concerts, dancing, family, funny, humor, kids, mom humor, music, parenting, society

NOTHING to Brag About!

I thought I was prepared. I had been mentally preparing for over a week now. I certainly didnt lack the energy or know how, and the day was finally here.

Though they didnt say it outwardly, all of my friends were green with envy. I could see it in their eyes. Normally, I don't boast about things, but even I find reason to strut my stuff…my materialistic possessions……my successful achievements, when the time feels right. This was DEFINATELY the time, and I had no problem flaunting my plans.

I prepared all day….I drank some coffee, did a load of laundry, and took a nap. I cleaned the kitchen, and then rested my body again. Then finally, I checked my emails, and then shut my eyes a moment more. I knew what was coming, and it was bound to deplete me.

When it was time, I swung into action. I found the tightest, lowest hip waisted skinny jeans I had. These still make me feel uncomfortable, no matter how many knee bends I do to stretch them out. They are so low, that I refuse to tuck my shirt in, for fear that the upper part of my labia may be showing!! Still, some teenager talked me into them, and they were perfect for the occasion.

Next, I needed a cool and hip shirt…something that made me look bad ass to other mothers, that would also be trying to look like teenagers. As you probably guessed, I found it! A lavender shirt of a nice shade, with a herd of horses galloping across the front. The shirt served no purpose….it didnt reveal any real message…and it was a picture of 3 solid looking thoroughbreds galloping along a Mesa! It was precisely the kind of shirt that these kids are wearing today!!! I was really starting to come together!

Messy hair, moisturizer, lip gloss, earrings, and lots and lots of makeup later…..I began to look even more youthful!

Next…boots! The tall ones! It always comes down to leather or suede, cowboy or urban, and high heel or flat! I chose the high heel urban suede…It just went with the horse shirt!!! I was ready to roll.

My ego was boosted even more when my daughter told me I looked cool….Now that means something doesn't it? I knew I wasn't going to be the belle of the ball, but I was certain that no suburban housewife was going to show me up! I can roll with these ladies!!!

After a classy dinner at White Castle, we were on our way! My daughters excitement was encouraging my own……It was her first real concert!

I never went to a concert as a small child, so I don't know exactly what she was feeling…though I thought to myself what a lucky child she was. However, this is normal life to her….Something she almost expects. I think my reaction, as a child, would have been far more elated than hers. Either way, I was excited to see her reaction.

We got concert tshirts, posters, cotton candy, and Gatorade. Renee and I got beer waters, and we strolled around checking out the scenery. I haven't seen so many pompous high falutin house wives, since I took my oldest daughter to see Katy Perry…….Though this was far worse! The best part of all, is that I looked the part. I blended in with these same women…the same ones I was judging. I FELT AWESOME!

I was fully prepared to rock this concert out, despite Chloe's pleads for me to stay quiet! I WAS GOING TO SING AND DANCE! After all, I've watched these stupid shows long enough to reap some sort of reward!

We swayed to the opening bands, as the anticipation for the “real” act was building! The lady next to me was taking up half my seat with her upper thigh. The lady behind me was leaning over the top of me, taking selfies every now and then. On other occasions, she tapped her boot to the beat of the music on my backside…which was actually the real, true live, flesh and blood of my backside, since my low pants had lowered to the point of inappropriateness, when I sat down. It didnt matter though….Nothing was going to bring me down!!!

The lights went dim. The thumping of music began. The crowd went wild. Any minute now, Selena Gomez would make a grand entrance. My daughter was in shock! Would she be seeing her for real?!

I stood up, even though most people around me sat like a bunch of old ladies….including Renee and Chloe. I hooped and hollered, mainly because I was hoping to go hoarse, so I could brag more to my friends!

Sadly, I sat down midway through the first song. She sang only a handful of songs I'd even heard. Apparently, ever since she turned 21, and broke up with Justin Bieber, she became uncool! Luckily, she had dancers to keep us entertained, since she was unable to do it on her own.

One of the songs I recognized, spoke loudly about loving ourselves the way we are. She gave a small speech beforehand, telling each of us we were beautiful, and to never change for anyone. She went into a sob story about how people continue to tell her she isn't sexy enough, or not good enough. People are constantly telling her she can always be better. She finished this by reminding us, that despite all of that, she would never want to be anyone else but her…..

I found this so endearing. Why would she want to be anyone else but her? She's a beautiful 21 year old girl, with lots of money, AND she has an entourage of people who adore her, surrounding her at all times! I couldn't resonate with what she was saying. My life was so different.

However, I could resonate with the people criticizing her. I may have had high expectations ( though that rarely happens:)). Or, maybe I just wanted to sing and dance. But one things for certain, if she sang those teeny bopper songs that I came to hear…….she would have DEFINATELY been better!



6 thoughts on “NOTHING to Brag About!

    • Well, it’s ridiculous that we get ourselves in these predicaments! Why did I buy those jeans? Nothing about them screams out comfort! However, the teenager at the clothing store told me I need them….told me how fabulous they look. That’s all it takes! She made me feel good! It’s the price of being beautiful I guess?! 🙂

  1. Ha ha. Brilliant. I went to the final Westlife concert with my most reserved daughter last year. It was amazing. The atmosphere, songs everything. I loved it. But my favourite part was watching my daughter slowly unwind. She would never be called a raver but she definitely loosened out, and lost her total embarrassment for me.

    • I wonder if my children will stop being embarrased by me?! I suppose they’re more apt to get used to it than anything. Last year I showed up at the bus stop with my friend, wearing a blue leisure suit. I surprised them by dancing to the song Bus Stop at the bus stop! They were mortified! So, they probably are comforted by the fact that I’m dancing in sing in just normal clothes:). However, I think you and I should attend a rave together n the near future! Lets meet half way! Where is that anyway……Iceland?

  2. It’s your job to mortifying your children. It’s my favorite part of parenting.

    I had to laugh because you’re dressed a lot like how I would’ve, although I don’t have any shirts with horses on them.

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