death, family, poetry, society

Emotional Roller Coaster

I stare at her picture, as though Im in a room full of mirrors.

Days seem like weeks. Weeks seem like years.

Rationality and Madness are separated by a line that is taunting.

Our souls were intertwined. Her abscence is daunting.


Tears blind my eyes, and seem to fill up my days.

Forgive me please. My mind's in a haze.

I see what youre saying, but my view is somewhat distorted.

Im not feeling loved. Im feeling less than supported.


I want to move forward, but lack the strength to take a step.

I loved her so much. I never realized the depth.

I want to be positive and surrounded by those that I love.

I want to be with her. I want to look down from above.


I should be gaining strength, but Im only growing weaker.

I cant see the light. My future appears bleaker.

My eyes are so heavy, but fight the weight to stay open.

Somethings not right. Something feels broken.


Sleep is inviting, as it calls out loudly and tempts me.

My thoughts are so full. My soul is just empty.

Please be patient, until the answer becomes clear.

Im still holding my angel very near.


Today is the wedding anniversary of my Dad and Patty. As I reflect on how hard it has been for me to have lost Patty this past year, I realize that I sometimes lose sight of how much harder it has been for my Dad. Feelings are like roller coasters, and no one has the answers to how to respond. Recently, I just sat down and tried to think about what he may be feeling. In return, I came up with this. Though she isn't here physically any longer, Im still going to give a shout out….. “Happy Anniversary”!…. Because it just feels right!



9 thoughts on “Emotional Roller Coaster

  1. I think your dad will remember it is their anniversary, too and be thankful for the thoughts. The rollercoaster may continue, but you don’t have to ride it alone. You can have others ride it with you. The ride is always better when shared. It makes things that are scarier easier to deal with and it makes things that are happy, happier still. It is your nature (and mine) to deal with things alone. Maybe this time you need to let others help you through it all…tell them your thoughts even if the are the same ones you have told them before. Nothing gets better by hiding it inside. You need to let it out. I love you.

    • I love you too! I was writing that as though I were in his brain….. Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it greatly. I have highs and lows, naturally, but I do talk about it when I need to….I promise! Im just selective I guess. 😉

  2. Well done. I think you got inside his head well, knowing and feeling your own grief. Happy Anniversary to your Dad and maybe share with your Dad today the lovely song I had on one of my posts (look over your shoulder, I’m walking behind) It was the song my Mom and Dad danced to at their wedding.
    Not sure how this will look, sorry if it messes up your comments, but my intentions were good. Delete if it’s a disaster!

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