funny, humor, humour, society


I often times wish I was given the brain capacity it would take to come up with ingenious ideas, such as the one above…. but I guess we can't have it all!

I'm sure I'm not the only one who can relate to misplacing their beer every now and again….Especially if I'm the host, and am having to entertain people in between swallows! What a fascinating idea.. Simply place your beer into a coozie with an alarm….hold on to the remote…and when you loose your beer, you just listen for the beep. The MAN who invented this must be loaded!!!

I've always been fascinated by invention ideas, even as a kid. I would watch inspector gadget, and wish I could be more like Penny. I would also watch a multitude of movies such as…Goonies, Willy Wonka, Back to the future, and Honey I shrunk the Kids, with various smart inventors, and be in awe of their abilities! SURE…I tried my hand at a few duds in my youth, but it just wasn't a skill I possessed. I was destined to be just a running, guitar playing, singing, dancing, wine drinking nurse, who just happened to be a mother too!

As an adult I have toyed with a couple of inventions, and though I haven't gotten them patented yet,I think eventually I could make a meager salary from them.

My first invention idea came shortly after I learned about a new trend on the rise called VAGAZZLING! VAGAZZLING is the act of applying glitter and jewels to a woman's bikini area, for aesthetic purposes. It just so happens that I got invited to go on a boat trip with some ladies from work, in the same month that this VAGAZZLING craze was occurring!

Naturally, I wanted my lady parts to look nice, but I was still shy around some of the ladies, and I always thought that my majoras were a little longer than they should be… Not EVERYONE is comfortable letting it all hang out, damn it! This is a cruel world….but I still wanted to be cool and hip… And it wasn't often I got invited out!!!

So, I designed a pair of underpants that looked as though I was vagazzled. I spray painted a pair of granny panties a nude color…as close to my skin tone as possible. Then I used steel wool to create the image of well groomed hair. Next I hot glued on jewels across the front, spelling out the word….. B O A T S! So people would think it was real, I draped the top of the panty with a sarong….so you couldn't see the line.

To this day, I'm certain they think I paid high dollar for my vagazzling, and it wasn't real!!! I think I could charge about $19/pair and throw in a free razor to the first 100 customers… I could be helping women everywhere, plus put a few dollars in my pocket!

My next invention came at work, about a year before we were going to move to our completely new unit! All of our equipment was breaking, and no one was really investing ALOT of money to fix things, since we wouldn't be here much longer. Well, all of the soap dispensers kept falling off of the walls, leaving us soapless! Since we work in a hospital, this clearly wasn't an option. After removing the inner soap container, from the dispenser, I got a grand idea!

I was able to harness the bottle of soap to the sink, using old Velcro restraints, and a bit of tape. I spelled the word SOAP across the front, in black sharpee marker so the substance would be recognized. The problem was, the only way to get the soap out was to squeeze the utter like object at the bottom….which was tricky. Another helper and I gave quick inservices on how to use this device properly. You had to start at the top and squeeze downward, much like milking a cow! People caught on amazingly fast! They all agreed that their arms didnt get nearly as sore using my invention, because they weren't having to pump the handle of the dispenser!

I think this could really cut down on the instances of carpel tunnel, and rotator cuff injuries. Unfortunately, like all good things, my dispenser was taken down by morning, and a new REAL DISPENSER was back in place:(. But that doesn't mean another hospital wouldn't like to invest in my product… I needed to get a patent!

Sadly, I think someone already stole my idea! When I was recently dining in a Greek restaurant, I found myself in the bathroom of their facility. Imagine my surprise when I saw this soap dispenser! It looked almost like my contraption, except theirs was encased in plastic, and had a screw holding it together! The cow utter and the tape though…..both there!!! That's what happens when you procrastinate on getting a patent!

For now, I guess I'm going to settle for being enamored with other people's inventions, because I'm not cut out for the stressors of inventing. Check out some of the brilliant PATENTED ideas I've found recently!!

Forget the ski mask! This is classier, and can be made at home, for cheap!

How many times have you been camping, or mushroom hunting, and been scared to death that you would be shot while urinating, by a camouflaged hunter? Nuh uh….Not with this GENIOUS invention!

This speaks for itself really! I could have used this for my Fourth of July party, when it was pouring down rain, instead of those stupid umbrellas! We could have continued our conversations instead of running to the garage like a bunch of babies!

Lastly are these gems below! WOW! This takes snuggies for two, to a different level doesn't it! Not only are they probably comfy, and allow for ALOT of intimate conversation and snuggle time…. If you ran out of clean underwear, and just had about thirty minutes to wait before the dryer was done so you could don a fresh clean pair….you could just share with a loved one!! BRILLIANCE I TELL YA…SHEER BRILLIANCE!:)




    • Don’t worry, it was a shock to me too when I heard of it! What could be a real occasion for it? Fourth of July… Easter….family reunions? I just wonder how many people would be seeing your design…you know??? Hmmmm

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