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My NEXT Dentist Appointment Will Be On April Fools Day!

Going to the dentist never brings positive thoughts from anyone. For me though, it's not so much the sound of my teeth being ground down to nothing, or the hard plastic piece they put in my mouth that tears holes on the inside of my mouth every time…'s not even just because I seem to have a small “fake” cavity that they need to fill, every other time I visit!!

I think what I dread the most is being lectured, as though I'm a small child. I always leave there feeling dirty and unkempt, after they've torn down my self esteem for a half hour or greater!

The last 2 times I've gone to the dentist, I have had the same hygienist. I'm going to call her Leesa, because that's her name and I don't feel like protecting her privacy right now.

Last time I went, she politely lectured me about how important it is for me to floss, after I told her I wasn't a good flosser, and that I hadn't yet made it a priority in my life. I believe that admitting the problem is half the battle :). Anyway, she asked me nicely to make a pact with myself to floss my teeth just one more time a week than I was currently, which would add up to …One time a week on average.

The time before that visit, the dentist told me that I need to brush my teeth at night too….not just in the morning!? WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? I brush my teeth at least twice a day…AND for sure at night, to get the wine off of them!!! Again, I felt shamed.. I didn't know how to respond!

This time however, my hygienist went too far in my opinion! After she asked me if I had increased my flossing, and after I told her “not really”, I think she became mad…like it was personal! She said “I thought we talked about this last time. Remember”??

I told her I remembered, but I just never got into a good habit of it. I really wanted to say “Please mind your business and just clean my teeth sweetie”!

That wasn't the end of it. As she was starting to clean my teeth, she was making all the sounds, to let me know that she was basically grossed out by all my tarter build up. At one point, she actually said “This is unbelievable”, as she picked up a bloody piece of my plaque/tooth with her scalpel, and showed it to me!!! That's when she reminded me again that if I had flossed better, this wouldn't have happened.

She scraped my tooth and lining of my mouth so hard that I was spitting out frank red blood in the spit tube! As I was focusing on the pain and feeling weak from the blood loss, she was asking me the reasoning behind “not flossing”. “Is it a time constraint”? “Is it lack of funds”?

Was this really happening? I go to the dentist twice a year, or more, like I'm supposed to…AND I BRUSH MY TEETH! She made me feel like the scum of the earth!

To finish it off, she took my brand new tooth brush out of the package, and proceeded to put it on my back tooth, brushing in a circular pattern, to show me how to properly brush my teeth. Was I 5?…

When the real dentist came in, who I had never met, he asked if my teeth felt better after the cleaning. I responded with a simple “no”! My mouth hurt and I could taste blood! I refused to say something nice….though I couldn't bring myself to be mean either. The hygienist said “Now isn't a good time to ask her. She hasn't been flossing well and I had to really work hard on her teeth”. SERIOUSLY!!

It only got weirder, when the dentist and the hygienist started small talk over the lack of curls in the dentists hair that day. He proceeded to tell her…and maybe me, that the curls in his hair are completely dependent on the product he uses.

I'll sum it up here…

Sometimes he uses conditioner in his hair. Since conditioner has less of a “hold”, he will have curly hair on those days.

He doesn't care for gels or pomade because it makes his hair too oily.

Hairspray has too much of a “hold”, so he NEVER uses that.

He doesn't like any products really, because he doesn't like for them to get on his pillow at night.

What he likes to use the most, to condition his hair, is hand lotion. He believes that if its good for your skin, its got to be good for your hair. Plus, it has a light hold to it…… but on the days he uses this, his hair isn't curly…but straight!

To finish off this awe inspiring conversation, he said “You guys aren't going to believe this, but watch. Whenever I run my fingers through my hair for the first time in the morning….Watch…. It changes colors….See?…Its blonder”.

I felt like I was in the twilight zone!

To really bring this story home, my hygienist was coughing, sniffling, and trying to clear her throat, prior to my cleaning. Could that mask really keep the giant cloud of cough sputum from entering into my wide open mouth? All I could picture was snot dripping down her mean snotty nose, under that mask.

I should have left…said something! After all I am a nurse and I should have shared my health knowledge with her, as she has been so kind to share all of her dentistry knowledge with me….. But I never moved a muscle…

I guess I'm just nicer than her…. and way more prone to get infections than her.

I can only hope that Karma plays the role it's supposed to in the most inconvenient time 🙂


13 thoughts on “My NEXT Dentist Appointment Will Be On April Fools Day!

  1. Ugh. You had to write this the day after I went to te dentist because I cracked one crown (which apparently is a weird thing based on the responses of the staff — “what did you do?!”) and accidentally swallowed another crown. My mouth is still sore from the tooth prep.

    I am with you that the shaming is the worst part. I was so embarrassed I swallowed the one crown, I didn’t even call the dentist until the second one cracked. I found out the swallowed one was under insurance,so it is being replaced for free — not my fault. If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have lived with a tooth nub for six months in shame.

    You’re definitely nicer than the hygienist. She ought to know scoldings don’t evoke great responses in adults.

    • I wonder if you would get a better deal if you waited for the remainder of that swallowed tooth to resurface :)…. I hope you feel better!

  2. Oh. My. Goodness.

    That is hilarious and scary all at the same time!! I do not floss often either and I actually haven’t even been in for a cleaning lately. I should go…but it is stories like this that terrify me! I brush twice a day and floss probably once a week or when I eat corn on the cob…lol. I am not near as nice as you seem to be. I would have definitely complained and asked for someone else!! Sounds like its time for dentist shopping!!!

  3. I did not want to go to the dentist one time. My b&$ch of an ex wife. Insisted. This smart ass dentist said “mr Nardone you need to work on your brushing”. I said “look here is the way this is going to work, I make the cavities, you fill the cavities.”

    This was her dentist since she was little. He asked her not to bring me back. What a D-bag

  4. It’s the superiority complex. Once a dentist has your ass on that recliner, the whole universe revolves around her and … in a way, it does. Or maybe your dentist just haven’t had a run for a long time! 🙂

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