It has been increasingly clear to me, as years pass by, that many of the things I'm involved with in life, either create drama, or draw drama in. If I happen NOT to be the one creating or drawing in this drama, my children and family draw it in for me. Im not sure if its because there really is that much drama surrounding me, or because I tend to dramatize things, and find more humor and irony in things, than most other people.
Either way, after being stuck in the house for 15 days with my own children…the children that have come to loathe one another, after being stuck in the house 15 days with each other, I decided that we HAD to get out of the house. It has been so cold and snowy that we all have been inactive, and annoying to one another. We were starting to resemble snow monsters, that have been stranded on a snow filled island, with no sign of civilization in sight. Our skin was pale and flaking off due to the dry air, our midsections were growing jiggly, and our leg muscles were starting to atrophy due to non-use!
We not only needed to see the outside world, but we needed EXERCISE! So there was no better place to go, than my favorite place…..SKY ZONE! Ive talked about this trampoline park in the past. Its the kind of place that I picture seeing in heaven, if I ever get the chance to go! My kids and I pick this place to go for all of our birthdays, then we try to encourage others to go for their birthdays, and then we try to encourage them to invite us to their birthday. 🙂
We have the same routine every time. We all bounce in the communal area for the first few minutes, then the kids go play dodgeball for the rest of the hour, and I continue to bounce until our time is up. Out of the all the times Ive gone to bounce there, I have urinated on myself 3 times. The first time, I was wearing khaki shorts, and everyone could see it happened. The times thereafter, I smartened up…..NOT by wearing secured padding, but by wearing darker colored pants. It doesn't happen EVERY time, but this time just so happened to be the worst!
The problem is, that even though I can feel my kidney release a teardrop size of urine….and even though I can tell that it has completely bypassed sitting in my bladder, and has made its way directly to the lining of my cotton exercise pants….I refuse to stop jumping. In my mind, I know I only have an hour, and I paid $14 for that hour….So I keep going!
Do people stare at me, and feel disgusted if they see a damp spot on the trampoline that I just jumped from, after doing what I call a “seat drop”? I don't care. I figure I have rolled on peoples sweat, and bounced on the same trampolines that toddlers have drooled and had their dirty diapers on. I have tasted peoples dirty feet, and probably have jungle rot on my own feet from wearing shoes of other people. Whats a little urine added to the mix?….Its sterile! Plus…its $14!!
At the end of the hour, I gathered my kids, and told them not to even touch my leg right now, because my secretions had traveled down that far. They giggled and “Ewwwed”, but we liked each other for a moment again. Really, other than having to waddle over to get my shoes, I was feeling great. I got out of the house, I got in an awesome hour of exercise, and I had fun!!
A suburban, high class mother approached me, almost in tears! Her voice was shaking with anger as she told me that my son had been calling her son fat and gay, on the dodgeball court. Sadly, this was not a surprise to me, since my son has a history of name calling and nonsense anyway. He had been without incident the last few times we had gone, so I gave him the freedom to play without my hovering, but in that instance, I wished I had at least checked in on him.
I apologized immensely for my sons behavior, but that didn't seem to matter to her. I know she was judging my mom skills, and thought I condoned this behavior. I wanted to pull her aside and tell her that he is way better. I wanted to tell her that a few years ago, he would have gouged her sons eyeballs out with his thumbs, and beat the holy hell out of him….but I didn't. I could understand how she felt, even as I was being judged. As much as I wanted to lunge at her, I wanted to hug her, and comfort her by saying…”If it makes you feel any better, I am gay…So he was most likely using it in a kind manner, because surely he wouldn't be trying to offend his own mother as well”?! (GRR!)
As I sent daggers in his direction, as he denied any wrong doing, and as I stood there reeking highly of ammonia, I asked this mother to get her son, so that my son could apologize. She refused, saying she didn't want to embarrass her own son. Then, she added…..”Plus, my son already hit your son, in the face, as hard as he could, with at least two dodge balls. So, he did get him back”!
…..OK….?! It didn't appear that she was calling it even.
As I drove home, in soaking wet pants, I was seething. My son had really disappointed me, and put me in another situation filled with unnecessary DRAMA! However, as I began to think of all the things I wanted to say to this unforgiving mother, I found myself proud of me. I patted my back, and considered all the ways I prevented more drama, simply by holding my tongue.
To celebrate….I decided to reward myself by showering FIRST!
Happy Epiphany night (January 6th)! 🙂