exorcise, funny, humor, racing, running, society

Show Me YOUR Hallux Valgus And I’ll Show You MINE!

Today I left an attractive young man speechless…I left him dumbfounded….I left him HORRIFIED!…….

For starters, I consider myself a runner. I am well aware of the tolls that this sport can take on the body. Not just the knees, hips, back, feet, and spine, but also all of the internal organs. If you ever get a chance to sit and talk to a runner about it, you will generally get an earful. More than likely there will also be personal information revealed, that you may or may not want to know.

If you ARE a runner, than you know precisely what Im talking about. I have heard about bowel patterns and accidents, about urinating on the course, about having to wipe with things that are less than sanitary during a race, about some people having to lick their own bodies to get their Sodium levels back up, and about blisters and loss of toenails, during a hardcore, long jaunt.

We talk about this kind of stuff openly around other runners, but are more than willing to share this information with anyone who asks. Its sometimes graphic and grotesque, but its something that unites us and fills us with pride. However, there are still limitations. Everyone doesnt need to hear the stories….Usually, strangers are left in the dark. Because really, why does the store clerk want to hear about the hemorrhoid you got while running today, or have to endure listening to how many times you used the bathroom before, during, and after a run? Even runners have etiquette. 🙂

Today, I hit the treadmill for the second day in a row. Though I was a little more winded, tired, and sore, from not running for a month, I made my way to five miles. After I was finished, I noticed that my body was sore in places that tell me….I needed new shoes. Afterall, I have had these for an entire year.

The minute I left that gym, I went directly to my favorite running shoe store to purchase them. Here's where the problem begins. Heres where I come clean about my issues. Heres where the lead in, to mortifying the innocent young man comes in……

I have been dealing with two separate running ailments for some time now. So far, Ive just learned to deal with it. First of all, I have a large bunion on my left toe. Most people that know me have seen it on several occasions, but will most likely tell you that its smaller than it really is….Those people are liars. Each time I run, it hurts worse, and protudes further. I feel as though Im running on a broken toe, but I dont want to stop running. Ive tried all the inserts and used peoples advice, but their is NO good advice when youre actually running. I desperately wanted someone to give me some valid information on this subject. I was tired of keeping my disease a secret!

Secondly, and more disturbingly, I have a problem with bladder control when I run. Although it isnt every time, I have had this problem ever since I was a teen. It doesnt happen during the run, but rather at the end, when I stop running….Maybe due to my bladder relaxing?! It doesnt saturate everything, but it does make me spell kind of like….well…pee!

Some people have told me that I really need to go home and rinse before going to a public place after this, but I disagree. Sometimes I have errands to run, or just need a gallon of milk. I only have so many hours in a day before the kids come home from school, so I need to organize my time wisely. AND…Really, you can only get a whiff of me when I turn briskly, swing my arms back and forth while walking, while shaking a hand, or while bending over anyway! Im virtually safe in any scenario!

Since I needed new shoes immediately today, I had no time to rinse off, or change my socks for that matter! I was on a mission. I entered that store, maybe a little too briskly. Initially, the cute athletic college boy, was more than willing to help. I imagined that he looked at my attire and thought “Wow, this girls in shape”, or “Look at this cute, foxy runner”. It wasnt until I leaned down to try on that first pair of shoes that he brought out, that I smelled ammonia coming from somewhere, and had a hunch I knew from where. At this point, he was starting to have trouble making eye contact with me, either because he was embarrased for me, or because he didnt want his nose facing my direction. Either way, I didnt stop here…

When he asked if Id be needing something else….Of course, I said yes. I asked if he'd had a lot of young ladies in here with bunions, and could enlighten me with ways to tape it up. I showed him how it was sticking out, and explained how it was red and enflamed. He nodded his understanding, as I was droning on, having trouble stopping while I was ahead…If I ever WAS ahead! After I was done, he cleared his throat and said he hasnt seen alot of people with bunions, and would suggest I see a podiatrist!…..This seemed like an easy way out to me, but hey…I did smell like urine.

You may be asking yourself why I shared this personal information today. I'll tell you why…Because somewhere out there, someone is suffering from these two debilitating diseases, and I want those people to know….You're not alone! Plus, I was wondering if anyone out there could give me any natural remedies to cure one or the other of these issues. Thank you in advance!

Your friend,






16 thoughts on “Show Me YOUR Hallux Valgus And I’ll Show You MINE!

    • Thank you for making me swell with pride! 🙂 The sad thing is, I cant see the humor in it sometimes until its all done. As I retold that story I thought “that poor sweet boy”….I probably ruined him for his future wife!! LOL!

    • I just hate that you’ve had to see alot of posts about my urinary incontinence recently! Sometimes I smell fresh and people want to be around me! I hope you cheer up soon little sweetie.

      Staying dry in Indiana,


  1. Okay, I cracked my son up earlier today when all of the sudden I announced “I have to pee” and waddled towards my room. I then decided to make it even better by telling him my bladder has been ruined. He cracked up and said ‘bronchitis ruined your bladder?” “yup, it did! I’ve been tinkling myself for days now” and he died laughing “Gross! I sit in the same chairs that you do! I don’t want to know that I’m sitting in your tinkles!!”
    Which means, he’s totally okay if he sits in it and doesn’t know about it! 🙂
    I have no remedy or solution… just sharing your pain!

  2. Not being a runner, and often times being quite lucky just to be a walker, I don’t get why anyone would want to run, only to either (a) puke at the end of the run (b) piss themselves or (c) shit themselves! Oh, yeah…this sound like a whole hell of a lot of fun to me!! NOT!!! I have enough trouble with the unexpected sneeze or cough causing wet britches. 🙂

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