look good in comparison. It's a cycle that goes on all day.
A home, it just takes a simple question such as “Did you empty the dishwasher” from Renee, or a “Don't forget I have a field trip tomorrow Mama”, from one of my kids, to get me going again.
“I'm sorry?…. Don't you realize!….. Nobody appreciates anything I do!…I'm not the maid service!…. I go to work to pay for your field trips!…… Make your own lunch!….I'm never unloading the dishwasher again!…AHHHHHAHAHA! I NEED AIR! YOU ARE ALL SUFFOCATING ME”!!!!
How could they see this coming? There is just no way to warn them. And really, is it their fault or mine? I guess it depends on which day you ask me. The real life truth, the moral of the story, and the last thought provoking statement is this……… There is NO winning for ANYONE, in the battle of the hormones:)….