cancer

CANCER SUCKS!!!!!

Cancer = abnormal cell growth, that invades body tissues, and has the capacity to spread through blood vessels and/or the lymph system. It is estimated that half of American men, and 1/3 of American women will develop some form of cancer in their lifetIme.

Abnormal cell growth SUCKS! I HATE cancer!!!! Imagine how much YOU hate cancer, then multiply it by ten, and that's how much I hate it. I feel like I hate it more than anyone in the world right now, but I know that isnt even close to being true, because I have been fortunate, and have never lost anyone to this horrid diagnosis.

I have never had cancer myself, but people around me, ones I love and adore, keep getting it!! It isn't enough that they have to live through the diagnosis of CANCER, but then they have to drag themselves through all the chemo, radiation, removal of body parts, loss of hair, depression, and loss of self esteem. Their internal organs take GIANT hits from this “healing medication”, that their bodies never saw coming! They endure all of this, while somedays barely having the strength to go on, and they maintain positive attitudes, as well as they can, so that people won't feel too sorry for them, and because they are SCARED, and FIGHTING for their LIVES!!!!

I believe they have to tell themselves that it is worth all of this suffering, because they just want it out of their bodies, and want to go on with their lives. They look forward to being another success story, being someone that can lend a shoulder or ear to someone else who has just been diagnosed, and just want to say I'm cancer free!

At the beginning of this month, one of my own mothers, got to say this. She celebrated being cancer free, one year after being diagnosed with breast cancer. She was feeling a little down, because the CANCER had taken a toll on her body, and she was tired of having to “lay around”. She pepped up a little, when the DR told her she could start running again last Wednesday, after healing from her final surgery. She absolutely couldn't wait. She loves to run, and this has been one of the hardest things for her to give up, since starting her treatments.

So she headed out for her run, but found herself very frustrated. While she did enjoy getting out on the road again, massive headaches were debilitating to her, plus she was exhausted. Another week of these same symptoms, in addition to her increased confusion, led her back to the doctor. One CT scan and a day later, she learned that she has 3 cancer spots on her brain!!!!!! She starts Radiation again tomorrow, and she is promised to lose her hair and every ounce of her energy.

I am just saying again, out loud. That this woman is utterly AMAZING! AAAHH! I am so angry…for her. She delivered the news to me calmly, and with as much spirit as she could. I can't even imagine a fraction of what she is feeling, but again, she stays strong. Strong for me and strong for her. I have no doubt in my mind that she can beat it, but it doesn't take away from the fact that this SUCKS!

The other part that I hate, if that's not enough, is that they are so far away. Years ago, they moved to Texas to be warm, while the rest of us stayed in Indiana, so we could freeze to death in the winter. All I want to do is hug her, cry with her, and tell her everything will be okay. I know she knows these things, but it isn't the same. DAMN IT!

There are no really good ways to comfort people when they are diagnosed with cancer, especially if you've never had it yourself. I'm not saying they don't appreciate your sentiment, you hugs, or good wishes, but the situation is still at hand. I feel like I say the same thing everyone says like “Im so sorry”, and “can I make you a casserole or something”, and I feel so stupid! I mean….what can you say?? So, heres my best attempt…..

Patty, I love you so much. I'm here to support you, at any moment you need me. You are a strong woman whose brains are too smart to keep this crap in there, so lets GET IT OUT OKAY:)

All day today, I've had problems getting that lump out of my throat, that has kept me on the brink of tears, at any moment. So I took off on a run outside. It was the first time I ran, since the mini marathon, and it felt great. I kept thinking about all the whining and complaining I was doing over a bad run, my poor body not wanting to go, my self talk being poor, and I realized how minuscule that was, in the whole scheme of life.

Every year my family and I do the Race for the cure. We always have done it to celebrate my partner Renee (and/or the kids “other”mother, Mama R), because she also is a cancer survivor, that has been cancer free for ten years. This year we added Grandma. Since they were little, I always told them that when they felt like they could run the whole 5K, without walking, they could run with me. My oldest daughter started running with me at age six, and my boys have run it the last 3 years. Each year, both of my boys struggle with the last mile, they want to walk. Each year I say “would you rather have a side cramp or breast cancer”, then they sprint a little farther. Then we always say to each other, at the end, when they want to quit, that Mama didnt quit, and neither will we!!! I never took this conversation to heart as much as I do now.

Today, I just ran. First I started running to get rid of the lump out of my throat, then I ran in anger, then I just thought about all her thoughts and feelings, and then mine. I didn't time myself, I never thought about my aches or pains, just her. Her body isn't ready to run yet, but it will be soon….. Until then, Patty, BEAT THAT CANCERS ASS!!!!!! I LOVE YOU:)

 

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6 thoughts on “CANCER SUCKS!!!!!

  1. Pingback: Cancer Chronicles: Watching & Waiting. | McGSquared

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