Do you ever look back at your “old self” and wish things had been different?
Maybe you were too fat… TOO smart…..Maybe your teeth were jacked up beyond repair. Maybe you just lacked basic social skills and good judgement…. AND maybe you were the spitting image of the person who modeled the before picture, for the Acne stat commercial….
Or maybe (in addition to the acne, and obvious poor judgement) you were a lanky young lady, with the musculature of a newly pubescent boy. Maybe your lack of body fat, made your own pubescence less obvious, leaving you braless, and taking scoliosis tests in gym class, with a mere paper towel taped to your barren chest…while other big chested teens, with obvious padded bras, looked on in amusement…
Maybe you tried to lure in popular boys by letting the loudest fart, rather than simply batting your eyes, or just giggling at their funny jokes….
Maybe your bangs were too short, because you trusted your friend, your pants werent long enough, because your socks hung too low, and maybe you could never TRULY figure out if people were laughing with you….or AT you…
Well, whether you could relate to a few, or all of the things I mentioned, I'm willing to guess you have spent your life trying to alter these very things, that have likely turned you into the self conscious adult you have become today.
While some have chosen different paths, others have become content to live within a realm of life, that someone else defined for them… far too long ago.
…But what if you were offered a chance to shine?
What if you were offered a chance to step out of your meager life, and stand above the rest? What if the world that you once knew, and the people that once knew you, could look at you in a different light?…What if for only a moment, those people didnt see a manly looking, frizzy haired, panty stained, flat chested, chronic acne doning teenager…but a STAR!!?
Well, as chance would have it, my time had finally come!
AND THE STORY GOES…
….”The gentleman opened the door with ease and purpose. He was dressed to the nines, clearly pressed, and eager to please. As I stepped into the White Stretch Limo, it just felt right. I had never ridden in a vehicle with such gadgetry in tow, and my fascination with it was astounding.
As the first mimosas were poured, I was met with unsure gazes. We didnt all know one another as of yet, though our commonality of hopes to be famous, not infamous, was obvious. It didnt take long before we were fast friends. We rode side by side for hours, listening to classy music, and sipping on fancy cocktails.
During our brief hiatuses, we sipped fancy wines, listened to vineyard bands, and wowed our surrounding peers with our obvious wealth and prestige. I felt certain at this point, that if anyone saw these photos arise, any previous thoughts would be wiped away, and all that would fill it would be awe and envy”…
BUT HERE IS THE REALITY…
We stepped into the limo on our own accord. The gentleman showed us how to work the air and the music in the back, and told us to knock on the window if we needed further assistance, because the phone was broken.
As we started on our way, the air stopped working all together, and I found myself thankful that I was sitting near one of the only two windows, in this jalopy. I slowly made my way to the seat by the window, only to notice that I had sat down in a mixture of white and dark chocolate, which made me rethink (too lately) my classy white shorts. Trying not to panic, as people were trying to snap photos of my fancy attire, I nonchalantly had someone working on cleaning up the mess, but the chocolate was completely melted and now smeared, due to the fact that is was 89 degrees in the vehicle. Little did I know, the black napkins mixed with a dab of water, only added to the staining, of my already soiled shorts.
80's rock music and Boys to men flooded the space around us…but only in increments, because there was a short in the cord. If not held in the proper angle, we were left singing acapella and feeling awkward at unexpected times…
Upon leaving the first winery, we noted the limo to have the hood open, in hopes to air out the engine.
“No need to worry” the gentleman said. To distract our attention, he followed up with a fake strip tease, using my neck as a dancing pole, and proceeded to remove his own shirt and tie, because he himself, was smothering in the drivers seat, and obviously loosing brain cells in the process.
I found myself passing time by looking at my own lady parts in the adjacent mirror, and daydreaming that I still smoked, so I could use one of the ashtrays that still remained in this bucket of bolts. Others filled their time twerking, feet deep, in a carpet soaked with day old mimosas, to what sounded like an Old Bobby Brown remix.
At one of the last stops, as we stumbled over one another, to be the first one out of the sweat camp we were paying for, we were met with some ladies traveling in a double decker bus from Chicago. They stared at us with envy as we got out of the car…Until they saw my windblown and unkempt hair, the pit markings on our designer shirts, and all of our shorts stuck to the insides of our backsides, upon exiting the vehicle.
…..The leader of their pack said “Huh uh honey! YOU need what we got”!
…..The leader of our pack…which was me, Said “I know”!!
BUT the truth is… All of the horrors of that story is what made the adventure.
We are who we are. I was never meant to be a diva, though I try every chance I get. Though I may no longer have my lanky boy figure, and I have a little less acne…a part of that goofy, panty stained, joker will always reside within me….I wouldnt ever take it back!
If I were offered another chance to shine, I would take it every time….But I wouldnt change a thing about how it turns out!
Thank you ladies for a phenomenal trip!!