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An Unpleasant Lunch, With an Uninvited Guest!!!!

I have never been a true believer in people feeding squirrels… Don't get me wrong, I think squirrels are cute little critters, and I enjoy watching them play in my yard year round. However, I would not try to resuscitate one, if I hit one with my car, and I certainly wouldn't pet one, if it got really close to me!

City squirrels are becoming tamer and tamer, in many senses….. Mostly in the sense that they aren't afraid of people anymore. In my expert squirrel opinion, I think it's partly due to humans invading their space, more and more, with our new housing editions, hospital upgrades, parking garages, and high dollar tree houses. But the main reason is because “animal huggers”, and “idiots” are feeding them what's left of their lunches!!!

When I am at work, every spring and summer, I try to eat outside during my lunch break. There is a cute little eating area, that is partially shaded and partially sunny, to satisfy every persons needs. I love sitting out there, but some days I feel like I'm in the first scene, of the movie Cinderella, when all the birds, rabbits, squirrels, fawns, and billy goats are singing all around her.

Sometimes when I'm sitting out there, birds will land directly on my table, begging for a sliver of bread off of my sandwich, and the squirrels will stalk people, by jumping table to table, while making AMAZING, human-like, eye contact…… I didn't even know that squirrels ate turkey. I have never seen them hunt turkeys in the wild anyway. All I know, is that I'm not eating any kind of nuts for lunch, so what is it that they're wanting!!!!

When you are lucky enough to find a seat in this area, that the squirrels haven't noticed, it can be a REAL treat… Especially if you get a chance to watch these little rodents harass OTHER diners:)! People really make fools of themselves…. Screaming “Scat” and “Get away”, while chasing it and swatting at it like a fly, and while trying to save their sandwich from a bird, with a wandering eye. Sometimes I watch them and giggle to myself, thinking things like “You poor old sod”, even though I'm not British, or Australian, or from any country where this phrase may have originated.

Yesterday, I got a chance to eat out there again, and it appeared to be bird and squirrel free. I was enjoying the sun beating down on my face, and was thankful to be able to eat my meal in silence and solitude, so that I could catch up on the latest Brad and Angelina gossip.

It wasn't long, however, before I heard a lady yelling “Go on…Get! I'm not giving you a bite!…. Go bother someone else! At first I was just trying to ignore it, because the lady was behind me, and I would have had to crane my neck to see her.. But then I heard the sounds of her loudly EEKING, and slamming and swatting at the table! My curiosity got the best of me, and I had to look. She was jumping around FOOLISHLY! It was really HILARIOUS! I actually laughed out loud, and then quickly turned back to my relaxing magazine…. POOR SOD!

I hate to laugh at other people's expenses…but if its funny??….. Well, the funniness lost its luster, when that squirrel left her table, after that fake seizure she had just displayed, and now was standing on the stoop, directly across from MY table, and was ogling my belongings!! WHY DID THAT LADY HAVE TO PUT HER PROBLEMS ONTO ME??!!!

I nonchalantly waved my hand at it, hoping no one was looking my way, for their lunchtime entertainment. I felt relief when it took two steps in the opposite direction, but then IMMEDIATELY jumped in terror, when it quickly turned its head back toward me, and then “fake lunged” at me!! I was clearly no match for this little terror! I didn't even bother shooing, swatting, or chasing the thing, because I was smarter than that…

Instead…..I RAN FOR DEAR LIFE!!! I saved as many belongings as I could.

The moment I left the table, he was scouring it for samples, and looking at me like “I dare you to come back”! In all honesty, I feel lucky that I have lived to tell this story today. What are these things breeding with these days anyway??!!

In the end, I found a small squirrelless corner to sit it, but got rid of my food, just in case. I spent half of my lunch considering these rabid squirrels, which was a waste of my precious brain cells. I was determined that from now on, I would stand up to these squirrels, and would start reprimanding people, if I witnessed them feeding these creatures.

On my way back inside, I saw a couple of idiots, luring that same stupid squirrel to their table, with pieces of their own sandwiches. The man was actually patting the concrete, and calling it like a dog. What was he going to do with it, if it came to him? Hold it, and pet it, and love it? Seriously, I was really going to say something to these people….. But it looked like they could beat me up…… So I've decided I'll just start the next time….

 

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