funny, humor, society, travel

Should I Fly…OR…Ride???

It is a TRUE FACT that more people are killed by donkeys in a year, than by planes…..


It's not just because when I buy a bag of Nuts & Chocolate, for the inflated price of $4.29, in the airport kiosk, that I expect to only get THOSE ingredients, without raisins, either!……

It's also not because I often get seated next to the morbidly obese man, who usually takes up all of my arm space, and part of my lap…. Although, I don't enjoy the experience…

It's not even due to the fact that the seats keep moving closer together, while ticket prices are soaring higher than ever, and while the headrests get harder and harder, so they no longer form to the natural contour of your neck, like they used to:). ….

After last nights flight, it became clear that a large portion of my disdain of flying, comes from the flight attendants becoming ruder and ruder, while their job requirements are becoming less and less.

No one really buys food on the plane, due to the high prices, and because we already spent all our money upgrading our tickets, so we can be the first ones on the plane!!!??….So they aren't serving food!…. They aren't handing headsets out, they aren't giving out pillows, they aren't offering a blanket, or handing out peanuts. Other than offering a soda, and bossing people around, I don't understand what could be stressful, to make them so angry.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot!….. They do give those those informative safety tips, at the beginning, that no one listens to, and they berate customers for bringing too much luggage, that never fits in the overhead.

Yesterday, I watched as this gentleman loaded the plane, with his GIANT backpack. He was in one of the last handfuls of people to board, and the overhead bins were pretty full. As he struggled to try and shove his overstuffed bag, into a tiny spot, the flight attendant stood scowling, with her hands on her hips, with a look that said “So, what are you going to do”? She then tells him that it won't fit, and there's nowhere to put it.!!!

He was very frustrated, and said “I'm just coming home from Afghanistan. This is my 6th flight, and I just want to go home”!. She simply responded “Youre going to have to remove things from that bag, to make it flatter”…… Seriously, can the guy catch a break?

Directly after this, I listened to a different flight attendant demand the attention of the entire exit row….immediately. “Sir!… Earphones!.. Remove your earphones”! She then told them the whole spiel about what to do if the plane went down. She said they all have to be able to lift 50 lbs without the help from ANYONE!…..Not spouses, partners, family, friends, or cousins… She was very specific!

Then she said she was going to need them to each say a VERBAL yes to this task, one person at a time. If they were unable to speak English, they would be unable to sit in the row.


What if the majority of people on the plane were Mexican, and were just heading home, after celebrating Cinco de Mayo, in the United States? Who would save us then? This made no sense!!

Anyway, they all said YES, except for one man who stared at her, like he didnt understand. I thought for sure his seat was about to free up, because he couldn't speak English…. She shouted at him “Sir, did you hear anything I just said”??!! She had now gained the attention of all the passengers close by. Turns out, he could speak English, he was just tired, and he wasn't listening, like everyone else!

Realistically, does it really matter if they listened, or what language they could speak? I feel like if the plane were to start “going down”, everyone would panic, no one would know what they were doing, we would have to ask for help from our spouses or partners, and we all would wish we would have listened to the flight attendants speech at the beginning.

But…. Is there really a need to be rude? What ever happened to treating others the way you want to be treated?

Aside from, the grouchy flight attendants, the main reason I hate flying is because every time the plane takes off or lands, I am certain the plane is going to blow up, and my flesh and bones will fly in all different directions, never to be put back together again! I'm sure I will die each time. My heart starts beating out of my chest, I'm grasping my seat handles, or handle (singular), if the obese man is sitting on my lap, like a lunatic, and then I close my eyes so tightly, that I'm certain I can wrap my upper eyelid down over my chin!!

Obviously, I've not died in a plane crash yet, and hopefully this superstiscious ritual I just mentioned, will continue to work.

But this is the real honest truth…… If I had my choice, and donkeys could run as fast as planes could fly, I think I would take my chances with the donkey!!!




4 thoughts on “Should I Fly…OR…Ride???

  1. I also hate flying, though I loved it as a kid…. We had an experience once where we were circling Munich and the pilot eventually said that we would probably have to head to Zurich even though he noted that we don’t have enough fuel and to keep our fingers crossed. I so could have done without that last bit… I absolutely hate flying!

    • LOL. That would DEFINATELY be a bad experience…..after we landed this time, the pilot said for everyone to get their stuff off the plane, because there was a part they needed to do maintenance on!! I’m just glad they didn’t tell us that in the air!!:)

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