funny, humor, humour, kids, mom humor, nurses, parenting, society, travel

The Disease of Being Busy…

“Being busy does not always mean real work. The object of all work is production or accomplishment and to either of these ends there must be forethought, system, planning, intelligence and honest purpose, as well as perspiration.” Thomas Edison

Like the majority of people, I am busy. I have 4 busy children, a house that needs tended to, and I have a full time job. I have to fit in orthodontist appointments, teacher meetings, sporting events, dinner plans, and somehow have to manage to keep my own appointments in the process. The concept alone is exhausting.

“Life is short”, we all say. We have to fit in as much as possible, and stay as busy as we can, while we can…right?

The thought process of that statement is genious. It seems to make perfect sense! That is, until something happens that proves you are a complete idiot.

Recently, I have been so busy and tired that Ive begun to whine about it publicly, irritating my own self in the process….. BUT this month, in addition to all of the busyness of my various undertakings, this was happening….

Starting about a month ago, I began to notice a small leak in my back tire. At this point, I would spend the $1.00 to fill it with air, in hopes that the temperature was to blame for the deflation, instead of the 100,000 miles that had been placed on it.

4 days later, I would spend it again….

Losing track of days and money, I would randomly fill this tire with air again and again, between toting my children to their desired places, taking my pets for their vaccinations, and grocery shopping for the umpteenth time. I would get to that tire when I stopped being so busy.

During a 3 day stint at work, after having to start the process of filling the tire daily, the reality began to hit me that the dangers of this tire may have started to outweight the importance of my busy IMPORTANT tasks.

I was running late to work on the third day…as usual. This time, I not only noticed the tire light on again, but also my gas light. Being to busy to stop, I went ahead to work.

After saving lives all day, I walked out of the hospital tired and aching…longing for that well needed glass of wine, and a foot rub that was unlikely. I knew I should have stopped at the gas station then, but I was just too tired. I decided to chance it, and try to make it to the station closer to home.

Half way home, I began to worry. I sent a quick text to my loving companion, to notify her that she may have to come fetch the pizza I had bought for dinner, on the side of the highway. I also asked that in case that were to happen, that she please bring a tire iron and a few gallons of gas.

Luckily, I found my way to the exit, riding out the last of the trip on only a rim and fumes. After rocking my body back and forth quickly, in a head banging sort of fashion, I eked my way directly in front of the pump. I then scoured my car for any remaining change, and went in with nickles and pennies, to ask for 4 quarters to fill my tire with air.

The gentleman inside smiled and said “Ma’am, this is kind of a fancy air pump, are you sure you know how to use it”?

Irritated, I scoffed at him. Having used every air pump in Indiana in the last month, I said “Sir, I have used half of my salary the last month on AIR, that we breathe for free. I could have bought 4 tires by now! I think Ive got it”! Geez, couldnt he tell I was BUSY!!?

Still, another week and a half came and went, and I was just as busy as ever! In addition to my regular chores, I had wine trip to get to, and a country concert…oh and dont forget about the poolside lounging, and the multitude of naps I needed to energize myself, before and after my “real” task oriented projects…like piddling…

I headed to work yet again, and this time I had to stay late. I wouldnt get home until midnight, and I had to be back at work at 7am the next morning. Again, my tire light was on before I left that morning…. I didnt even check it. Instead, I parked the car, and went into work, knowing that at midnight tonight that tire would have taken its last flat.

As though the tire could read my own mind, I came out to find that it sat nicely on its rim. I should have changed the tire at this point, to at least the spare, but I didnt have time to deal with this.

So instead, I naturally drove my car to the nearest gas station. Not knowing where that was, I relied on the GPS, which took me to one of the top five places in the city to get yourself shot! I was too scared to put the fix a flat in, because I didnt have time for my flesh to burn off my bones…and because I had trouble finding anyone who spoke english and/or anyone who wasnt at risk to show their underwear further, if bending over…So I did what any other foolish woman would do….

I filled that tire with an unknown amount of air, and drove it home with the hopes it wouldnt blow out on the highway. As luck would have it, I made it safely…

Today, 3 of my 4 tires are new.

Sometimes our “busy work” is an excuse to ignore more important things. I find myself saying “I dont have time”, more times than not. The true reality is….We have the time for what we think is important.

Life is short…We SHOULD fill it with what is important!…..But do yourself a favor and stop and check every now and then, just to remind yourself what is REALLY important!

Safe travels my friends….

 

 

 

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SUCKING in SHIGELLOSIS

YOUNG CHILDREN are continuing to be placed at risk, as the rise in Shiggellosis cases are soaring in the metro area. As the temperatures start to rise, and the thick humidity fills the air in the Midwest states, public swimming pools become the “place to be”, for many families trying to cool down and entertain their children.

Public pools, waterparks, lakes, and rivers…..All bodies of water containing a multitude of bacteria, for each of us to innocently swallow, just prior to getting a plague that leaves us vomitting, cramping, sitting on toilets for endless hours, and finally leading to the feelilng that we are on deaths doorstep…. Yet, we continue to go back, because the fun ALWAYS outweighs the Shiggellosis.

The newscasts and heath advisers constantly urge us all to stay home if we have shigellosis, but I think that sometimes we arent aware that we are carrying it. This leads to us accidentally leaking these digestive juices, with each swim stroke we take, causing us to spread this disease, the minute one person giggles, and inhales the very contaminated water, that just escaped our unknowingly weak sphincters.

As parents, we all have a story that we keep to ourselves, because we know we have helped contribute to the spread of this disease….at least as accomplices. We have all had an episode in which our toddler has had visible stool coming out the tops and sides of their swimming diaper, at a theme park or local public pool. However, even if it appears to be Shigellosis on first glance, our pride keeps us from telling a soul. Instead, we try to cover them up with our bodies and towels, praying to GOD that no one else noticed, and we just let the Shigellosis slowly make its way to the next childs mouth, esophagus, and then contaminate the rest of their digestive systems, leading to the same epidemic, that we are all gasping about right now!! We never even look back….we simply block it from our minds.

I for one, have never been a lover of the public pool, and not just because of Shigellosis. Since I have had kids, other than an occasional water/theme park, we have never gone to a public pool. This is due mainly in part to having our own pool, and secondly because the thought of those pools scare the Shigellosis out of me. However, sometimes I can be swayed.

Recently, my children started to beg me to go to a particular city pool. They had heard about it before, and were completely lured in by the desire to ride that giant water slide, that was advertised with the park. Finally, I gave in. However, upon going, I immediately remembered why I loathe these pools so much!!

As we made our way in, my childrens eyes were as big as saucers with excitement, and I outwardly moaned in disgust. There were no chairs to be had, because it was based on a first come first serve basis. So, I nestled myself on a towel in the middle of the ant infested park grass. My kids could have cared less, as they quickly unloaded their things beside me, and made their way to that slide, with a quick “See ya mama”!

I rarely saw them again, even though I was looking for them. Lucky for me, the pool was filled to capacity, and there was a line to get in…There was no way for me to locate my child, without having to get in there myself…which was NEVER happening. Instead, I layed there on my towel taking in my view. My view just happened to consist of a hugely obese man, who was sitting directly in front of me. So much of his crack was showing that I felt certain I could see a part of his ball sack….but there was so much hair that I wasnt sure.

After I looked at it long enough that I felt sure I had set a Guiness World Record, I finally dozed off. I figured that at least one of my four lost children would alert me if there was a problem…..

I awoke to excitement, and chatter amongst me. All four of my kids were smiling and talking over me to get their story out. I finally looked up to see the source of their amusement. The channel 13 news team was here, at the very pool we were visiting!! I smirked as I asked if they got on the news….

They laughed and pointed at each other, telling me what dorky thing each of them had done to make their way on the news. Then, my son became antsy, saying we had to go home and watch the news NOW!! I laughed, and assured him we would find his “claim to fame” piece.

Out of curiosity, as we were leaving, I asked them what the news story was about. Excitedly, my son told me it was about diarrhea and the spread of disease in public pools!!…..He was the one who was smiling and waving to the camera as it was being filmed.

I should have been nice, but its not in my nature. I have not stopped razzing them since. Today, I looked that video up, and wondered if my son had fecal matter in his teeth as he waved to the camera. He was worried at this point, as I pushed the play button. However, other than a tiny dot in the background (that one of them swears is them), my children did not make the news feed.

Im not sure, after all my verbal torture, whether they were happy or sad about not making the news. However, two things are for sure…. I would have been proud of them no matter what (Even if they get shegellosis)…..AND….they will never talk me into this madness again!!!!

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RUDENESS: The New Normal

I almost hit a police officer with my car today. He wasnt in uniform, so I dont know if I would have been in less trouble or not, but the look on his face told me that he wasnt pleased. For whatever reason, I decided to send a text message, before fully parking my car in the space at the gym. My fake attempt at slamming on my breaks, acting as though I didnt see him, while holding my chest and giggling, and then motioning him across the road, as though it was a sheer accident, didnt seem to be working!! Maybe it was due to the fact that I was still holding the phone in my hand.

Regardless, after rolling his eyes, he crossed in front of my car without issuing me a ticket or a well deserved tongue lashing. I immediately felt bad, as I parked my car. This isnt the first time I couldnt wait to read a text, and really, it was rude that I risked hitting the poor man.

After I berated myself for this behavior, my train of thought drifted, and I began thinking about the increased rudeness in our society as a whole. We dont respect other people the way we used to…or at least the way the generations before us did!!

As I walked out of the gym to leave, the man in front of me pushed open the door and let it slam back on me. This irritates me so badly!! Why have people stopped holding the door for others? It seems like it is just a basic common courtesy…one that our parents taught us as children. This behavior bothers me so much, that I have been overly conscientious of opening the door for others….

Sometimes I wait too long!What Ive come to realize, is that if a person starts running to get to the door you are holding, it probably wasnt necessary to hold the door for them.

However, I still havent figured out how many times a person has to say thank you in a row, if there is more than one door to be opened. Obviously, the same person is probably going to be in front of you for the duration of your walk in, unless you are some sort of speedwalker. So, is one thank you enough for all seven doors?….Or must we say thank you each and every time? Its neither here nor there I guess, because not enough people are doing it these days to make it a definitive rule!! Its not necessary to say thank you at all, to the person who lets the door slam in our face!!

Its not just this miniscule stuff either. Now we deal with increased episodes of road rage, worry about teenagers raping the elderly, and have to look in our periphery at all times, to make sure some punk isnt going to punch us in the temples!!

Recently, while attending my daughters track meet, I noticed a policeman pacing the track. I didnt know why this was necessary at a middle school track meet, but clearly I lived in a make believe world of my own. It wasnt long before my daughter had made her way to the stands in disgust! While the girls team was stretching, the boys from the opposite team were coming by and kicking the girls in the back?! My first reaction was to naturally laugh…because it WAS funny, but the more I thought about it, this behavior was assinine!! Who teaches or allows their sons to act like that?!

Then lets not forget something we can all relate to…workplace NONSENSE!

The rudeness and reminants that our coworkers leave behind in our communal bathrooms is a subject that should be talked about all on its own… But what about the people that steal our lunches out of the refrigerators, and snacks out of our lockers?? The audacity!!

While still in nursing school, I used to work with a nurse that was a disgusting being all together. She would burp and fart at the lunch table, and then blow it across the table at you. At one point, I witnessed her steal another nurses lunch out of the refrigerator, and then sat down to eat it. After a few minutes, the other nurse came in to eat her lunch, and noticed TANYA eating it right there in front of her!! She confronted Tanya about eating her lunch, and she claimed she thought it was hers!! I laughed myself silly, as poor Tanya had to go buy the crotchety old nurse another lunch.

Even though “Thou shalt not Steal” is pretty high up on the list of Commandments, some people have no qualms about doing it. Recently, I was laughing aloud again, as I heard a story of someone stealing yet another lunch. Instead of just eating it and carrying on, they actually left a note, giving advice on how the lunch could have been better!! What is happening in the world today?

Its only funny because it wasnt my lunch!! Otherwise, I would be on detective duty, trying to find the culprit….So I could do what exactly?? They certainly arent going to be shamed are they??

Well, in the midst of ridiculing everyone else and their rudeness, I remembered that I too, recently stole something out of a coworkers locker. I felt horrible, but my desire for those fiery Cheetos, overcame me. However, the difference between me and the rest of the filth of the world, is that I was willing to leave 20 IOU's and signed my name. I think this speaks volumes doesnt it?!

I know Im not innocent, and I can be rude at times, but I hope I have set an example for all the rude people out there. If you do something rude, or less than perfect to another person….Dont just run….

Give them an IOU… and say youre sorry!!

Because I lead by example I sincerely say…

Sorry Officer….

 

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Uncovering the Calm in the Chaos

The flavor was bursting in my mouth, though I was certain it was the idea surrounding the food, not the food itself. It tasted earthy, as though I could almost taste the soil upon my tongue, yet it was a taste so wonderful, that it left me smiling from somewhere deep down in my soul.

Now that the spring time has arrived, and is in full force, our busy lives have just doubled. With four kids, we stay pretty busy most of the time anyway, but the spring just seems to bring about more chaos. The only great perk to this increase in busywork is that with the increase in sunshine…comes more energy to conquer these things.

We have to worry about end of the year partys, graduations for every grade, and for most parents, this is a time when every teacher assigns the biggest end of year project, that no one has time to do. Our children are figety, and ready to be done with school…..AND what that means for the children in this particular home, is that I get more phone calls home from the principal.

If thats not enough, the spring sporting events start, leaving us traveling from one sport to the other, with lawn chairs, winter coats, tank tops, water bottles, coffee mugs, sunglasses, gloves, umbrellas, fancy jade HUNTER rainboots, and a small flask filled with cheap liquor, to get us through the day. There is simply no way to be ready for the weather this time of year.

Then, after we fit all that in, we still have to clean up our yards, open our pools, plan our summer vacations, and still find time to grocery shop, pay bills, cook dinner, clean the house, get homework done, and hope that all of our children will survive the season, without having to unleash the wrath of our tightly wound, stressed bodies, while keeping a smile on our faces.

Our weekend was busy as usual. We had birthday slumber parties, gifts to buy for slumber parties, and bags to pack. We had people spending the night, leaving the dreaded question “Are we allowed to drink wine or arent we”! Saturday, the kids had a 5k to run for their school, and we immediately followed that up with my sons baseball game. After freezing our asses off there, my mom and I vowed to drag our old and tired bodies to shop at the Dress barn. She had daisy dollars burning a hole in her pocket, and we needed dresses for our upcoming graduation parties, and other summer gala's.

Today, we tried to tidy up, for the upcoming week. We needed to mow, pull weeds, pot plants, and still had to arrange to take our overnight guest home. In the middle of the day, I had to take my son to the entire opposite side of town for his last Choir performance of the season. They had to be there 3 hours early, and because I wasnt willing to waste my day away, waiting for it to start, I drove home in between. That meant I instead, I wasted two hours driving in the car. Brilliant!!

We finally got home around six, and then dinner and school projects still prevailed.

The thing is, in todays day and age, our lives revolve around our children. They have to be given the best of every opportunity, or we feel like we are not doing our jobs. Often, I find this whole idea absurd, and refuse to live my life, basing it on what practice or game we have to get to….Life is more than all of that!!

Yet, my actions speak louder than words…..

As I listened to the end of my sons concert, the conductor gave a small speech before the last song. He was informing us all about the importance of camps for our kids. Of course they had one to offer, which was astronomically priced. This made me think about all of the people that I know, that spare no expense to send their kids to camp. Though I have considered sending one of my children a time or two, I never thought it would be worth the money for the time spent!! They dont even get to stay the night at any of these camps…..and many of them encourage me to stay and watch my childs growth in the community!!

How exactly does this benefit me???

Well, the other day, while visiting the inner city with some of my friends, we stopped at the public library. Not to get books, but to utilize their bathroom. While waiting in line, we noticed that there was a flyer for a summer camp for kids. They had to be 11, but the entire 6 week camp, was only $30!!!

Immediately we giggled, knowing this was probably a camp to question. Many people pay 15 to 20 dollars a day for childcare…..Was this a dream come true?! It certainly seemed like it had a lot to offer! They just must not have a lot of overhead costs right? Well, I havent ruled it out entirely, as three of my children will be over 11 soon… For a mere $60, my kids could get the camp they've always thought they dreamed of, for the ENTIRE summer!!

Regardless of whether the DREAM camp happens or not, it is clear that I too, cater to my childrens needs and desires. Despite that, each of us got something accomplished that we wanted to do this weekend, and now it was time to relax a minute before bed…..

When we got home from the concert, the rest of my family had already eaten without us. There were two plates left to the side, for my son and I to heat up, and we sat down to eat together. In our periphery, we noticed a plate of fresh vegetables, and a strainer that held lettuce. It was a type of lettuce that we dont often eat. Right about the time that we were going to get it, my other children busted through the door, excited to see if we had eaten the lettuce from our very own garden!! The excitement on their face was enough to make me smile. As I ate the earthy foliage, it gave me a little nostalgia for the simpler things in life. For no other reason, except that we each played a role in what we were eating, it was the best I had ever tasted…. and I knew to them it was too.

I felt grateful to have found a bit of spring calm, in the midst of all of the chaos…..

 

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Relief From a Poor Decision….

I had to urinate so badly….more than I ever had to before in my life. I tried all of the normal techniques to subside my urges…the ones I learned when I was on road trips with my parents, and they refused to stop…but I was beyond that point. I pranced nervously around the room, I pushed deeply on my bladder, I peed a tiny bit in my pants hoping to relieve some pressure, and I tried to take deep breaths and relax, but it was to no avail…. I could hold it no longer.

Recently, my oldest daughter has begun to reach the stage in her life where she has started to get herself in the middle of “girl drama”. She is very vocal about it….always wanting to talk it out, which is something that I would have never done in my early prime. She likes to read me each text, from each person, and tries to piece the whole thing together for me to understand. Half way through her speech, I find myself getting figety, before I finally have to say “ALL right. Can we sum this up in a few sentences”?

The thing is, Im sometimes guilty of not listening to half of the drama that she is involved with. Its not that Im not interested, its just that shes just a better person than I ever was in my youth. She has a strong sense of reason, she roots for the underdog, and she ALWAYS stands up for what she believes. Though she was brought to this world in a tiny package, she is certainly NO coward.

Last night, I found myself listening to more of her drama. After shooing her off again, I really thought hard about what she was saying. She has no interest in the drama, and was trying to find a delicate way to get out of it.

This led me to consider my own middle school years. While I too never had any interest in the drama, I was too scared of getting beat up myself, to worry about someone elses fate. I sadly, would go along with every cool persons plan, just so I didnt find myself in the spot light. I would even go against my own best friend, if it meant I was cool in another persons eyes. I was a pathetic, pitiful, FOLLOWER!

As I thought about it longer, I started to recall the drama in my school. Girls fighting other girls for no other reason, except for the fact that they could. Girls moving to an entire different lunch table to place another girl in obvious solitude, due to one sole “cool” persons plan and apparent anger! Girls would stop talking to each other because one talked to anothers boyfriend, and lets not forget about the fights caused just because one best friend tread on the ground of another best friend. I admit to being a bystander, involving many of these events….

I recalled on two occasions, a friend of mine being beat up by two different people… My heart and my insides cried for this girl, though my cowardness left me in the crowd watching, like every other coward/menace to society. Each time, I walked away with the crowd…and each time I kept the information to myself. Even at the time, I knew I was a better person than that….though I didnt show it.

Today, I recounted these stories to my partner Renee. Though I dont think she was surprised to hear my stories, she still shook her head.

After seeing Renees response, I began to really assess how horrible of a friend I was! I wanted to apologize to my long lost friend right away… But before doing that, I needed to be completely honest…

….Not just about my lack of support when it was clear she needed me, but also about what I, her close friend, had done at her house, while she slept….

My friend had invited me over for a slumber party, along with a handful of other friends. I always loved staying at this friends house…her family was so cool. We all packed our sleeping bags and pillows, and arranged them in the living room, just like we always did. We had a blast, giggling, pranking people, and just being silly old girls.

In the morning, I awoke very early. I dont know if it was from the overabundance of soda pop, or just my laziness in using the bathroom when I first felt it, but I had to go bad. Feeling comfortable in my surroundings, I headed up to the one bathroom that they had available in their home. Unfortunately for me, my friends dad was taking a bath at that time….meaning he was in no hurry.

I started to panic a little bit, not feeling brave enough to tell him that I had to go bad!! Instead, I started to pace around the halls, and in my friends bedroom. I squated down to relieve pressure, and even pressed on my bladder for a small release. I urinated enough to saturate my unders, but it wasnt enough to have bothered with at all. Minutes seemed like hours to a small girl of my stature.

I made my way to the threshold of the stairs, and saw my friends sleeping soundly. For a minute, I considered just going out into the yard, and peeing behind a bush, but I feared that if I opened the front door, that I would awaken my friends. Again, I made my way back to my friends room…

I paced a little more, before I realized what I had to do. I slowly dropped my pants and started peeing on her large area rug. Not just in one place, so it would be obvious. Instead, I walked around the room, peeing on different areas of the rug so that it would dry fast, and be more difficult to notice.

As soon as I emptied my whole entire bladder, I packed my bag, woke the girls, and told them I was going to go home for the day….

I have no idea why I made this choice versus finding a bucket, or asking to use the bathroom, while the dad covered his eyes. I feel like Im no better than the bullies, who also had no reason for their poor choices. However, it makes me see my daughter in a different light. Shes way stronger than me, and has become my immediate hero.

Here is where I say…Im sorry. Im sorry to you and your family……and mostly I hope you still got a pretty reasonable sale price for that rug, when it came time to sell. I hope you will forgive me…over time….

 

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Broadening Horizons…..

As the acid proceeded upward in a quickened fashion, we smiled happily at one another, wondering who would be the first to admit that this was a disaster. I dont often like to lose, so I was continuing to make good eye contact, nodded my head in a fake happiness, and shook my head in a “real” disbelief in the tastiness….

I have spoken in the past about having a variety of different types of friends. Due to my complex nature, I truly believe this is essential. This being said, I have one specific friend who I have labeled as my “adventurer” friend. In the beginning of our friendship, she was very resistant to my strange requests. Dont get me wrong, she always laughed along with my shenanigans, but she was not fast to participate. Over time, she has grown used to my attention seeking behaviors, my bizzare notions, and often times has found herself smack dab in the middle of a place, where my mindset has taken us.

Recently, I have had a strong desire to try Turkish food. Its not so much the food that was luring me in, as much as the ambiance. I wanted to sit on the floor on fancy pillows, and eat rice chips and ground dog breasts, with my hands…just like the locals. I wanted to be served by a waiter that didnt speak my own language, and drink the beer from a land in which Ive never even been. Not many of my cohorts would give into my request to dine in a facility that has less than perfect sanitation, and that may or may not serve domestic animals as a main course. However, after my graphic description of my dream dining experience, hesitantly, my friend agreed to go.

Due to a sick child at home, our first attempt at going to this establishment was a failure. As you may have guessed though, Im not one to quickly give up. Our second attempt was sure to be a success, except… When we got about 3/4 of the way, on our journey, my friend asked where exactly the place was….. I didnt know.

Unfortunately, upon my new search, I noted that my fancy restaurant was closed on Mondays…which just so happened to be that day!! I was a little embarrassed, and she had no trouble laughing at my expense, while secretly thanking The Lord that she wouldnt have to eat her neighbors cat that day! However, we were almost to the city of our destination, and I was bound and determined to find us an equally ethnic place to eat.

I was hoping that she too could see what I was seeing…

….. Sometimes the path we choose, is not necessarily the path that has been chosen for us.:)

Indian it was…

As we pulled in and parked in the lot, a sudden comfort surrounded us. The blacksmiths were patching up holes in the siding, with mud and loose sticks, just as I had imagined. Ethnic music blared from the speaker, and we both looked in the picture glass window in unison, with the hopes of spying a belly dancer or two. No such luck! Still, we looked at each other and nodded, knowing that we had found our predestined dining experience. The only problem was, it wasnt opened yet…..

Because we were early, we had time to walk a few blocks, to check out what other things that this city had to offer. What we came to find was mesmerizing, and it just gave my mind fuel for future dining experiences. There were ethnic restaraunts EVERYWHERE!! Greek, Indian, Chinese, Mediteranean, Mexican, and lastly……TURKISH!!

This was a different Turkish establishment than I had looked up, and it was open. I looked through the windows, like a kid in a candy store, and found it to be the ambiance I had pictured, clad with the fancy floor pillows and long table. I looked at my companion, who seemed to have a half smile/half grimace on her face, and I told her she should decide…Indian or Turkish?

Since our path had brought us to Indian, she chose Indian.

Our eyes were wide open, as the host told us we could sit wherever we wanted. Just as I was about to select a nice two topper, my sweet little friend pointed to a hidden table in the corner. A table for 24, on the floor, surrounded by pillows!! It was a dream come true. I asked if we could occupy that whole table, and thanks to his poor English speaking abilities, he said yes. We removed our flip flops to get on the dingy ornamental rug, and immediately were grateful that we didnt wear socks and tennis shoes.

The buffet was completely foreign. We both put a variety of things on our first plate, with open minds and the promise of a successful trip. We could barely swallow the cuisine, but with smiles on our faces, we refused to give in, and just took a few extra minutes than normal to chew the bites. Still staying positive, we noticed what other patrons were getting, and went for a second trip. We ate even less on these plates! The food was causing our gag reflexes to react, the music was starting to lose its luster, and the Indian beer didnt cover the taste, as much as it should have.

When at last, I smiled brightly at her, talking her into eating the pickled, partially prepared pasta, that I was struggling not to vomit up, it was the last straw. She finally said “I can not eat another bite of this”! We giggled in unison, and left immediately….

The moral of the story is….She had given in first…..:)

This restaurant was not a success, however the adventure was….. Thanks for another grand adventure!!

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exorcise, funny, humor, humour, society

RETHINKING ASS-THETICS!

In most states, Indecent Exposure laws show that it is a crime to display ones genitals in a public place, especially if it causes another person to feel alarmed, ashamed, or offended in any manner. However, though it wasnt purposeful, and though NO ONE said anything outwardly to me, Im fairly certain I may have alarmed and offended a handful of people today, when I exposed a portion of my own shaded, private areas…

The day started out like most other days. I got up with the kids, poured my coffee, and sat idle for about 20 minutes, while I debated in my mind, whether I was awake enough to workout. Right before dropping them at school, I had coerced myself into changing into my workout clothes, and heading straight for the gym.

As I was driving, I was shamefully belting out the “life altering” lyrics to a Keith Urban song….”Take your cat and leave my sweater, we have nothing left to weather, in fact I'll feel a whole lot better”…. I looked over at the man in the suit next to me, driving the fancy BMW, to see if he was singing along too…but he wasnt. Like I said, it was just like every other day… Except for one thing…I wasnt wearing any underpants!

If you are feeling alarmed already, please dont. Women all over the world have been practicing this trade for years, dating all the way back to EVE. In fact, my friends have been making fun of me for sometime now, for wearing underwear under my workout pants.

While I do admit that it looks a little ridiculous to have a huge granny panty line under a pair of stretch pants, I have never been able to tolerate the seam of my pants being pushed up into my delicate nethers. However, recently I purchased a pair of tight shorts….Kind of like a biker short, but without the padding. I hadnt yet worn them, but since it was a nice day, and since I had decided to get in a spin class, I thought it was a good day to try them out.

I put them on over my “grannys”, and immediately noticed NOT only the line, but the winter dollops that I had packed on, in my derrière region. Those dollops happened to be distinctly separated by that same line! So, for the first time, in a long time, I went commando.

I was feeling self conscious when I walked into the gym, as though everyone was looking at me like “they knew”. I picked the bike in the very back of the room, and found myself looking at, and REALLY ASSESSING more backsides, than I ever have in my life. There were every shape and size of buttox before me, but what they all had in common, men and women alike, were tight pants!

I stared intently at their posterior parts throughout the entire workout. As all of my new friends began working up a sweat, I could tell exactly what they had under those shorts/pants. Some appeared to have nothing, some had thongs, some had full figured panties…Regardless, it did seem to me that the pants with nothing under them looked the best, at least ass-thetically!:)

For a moment, I was glad I had chosen to experiment with this phenomenon. Initially, the seam wasnt bothering me at all. That is, until I myself, worked up a sweat! I absolutely could not keep those shorts from getting snagged in regions that I didnt know could snag things. I felt like I got an extra workout, because half of my time was spent fetching fabric!!

In the beginning of this fiasco, I had felt happy about my bike choice, feeling relieved that no other biker would be judging my backside, like I was theirs. However, as I became obsessed with my own issues, I looked back to see that my backside was facing the entire gym, through non frosted glass!!

I finished my workout, and then quickly placed my sweatshirt around my waist, trying to cover up the sweat that looked like urine, caused by not having the extra layer of fabric to absorb it. I then quickly made my way home, to finally observe what the back of my own backside looked like now….

As you may have guessed, when my shorts got damp, they were see through!! Ive heard about the yoga pants that have had these issues, and even seen many random people at Walmart, wearing the see through pant with a tucked in shirt, but I honestly never thought it could happen to me… I guess thats how we all feel, until it happens to us.

I dont know how many people, or how much of my private property was seen, as I was in that hiked up position, trying to make my way uphill….but Im thankful that the police werent called, and that there were no children around. I think I will go back to the panty line from now on out.

Besides that though, somewhere in this whole process, I learned something valuable…

Sometimes the saying “Hindsights 20/20” can be true on so many different levels.

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