funny, health, humor, humour, mom humor, parenting, society

PERKY? SAGGEDY? OR SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN?

I'm not sure why I get so bothered when people make comments like “You're lucky! Your breasts are so small and perky”?….. I wish I would just go with it, and tell them that I KNOW I'm lucky, and that God really knew what he was doing, when he made these knockers:)…… BUT…I don't!!

First of all, they're not small, and anyone who's viewed them “unstrapped”, in or out of a shirt, would agree that they sure aint perky. I've had these ladies hanging off my body for greater than half of my life. I've gained weight and lost weight too many times to count, causing stretch marks, in very odd areas.

I've never had a baby, and I've never been a wet nurse, and I don't want to even think of what they'd look like if I had!

The truth is, they are saggedy! I cram these ladies into that cup, every day, and then tighten the strap as far as it will go. I really don't care if its uncomfortable in the back, around my scapula, where the elastic quickly runs thin. I just want want them to appear like they're perky and small.

So why do I argue with people when they make this statement?

I think because I don't want to be different. I want people to think these things about me and talk amongst themselves, but I DO NOT want them to make it abundantly clear to me.

Today I was talking with two of my peers at work. One was 8 months pregnant, and the other one, is a person that always seems to remind me that she's old enough to be my mother. They were talking about their big, saggety lady parts, and how they have to special order their bras, to even manage the massiveness of their blossoming mounds! Then, they looked at me, and said “You're lucky”….YADA YADA YADA, so forth and so on…….

I didn't want them to exclude me from their club, I wanted big saggety breasts too. So instead of feeling good, and gloating to myself about how much I fooled them with brassiere trickery, I started to argue. I started to prove my point that my ladies were every bit as grotesque as theirs!! I even went so far to ask if they wanted me to prove it right now!!!!

Surprisingly….they didnt!!?? We had a good laugh about the whole thing, after they finally agreed that my breasts were barbaric! I guess it's like anything else. If we have curly hair, we want straight hair. If we have no butt, we want one… And vice versa. …. If we have large breasts, we want them smaller, and if we have small breasts, we want them larger…. And most importantly…. If we have moderate sized tube sock shaped breasts, but want people to believe they are small and perky…. but then someone tells you they are small and perky, and you argue that they are large, wrinkly, stretch marked, and saggedy????……

Then what you really want is ……. To figure out how to get them to believe that your breasts are small and perky again!!!!! But then again, I guess we should just learn to like our bodies for what they are, or at least what we pretend they are.

 

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