exorcise, family, funny, health, humor, humour, kids, mom humor, parenting, society


My eyes were focused and my ears were turned on, as instructions were given. I nodded my understanding, and my eyes scaled the room and all it entailed. It was an environment that I had never been in, which is something that happens frequently since children have come into our lives. We are always looking for something different to do, and something different to see.

One leg in….and then the next. Leg straps were tightened…..and then the waist. Special shoes were then tied tightly, and my positive attitude was in check. I was ready to do this.

I placed my hand on the first handle, and tried to steady my foot as well as possible. The tiny rock that I chose to stand on, seemed a little smaller than a rock that I may have chosen to stand on in the real world, but I gave it a try. I had only moved up a couple of notches, before my heart rate was up and I began to sweat.

I was at a slant, and it became difficult to hold my entire upper body up, holding onto nothing but a tiny rock that they considered to be a handle. My forearms were apparently not as strong as I hoped, and they began to shake. I looked to my left, where I saw one of my children harnessed in, and climbing past me in a brisk fashion….all the way to the top. Of course, they werent at a slant….but still! So, I brought my concentration back to my own rocks, and vowed that I could at least grab the next rock up. I mustered up all my strength, pulled my body as close to the wall as possible, and then let go, reaching as far up as I could for a handle, before my body started its process of coming back down.

I reached…Oh how I reached……but I just couldnt get a good grasp! I fell straight back onto the safety mat with an embarrasing thud. I realized immediately that I should have brought chalk!:) Thats what the professionals appeared to be using.

Over and over again, I fell on that mat, and I became sore in areas that I wouldnt have imagined. When Renee had a chance to attach me to the safety harness, I did make it to the top a few times, but most of the time I fell off, which left me swinging in the air for all to see, until she safely lowered me to the ground. After two hours of playing “rock climbing”, I still considered the situation a success, though we were all exhausted, and left with blisters on all of our fingers.

I dont know why I always feel its necessary to join in all of these sorts of activities. I just have never been one of those mothers who likes to take their kids somewhere fun, while I sit at a table and watch them. My kids know that if the activity that they want to do is going to leave me bored, then we arent going to be doing it!!

After a good nights rest, and elevation of all of my extremities, I reluctantly agreed to roller skate the next day. Again, I had no interest in sitting at the plastic tables watching them spin around in circles for hours, so I joined in. Dont be thinking that they hang out with me either. NO…….!! They avoid me like the plague. I generally look like some middle aged crazy lady, who appears to be chasing random children, and challenging them to a race. So far, no restraining orders have been issued.

I skate in circles the entire time. I busy myself by taking in the hill jack scenery, playing the games the DJ makes up, and skate dancing to good songs. I even go in the middle when its a song where only backwards skaters can be on the rink. Here I can practice becoming a backwards skater, with all of the other preteen children….. BUT I STILL CANT GET IT!!

As the minutes passed, I watched the kids pile in more and more. With each new child, brings a new obstacle. Its not hard to skate in a circle, but when kids are falling and thrusting their bodies in front of your skates, it becomes a little more dangerous. The same ones fall over and over and just get back up. They dont care if their femur bone is sticking out, or if their nose has been torn off in the fall, they REFUSE to stop skating.

Then there are the bratty kids that are really good skaters that like to do fancy skate moves right in front of your nose, resulting in grown adults losing their balance and increasing their risk of falling. I CANT STAND THOSE KIDS!

One time, while OH MICKEY YOURE SO FINE was playing overhead, I was working on my own tricks. I was skating with my left hand behind my back….then would quickly switch to holding my right hand behind my back….and on a turn! In the middle of my risky turn, I saw one of those bratty kids hurl himself in front of an adult male. I thought for sure he would fall. Then he would fall into me, my hand would be behind my back in a trick, I wouldnt be able to properly catch myself, and I would likely break my hip. I could see it so clearly…But it didnt happen as I planned!

Instead, the man literally pushed the boy to the ground! He then puffed his chest out and glared at the boy. The boy just stared at him in shock, and I burst out laughing.


It was another successful spring break week in my opinion…though Im fairly sure I nearly reached my ultimate low…

Later, those same bratty “good” skating boys were being unsafe on the rink. I had had it! Finally, I became very brave. I approached the teenage boy who was manning the rink, and……I TOLD ON THEM!! HAHA!

Every mother has her limit…









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