exorcise, funny, health, humor, music, running, society, weather

To Whom It May Concern…

To Whom it may concern,

Ive been sleeping alot lately. I can easily sleep 12 hours if uninterupted, and yet still yearn for an afternoon nap. I fall asleep early, and sleep so soundly that I could probably be robbed and killed, only to awake in confusion, in regards to whether I was in heaven or hell….or still my own bedroom. I had made a pact with myself this year, that I wouldnt let this winter get to me as it always does. I was going to make myself stay positive and strong, and was determined that I wasnt going to let the weather wear me down, make me grow tired, and make me make the statements that so many others are making. I admit, Im starting to fade…my positive attitude is wavering, and I fear I am beginning to lose my battle.

For whatever reason, I was determined not to give in that easily today. Wearing everything, minus my snow suit, I dropped my kids at school, and made my way directly to the gym. Though the weather forecasters lied when they said a high of 2 degrees, and though my car said 7 degrees, I was still glad I had worn so much clothing. I winced in pain as that frigid air hit me, though the amount of time was short…traveling only from my car to the door. The wind was telling me to just turn back, but my mind was made up….Sort of!

To whom it may concern,

I stared at that treadmill for a long moment, while I swallowed down the vomit that was pooling in my throat. I had NO energy for this, and NO desire to do it. As soon as I mounted the machine, I wished to dismount…but I didnt. Instead, I promised myself that I would be nice to me today….I wouldnt push so hard. Afterall, I made it here didnt I?

I blared my slow music into my ears, and set off on a nice steady pace. I began to think of my Mama P. I think about her alot when I run, but in the past week she has flooded my mind. I miss her so much, and it seems crazy to think that she has been gone for 3 whole months. I found myself remembering how she used to taunt me about this weather, as she sat in the comfort of her own WARM home in Texas. When she would visit in the winter months, she would dress like an eskimo and constantly make comments like “How can you guys stand it”! Despite her teasing, we always made the best of it….Sledding, snow men, and of course the all day movie fests while playing scrabble tournaments. She told me so many things that were just between us….Sometimes we would giggle and sometimes we would cry, but the trust that we had between us was something I valued deeply.

As I began to remember these things, it became clear to me that her lack of presence is still a wide open wound. I began to wonder if she could hear or see me. I wondered if she was proud of my intentions. I wondered if she would want me to defend her, like I feel so strongly about doing. Would she want me to release my inhibitions, or would she want me to let it go. I realized they were all open ended questions.. and I also knew they were ones that only I could answer. Either way, I felt good while running….It felt nice to feel warm for a minute, and my memories were making me even more comfortable. Though I had no interest in this workout, I had made my way to 6.5 miles without misery. I guess I was rewarding myself by not pushing myself today.

To whom it may concern,

When I hit that cold air again, all of my warm, fuzzy feelings went away! Though I wanted to go home and get directly in my sweatpants, I decided to stay proactive. I needed to hit the grocery store, before the temperatures fall even further in the next couple of days. The problem is not GETTING the groceries, but rather having to load them in my car and then into my house, while the -25 degree wind is piercing into my inner core, and while ice crystals are forming, out of what used to be, my hard earned sweat. I did not APPRECIATE the cashier placing single items into single plastic bags, just so that I would have to take that many more trips. After getting brave enough to sprint out the door with my cart, shooting directly to my car, not caring who hit me with their car on my way, I didnt LIKE that my reciept flew directly out of my shopping bag, and probably into the hands of someone who would steal my credit card number, my money, and my identity……BUT I didnt CARE enough to chase after it. At this point, I didnt even know if Id make it home alive.

To whom it may concern,

When I got home, my backdoor was wide open….for a questionable amount of hours. After unloading the groceries out of my car, I wasnt sure my underwear would ever be separate from my skin. Still, I sat at the table for a moment, just to consider what had happened thus far….STILL wearing my winter coat. I could hear the sounds of my heater working overtime, my pipes creaking, wind hitting my windows, and the sounds of whole families of mice, fighting to get in through all the wind seeping crevices in my house, to stay warm for the next coming days. Everyone is preparing…

To top it off, I learned that school is cancelled already for tomorrow, meaning we stay in again….and meaning it will be that much harder to fight the general malaise feeling of winter. However, I have fought it off for one more day….Tomorrow is a different battle….

To whom it may concern,

There is nothing that an ice cold beer being drunk down slowly, while listening to CHER singing “Just like Jesse James” over and over again, cant cure!!!

Stay Strong Everyone!





7 thoughts on “To Whom It May Concern…

  1. I’m glad you worked out, had the internal conversation with yourself and while I’d like to feel badly complaining about being so freaking freezing right now (we are at 37 and falling down to the ungodly temperature of 21) I can’t, even you can’t make me feel lucky for being all the way up in the 30’s! It’s freezing and nothing is going to make it better!
    Except – my son is still going to school. Okay, yeah, I feel better about that!

  2. I need to follow your good example and workout myself. Sorry it’s so cold and sorry you lost your Mama P. And CRAZY that your back door was open. Bet that helped warm up the house! YIKES! Stay warm, my friend.

    Hugs from Ecuador,

    • IF you saw the amount of wine I injest, you would see it offsets my exercise regime. Im actually probably not the best example to follow! 🙂 However, I am glad youve started looking up to me in that manner, and hope to impress you more in the future. 🙂

      Glad to have heat in Indiana,

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