I am a highly emotional being, to say the least. However, I am usually very guarded when it comes to my feelings of sadness, or personal disdain. I learned this coping mechanism early on in life.
I have always found laughter to be comforting to me… After all, if we can laugh at a scenario, it makes it that much less painful, doesn't it? Plus I always feel that laughter heals the soul.
This writing has been very cathartic to me. It's allowed me to express my inner most feelings…feelings that I would have otherwise shared with very few. It gives an insight into my heart, without me having to physically express it to someone who may ask. I'm still very uncomfortable with being coddled over sensitive issues…my arm is still holding you at arms length….but I'm getting closer!
I have learned ALOT, while taking this journey with my mama P. Its made me take a better look at my own self as a person, its opened my eyes to alot of things in my own life, and it has made me see kindness in so many people…people that I would have never expected to be present.
Some people have said kind words in passing, others have delivered hugs. Some people have texted their concerns, while others have called. Some people have resurfaced from my past, proving to be both caring and compassionate with all they have to offer. Some people have offered pizza gift cards and casseroles, offered to work, offered to watch my kids, and offered to house sit, so I could go see my Mama again. All of these things have become equally important to me, as I feel that everyone has their own way of delivering comfort. Lets face it, it's never easy to know the right words to say to someone who is grieving….even if you've been there yourself.
A few people have sat with me, describing situations of their own, and shared how they got through the hard part…and gave wonderful words of encouragement. I admit that this is the part that is uncomfortable for me. For some reason though, I pushed past my comfort zone, and just listened. Some words were hard to hear, and some were very comforting.
These people who approached me were people that normally are not a part of my close personal life. These people simply shared a similar story, and felt in their hearts to be empathetic and helpful. I watched as tears would form in their own eyes, while listening to them tell part of their story, or while they were listening to me tell mine. These are the moments that I truly think are meant to be. I feel blessed that they were sent to me in those moments, and am glad that I embraced their kind words, instead of quickly changing the subject, as I would have done in previous situations.
Some of my close personal friends have listened to me cry tears for hours, lending little words…just offering an ear and their never ending support. Even when I feel I want to be left alone, to cry to myself, they find a way to somehow uplift me. They call at the right time, and they allow me to escape from this house, just when I need it most. My love for them grows with each passing day.
Last week, a close friend of mine, took a day away from her own crazy life, and just listened to me. I needed out of my house desperately, though I wasn't feeling like moving at the time. She listened to me drone on for some time, offering only head nods and good eye contact…..and later seven to ten good hugs. 🙂 We had lunch, we laughed, we talked about other things. Then we finished up our wine tour that we had started months ago, and won a prize. I can't begin to express how important and essential this day was for me, and it is something I will never forget.
Another close friend recently told me that being present is the most rewarding thing you can do for a person….and I know she's right.
So thank you to every person who has chosen to be present in my life, just when I needed you most.