family, funny, humor, humour, kids, mom humor, parenting

Even PETS Have Bad Habits!!!!

Most people in the world, probably have at least one bad habit. We can DEFINATELY point out others bad habits, and sometimes admit to our own. However, I rarely hear people point out the bad habits of their pets. Well, today is the day, because I've had it!! The secret is out Amstel (our dog)…. The jig is up!!

I've always had a love/dont like very much relationship with this dog. I'm not really mean to her, but I certainly have never cuddled on the couch with her. Renee had this dog, prior to our meeting, so while I call her “our” dog, I've never really considered her mine. I feed her and water her, and that about sums it up…..

ACTUALLY, THAT DOESN'T SUM IT UP AT ALL…. I DEAL WITH HER NONSENSE CONSTANTLY!!!!!

First of all, she's completely neurotic! She has been on prescription drugs and over the counter drugs, as long as I've known her. I've often times gone to reach for a Benadryl, and its gone… Renee has had to tell me, with her head down, that Amstel has taken the last of the medicine yet again! She is scared of storms, fireworks..anything that makes noise. Benadryl soothes her fears. Recently Renee started her on anti depressants??!!! What exactly does she have to be depressed about??

Well maybe it worked, she has been smiling more and crying less. Come on!!!!

In addition to her bad habit of pill popping, she also has trouble keeping her panting under control. She has interrupted so many shows and movies with this sound, that I lost count. It doesn't matter how many times you turn the tv up, she will pant louder. Inevitably she will ruin the show with her heavy breathing, right at the climax of the movie, when I'm about to cry, or jump out of my skin with fear. “Amstel”! I yell! “STOP IT NOW”!…. She doesn't stop, so I kick my foot or throw a pillow, to get her attention. Nothing works for longer than 15 seconds, when she starts again. I end up having to grab her by the collar to move her out of the room, because she will listen to nothing I say. This causes the children to start screaming and crying at me saying “You didn't have to hurt her. That wasn't necessary”!…

Just for the record, I don't ever hurt the dog. I simply take her outside, while she drags her feet the entire way! The kids can be so dramatic, so their wailing over the dog, continues through more of the movie, and the show is then ruined!

Another bad habit that Amstel has, is not excusing herself to the bathroom to expell flatus! She went through a period of clearing the room about every ten minutes. Actually, that's an exaggeration… It only cleared me out, because the rest of my family would get so used to breathing this air, that they wouldn't even move from their spot, let alone notice the horrendous foul smelling odor, that I know has gotten past the threshold of the cilia in their nares! I refuse to get used to this smell.. Those flatus spores are not supposed to be in my lung fields!!!

After I was the one who switched her dog food, this bad habit stopped, but then she started urinating on ALL OF MY RUGS! She is hardly ever left home alone, because Renee and I work on opposite days. She has plenty of opportunities to go outside to use the facilities, but why should she have to….she's depressed! This dog was driving me CRAZY, and she finally pushed me too far. She was now outside for most of the day, and quarantined to the kitchen at night. She could only roam free in the house if Renee watched her non stop!

I think Amstel realized my seriousness, because she started working on this bad habit. After her antidepressants started kicking in, she was able to hold her own urine again.

Once this habit was broken, she naturally had to find a new one. Her new thing is to poop on the floor of one of my boys' rooms, almost every day…..but only when Renee isn't here!!! Ahhhh! How could I ever form a friendship with this creature. The boys get mad, and talk about giving her away, while they clean up the piles of feces off their floors. They clog my toilet up with toilet paper every time, because they use close to an entire roll to clean it up, to ensure that not even a tiny fleck of it touches their finger.

The thing is, they are much more forgiving than me. As soon as the mess is cleaned up, they want to let her back in the house! “She did that a long time ago mama”!….. No… It was less than an hour ago! She lures them in with her sad eyes at the back door, but that trick doesn't work for me…. Remember this next time AMSTEL!

The dog has to be about 14, but shows no signs of slowing down. This could go on for years!

Its not that I don't like animals, I guess I was just raised differently. A dog is exactly that…a dog. I find it silly when dogs wear sweaters, because they get cold in the winter….that they must have a dog bed outside, because the grass is too hard… That you can now place your dog on a organ donor list…..that dogs are on antidepressants….that they need music playing in the background, when they are left at home alone….and that they get the spot on the couch, even before a houseguest does.

I often times wonder how dogs were able to survive in the wild, prior to human intervention!!!!?

 

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2 thoughts on “Even PETS Have Bad Habits!!!!

    • Grr! She makes me so angry… I think she was glaring at me when I took this photo:):) no poop yet today though….so were are friends at least so far today!

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