exorcise, funny, health, humor, society, stories

Recycling Dreams…

 

As we make that transition from our greedy youth, to our greedy adulthood, some things are left unchanged. As adults, we continue to desire things that we dont have, or cannot afford.

There are some, who will fantasize about these items for the entirety of their lives, but never live with the means to afford their desired ammenities. It remains only a dream…

There are others who will buy their desired item without hesitation, because they

1. Have more money than they know what to do with.

or

2. Feel fine about signing their kids up for free meals at school, while maxing out every credit card they own, to have what they desire.

Still, there are the majority, not unlike myself, who live out a blend of the two lifestyles mentioned above.

While I am guilty of buying things on impulse, even things I cant afford, I also have a variety of dream items that I will most likely long for, for the rest of my life. I guess I feel lucky to have the insane ability to realize my full potential….Which happens to be in the middle of a ladder, that I've lost interest in climbing.

I have always known myself to be somewhat of a dreamer. If I see somebody doing something interesting, I think I need to learn the trade.

For instance, I once saw someone in a cool band, and I wanted to play the guitar….I saw someone country line dance on TV, and I needed some lessons…I saw someone icefishing, and I needed a pole…I watched a man balance on a unicycle, and thought that if I had one, I could really excel…and so on and so forth. BUT…The truth of the matter is, that sometimes I buy these things on impulse. While some of the items work out, the majority of the items just sit and gather dust, when I realize that I am not gifted with the trade.

Then there are the items that I dont buy on impulse, the ones I leave in the dream state. While most of them stay in the dream state, others come out of the dream state, when a loved one has noted one of your particular desires, and thinks of it as a good gift item…. These are generally the items that should have been left in the dream state, where your conscious left them in the first place!

But what I love most, are the desired items that turn out to be great investments. The ones that make us smile, knowing we spent our hard earned money well. Maybe a great pillow…a pair of roller skates…a good bottle of wine…OR A GREAT BIKE!!

For most of my adult life, I have longed for a good granny bike…You know, the ones with wide seats and handle bars, with the basket on the front to carry a small dog, or a six pack of beer? I never did buy one though, because the actual idea of biking has never truly interested me (this is likely due to the chaffing of my legs and bruising of my lady parts, every time I ride one, likely due to improper padding in the lining of my shorts). Regardless, this was a desire of mine that someone else noticed, and the bike was purchased as a gift to me. Sadly, aside from a couple of trial sessions with my kids, that bike sat rusting in the garage.

UNIL NOW….

Recently, my dear, loving, new bike riding companion, was gifted herself a new granny bike, after voicing her desired ammenity. That bike too, sat in the garage rusting for two solid months. UNTIL…our spontaneous decision FINALLY came to unify the bikes, and set sail peddles on a new adventure.

We set out with pride on our fancy new bikes, waving at anyone who would wave back. The idea was, we would drive 4 miles in one direction, stop for a beer, to rest our callusing hams half way through, and then ride 4 miles back, for a well rounded ride. It would be perfect!

The first of the obstacles we ran into was the ROAD CLOSED sign on our untrafficked path. Due to the barbed wire fencing, we couldnt even sneak past the construction, without gaping wounds…So around we turned!

We meandered our way instead on the sidewalks of busy streets, passing beautiful fast food restaraunts, and boarded up budget motels, almost getting ourselves hit by two oncoming cars in the process. We never did find a half way point, because we forgot that we live in a small town, and that every place is closed on Monday…Thats when we remembered that conservative people only drink beer Tuesday through Sunday.

Still, unrattled, we headed back, stopping at a local liquor store on the way. We not only needed a well deserved margarita when we got home, but we needed something to fill our baskets. One bottle of tequila and two 40's later, and the last leg of our trip was a breeze!!

This was yet another adventure added to my full life. I feel glad to have given an old dream a second chance, and feel certain that the bikes were good investments. As soon as I am able to sit again, I have every intention of getting right back on.

While some dreams will always remain dreams, its always important to believe that others can be realities.

“Learn from your dreams what you lack.” – W.H Auden



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exorcise, funny, humor, humour, society

RETHINKING ASS-THETICS!

In most states, Indecent Exposure laws show that it is a crime to display ones genitals in a public place, especially if it causes another person to feel alarmed, ashamed, or offended in any manner. However, though it wasnt purposeful, and though NO ONE said anything outwardly to me, Im fairly certain I may have alarmed and offended a handful of people today, when I exposed a portion of my own shaded, private areas…

The day started out like most other days. I got up with the kids, poured my coffee, and sat idle for about 20 minutes, while I debated in my mind, whether I was awake enough to workout. Right before dropping them at school, I had coerced myself into changing into my workout clothes, and heading straight for the gym.

As I was driving, I was shamefully belting out the “life altering” lyrics to a Keith Urban song….”Take your cat and leave my sweater, we have nothing left to weather, in fact I'll feel a whole lot better”…. I looked over at the man in the suit next to me, driving the fancy BMW, to see if he was singing along too…but he wasnt. Like I said, it was just like every other day… Except for one thing…I wasnt wearing any underpants!

If you are feeling alarmed already, please dont. Women all over the world have been practicing this trade for years, dating all the way back to EVE. In fact, my friends have been making fun of me for sometime now, for wearing underwear under my workout pants.

While I do admit that it looks a little ridiculous to have a huge granny panty line under a pair of stretch pants, I have never been able to tolerate the seam of my pants being pushed up into my delicate nethers. However, recently I purchased a pair of tight shorts….Kind of like a biker short, but without the padding. I hadnt yet worn them, but since it was a nice day, and since I had decided to get in a spin class, I thought it was a good day to try them out.

I put them on over my “grannys”, and immediately noticed NOT only the line, but the winter dollops that I had packed on, in my derrière region. Those dollops happened to be distinctly separated by that same line! So, for the first time, in a long time, I went commando.

I was feeling self conscious when I walked into the gym, as though everyone was looking at me like “they knew”. I picked the bike in the very back of the room, and found myself looking at, and REALLY ASSESSING more backsides, than I ever have in my life. There were every shape and size of buttox before me, but what they all had in common, men and women alike, were tight pants!

I stared intently at their posterior parts throughout the entire workout. As all of my new friends began working up a sweat, I could tell exactly what they had under those shorts/pants. Some appeared to have nothing, some had thongs, some had full figured panties…Regardless, it did seem to me that the pants with nothing under them looked the best, at least ass-thetically!:)

For a moment, I was glad I had chosen to experiment with this phenomenon. Initially, the seam wasnt bothering me at all. That is, until I myself, worked up a sweat! I absolutely could not keep those shorts from getting snagged in regions that I didnt know could snag things. I felt like I got an extra workout, because half of my time was spent fetching fabric!!

In the beginning of this fiasco, I had felt happy about my bike choice, feeling relieved that no other biker would be judging my backside, like I was theirs. However, as I became obsessed with my own issues, I looked back to see that my backside was facing the entire gym, through non frosted glass!!

I finished my workout, and then quickly placed my sweatshirt around my waist, trying to cover up the sweat that looked like urine, caused by not having the extra layer of fabric to absorb it. I then quickly made my way home, to finally observe what the back of my own backside looked like now….

As you may have guessed, when my shorts got damp, they were see through!! Ive heard about the yoga pants that have had these issues, and even seen many random people at Walmart, wearing the see through pant with a tucked in shirt, but I honestly never thought it could happen to me… I guess thats how we all feel, until it happens to us.

I dont know how many people, or how much of my private property was seen, as I was in that hiked up position, trying to make my way uphill….but Im thankful that the police werent called, and that there were no children around. I think I will go back to the panty line from now on out.

Besides that though, somewhere in this whole process, I learned something valuable…

Sometimes the saying “Hindsights 20/20” can be true on so many different levels.

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exorcise, food, friendship, funny, humor, society

Living Life Like A Child

I woke up certain that I had been bitten by more brown recluse spiders than seemingly possible! Ever since I've seen those spider eggs on the “scary” side of the basement, I've been a little on edge. PLUS…as if that wasnt bad enough, my Aunt Rhonda recently made me feel ALOT better, by telling me this story of her family members getting bit by thousands of spiders that were getting into the bottom of their sheets….in the dark! Where you can't see them!!!

I've been able to keep my psychosis at bay for some time, but for some reason (probably due to the eve of this hallowed day!), I got skittish while sleeping. I started feeling spiders getting on me, and making me itch! Once I started scratching, I couldn't stop….they were everywhere! At one point, Renee went to let the dog out, so I used it as my chance to look under the sheets….for giant webs, and dead flies mixed with my dead skin!…..Surprisingly…there was nothing!

Even more surprisingly, I had no welts, or black sloughing off skin, anywhere on my body!

I was not only relieved, but I began to FINALLY feel the holiday spirit!!

Recently, I have been so emotional, and I have felt too overwhelmed and drained to celebrate Halloween this year. I didnt even WANT to design a costume! However, today, it was a different story! I was full of energy, and some pretty good ideas!!

I was supposed to meet my friend, Lindsey, for lunch today at a Mexican restaurant. I asked her first off, if she would be willing to dress up for Halloween, and dine with me in a serious fashion! She giggled, then tried the usual “I don't have anything to wear” nonsense, that most people say to me in response to dressing up for anything. As usual though, I won out!! I told her I would bust out my evening own box, and we could go crazy!!! She could wear anything she wanted!

Knowing I was going to eat my own weight in refried beans+chips and salsa, I made a quick trip to the gym! I fit in a good 3.3 mile run, and 20 minutes of biking, which equaled a good 550 calorie burn!….Yeah! I could eat 2 helpings of beans:)

On my way home, a light bulb shone brightly in my frontal lobe! I was going to be a camp counselor! I suddenly remembered this whole ladies army gear, that my dad had sent me a few months back! It had shorts, shirts, socks, ties, hats….everything, though the elastic was worn out of all of it!!

I called Lindsey, and asked if she would be mad if I didnt wear an evening gown, because I had better plans. She said she didn't care, and reminded me that neither she, or her brother had anything to wear! They agreed to come over and look through my dress up box! Then, once my friend Tina heard of the festivities, she was in too! We officially had a table of 4!

Once at the restaurant, the butterflies began….for them, not me! How would we be viewed by society? Could we keep a straight face? Should I have allowed her to talk me into this?… These are all questions that they had…

The questions I had were different! Would this rain ruin my braided mullet? Were my shorts completely covering my backside? Would we get a discount, or get asked to get our photo taken for their wall? I was a ball of nerves!!

Luckily, we were a hit!…To no one else but ourselves, but still! It was amusing to see how others responded! The waitstaff acted as though we were dressed completely normal…just friends on their business lunch break! The other customers however, greeted us with eyes full of jealousy and is disdain! They wouldn't make eye contact! No thumbs up, no giggles, no head shakes…..

What's wrong with people these days? Can't adults have a little fun anymore, without negative thoughts, and debates on whether we should be in a lock down unit or not?!

I for one had a fabulous lunch with my creative friends. They acted spontaneously, they didnt care what other people thought, and they played with me…which I love so much!

We may not have gotten any candy and never were offered even a small discount, but what we got was worth so much more…… A double order of REFRIED BEANS!!!

Happy Halloween!!

 

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exorcise, health, humor, racing

A LITTLE Sweat Won’t Hurt ANYONE!

This is the day I decided to go burn off the wine I drank solidly, for the last few days. Its the day I decided I would force myself to hydrate, so to flush out my liver, and rejuvenate my skin!……The day to burn off all my stressors from the morning, after sending my daughter to school without her hair and teeth UNbrushed, because she didnt want to listen, and after having a pow wow meeting with the school counselor, regarding my sons frequent trips to the office!!!!…..I decided that TODAY….a good spinning class was in order!!

I'm fairly new when it comes to the spinning class, only trying it out within the last year. I've always run, but when I was becoming bored with running, I decided to try it out. I wouldn't exactly say I loved it at first….actually, I hated it! My body wasn't used to this nonsense, and I would want to quit in the first 15 minutes…. though my determination would NEVER allow that. However, I was so delirious the first few times, that when the class was over, and you were able to get off your bike…..I think I still kept peddling on the ground….or maybe that's just how I felt. I would be winded, my legs always hurt for a few days, and my lady parts would bother me from sitting in the bike saddle too long!!!

In time, I was able to better myself. My lady parts must have started to callus, and my stamina was better. I could last the whole class without cheating, and nothing hurt too unbearably bad! I even got good enough that I was able to start critiquing the instructors. I would start saying things like “It was a good workout, but the other lady is tougher”! OR “I really didnt get that winded today”. When I admit to this stuff out loud, I can see that I am an idiot, when I talk sometimes 🙂

I haven't been to the gym all summer, because its hard to get there with the kids home all day, plus there are plenty of activities to do outside. I figured that since it was the first time I'd “spun” in months that I would be starting from scratch, but I surprised myself. The new spinning instructor at the gym beat my ass for sure, but I kept up!!

Sweat was pooling down my body and off of my chin…my hair was soaking wet, and there was a pool of sweat on the floor, at my feet, where all the sweat was landing. At one point, during the hour, I must have got a little delirious, because I was holding my left arm up in the air, while peddling for several minutes, before I realized she was only holding her arm up to get everyone's attention, and was not in fact doing a new move, and was not holding it up nearly as long as I was!!!….Needless to say, I wished I was in the back row!!

There is just something about getting a good calorie burn, with nasty smelly sweat dripping everywhere to prove it. In my opinion, the more sweat…the better! I FEEL GREAT!

Sweating is DEFINATELY good for the soul….if in the proper setting :).

Anybody else feeling great after a good heart racing sweat???

 

 

 

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exorcise, family, funny, health, humor, kids, parenting, running

Trying To Remain Positive When the World Is Testing Me

I went downtown to run on the canal yesterday, which I rarely do anymore, because I'm too lazy to drive the 20 minutes it takes to get there, plus park….and pay!

I used to go down there more frequently to run with my good running buddy, but as good friends do, she got a real job where she had to start working 5 days a week! 🙂 I just don't have the motivation to go there.

However, I often get bored when I run around my own neighborhood, and I don't feel inspired.

Every time I go downtown to run, I feel great about it! I got a good 5 miles in yesterday, which is more than I've done since May, when I ran the half marathons!

I think it's encouraging to be surrounded by like minded people, who can appreciate what you're dong. I don't mean the ones that are eating oversized hoagies along the canal wall, or the ones who are chain smoking cigarettes, as you run by……but the other runners, walkers, or bikers along the path.

Just when you feel like quitting, or walking, inevitably someone will give you a nod or wave as they pass by, and you are once again encouraged to go further!

Plus, what happens if you pass them again on the other side, and you look like a quitter?? It simply gives you more motivation to have people around you… I wish I did this more often! I felt great!

All of these positive feelings were just a continuation of what I was feeling earlier that day…when I wrote my whole blog about loving one another! I was just having a very positively emotional day… Feeling euphoric all day long!!

That is, until I made my way home! As I was heading home from the grocery, I got less than wonderful news from my mom (Patty). I was starting to feel a little stress, but letting it roll off my back. I was still talking to her when I got home, and was unloading groceries as I talked.

I didn't have enough hands to do all of this AND close the gate…so I didn't!

Naturally, the dogs got out! These dogs leave every single time they get a chance!! I really do dislike them more every day! Mainly because I don't like spending my afternoon looking for them! I took a good 6-8 laps around our neighborhood with no sight of them. Now I was mad as an old wet hen!

I made the decision NOT to look for them any longer! If they wanted water or food, they would find their way home…..or to another persons home!!! I called Renee at work, and she asked if she could call me back, because she was wiping someone's bum! I said yes, but not before telling her that these ridiculous dogs were out again, and I wasn't sure that they were going to make it home alive!!!!

I took a 20 minute nap!

Then I picked my kids up from school, told them of the detrimental news regarding these beloved dogs, and listened to them as they told me I was a liar!

Unfortunately for me, the dogs made their way home, as I was leaving to pick one of the kids up from practice. One dog was full of burrs, and the other one had mud, goose poop, grass, and rodent guts all over her. She stunk, and neither one of them could walk…cause they're 100 years old, and should never have gone on this journey!!! I put them in the back yard and left!

They stayed outside all evening, until Renee got home, though they did have food and water (I'm not that horrible!). As we were eating dinner at the patio table, in the back yard, the kids were complaining about the dogs' smell. I told them to get over it, right as one of the dogs projectile vomited all over the seat legs of our chairs!

Naturally, one of my sons started dry heaving, and the kids were all freaking out……

We simply covered it with a towel and continued dining.

In a nutshell, this is how all of my great days turn out!

I didn't change my mind about loving all the same people I mentioned in the previous “love post”, but my attitude sure had changed!

All in a days work I guess!

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exorcise, family, food, funny, health, humor, kids, parenting, running

Sometimes the Best Gifts Go Unnoticed

Today I shared a much needed bonding moment with my 10 year old son, who I struggle with constantly in a behavioral manner.

I recognize that sometimes I struggle to show him affection, because I always feel I'm reprimanding and redirecting him, and then I feel guilty and often times mentally exhausted from the nonsense. Almost every time I feel as though I have reached my maximum with him, something changes in the elements, and I get one small endearing moment with him……AND I MEAN a MOMENT;)!

This summer he has been focusing on his gut, that has been caused by his overindulgence of portion sizes and his snack hiding. As a family, we all decided it was best to cut out the snacks, and pay attention to what we were putting in our bodies (some were reluctant)!

He is a very high maintenance and busy child, but he doesn't always jump at the chance to exercise. I've encouraged him ALOT, and this summer he has made great efforts to reach his goal. Although he has to sometimes be reminded, you can amazingly watch him change his mind before taking that extra large helping, and he will put some back before sitting down. I was very proud of him, because as we all know, it's very hard to say no to some foods, and to keep ourselves from the 2nd or 3rd helping.

He swam all summer, played outside, played ball, and stayed active. The other day, he randomly, and proudly showed me his slimmed down belly, and I beamed with pride. He was proud of himself, and he should be…he worked hard!… (However, its not a complete miracle….He still needs prodding to get himself off that computer at times)!!

Today, after school, I decided to go on a short run, and asked the kids if they wanted to ride their bikes along side me, as we sometimes do. They were all waving me off initially, saying “See ya” and such. He was sitting at the kitchen table looking wiped from his second day of school. I asked him again if he wanted to go. “Nah” he said. “I just need to chill out for awhile”!

I asked what was plaguing him and he told me that recess had really taken everything out of him. Seriously! What these kids have to endure these days!!!….After saying “You sure”? A few more times, I was out the door to take the run on my own. But before I left, he said “Mama wait, I'm coming with you”! I was pleased with his decision, and suddenly I had two more followers, in addition to him.

After my run, I met them at the playground. My girls were bored and one had to poop, so they left for home! My son asked if I was ready. I told him I was going to run a few sprints, and then I would head home. I asked if he wanted to join me, and as I suspected I got a flat “No”! He reminded me that he does sprints in gym class, so there would be no need or him to do them here.

I told him he could go on home, and I'd meet him there.

Instead, he actually followed me over to the grassy area and said “I'm not a good runner, but I'll try:)! He has never done this…running is not his forte. I told him it wasn't a race, we just go as hard as we can. He ran a solid sprint, and he impressed even himself. As we were walking back from one of the sprints, I told him I really wanted to get myself in shape enough, so I could jog back, after sprinting.. Instead of walking.

That little cherub waited for me to start the next one, and said “On this last one Mama, lets jog back, no matter how tired we are!!

I said “Lets just do what each of our bodies can”:). When I got to the end, I jogged back, dying the whole way….But I did it!….AND he high fived me, proud that his encouragement worked! On our way back home, he pushed his bike to walk with me, and we talked the whole way. I know he did these things today, because it was important to me, and he was able to recognize this!! It was a bonding moment!

Sometimes I need moments like this to remind myself just how much I love this boy…. AND I REALLY REALLY DO:)!

 

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exorcise, family, funny, humor, kids, parenting

An Adventure in Disguise!

This was the first official day, that I have had the kids all day, since school finished, for the school year. Naturally, I woke up with a migraine, that still hasn't been cured, despite my overdosing of ibuprofen and Tylenol.

I tried to close my eyes on the couch, but was interrupted twice, by two different children, at two different times, because my most annoying child, had called one of them a “fag” ( a word that has been increasingly used in this house, despite our obvious attempts to make them “open minded”), and then, later, attempted to choke the other. Then, I'm sure just to get me back, after lecturing him, he proceeded to go down in the basement, and bang on the drum set, that I so geniously bought him, for his birthday!!

In between those two interruptions, my phone rang 4 times, and I got multiple texts. This is more telephone communication than I usually get in a week!!! I finally gave up on the nap, and at least loaded the dishwasher, and took a shower…. That was the end of my participation in household chores for today.

They made lunch for me, and then each other, while playing waitresses and waiters, at the new TIKI BAR they designed. It was nice, not to have to make anything, even though the charged me two dollars, but it was NOT nice to hear them screaming. “I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER”, and “WHERE'S MY FOOD”, and “SIR, YOUR DOG IS BOTHERING ME”, in reference to our family dog, and directly into my brain, which was harboring a pounding headache. I also did not like that they had taken multiple types of beer out of the refrigerator, to line the window of their new business. Something didnt seem right about it, plus it was ruining the beers!

I knew I wasn't getting a nap. I then came to the the understanding that I was going to have to live with the headache, and just vomit between their arguments, and I was starting to feel guilty about not entertaining them at all today. It has been cloudy, and sprinkling off and on all day, so they couldn't even really get in the pool.

So, I asked if they wanted to go on a small bike ride, “the long way”, to the Walgreens, so we could buy a few things for our up coming trip, and so they could irritate the staff, while looking through, and messing up the toy aisle. They all said YES, in unison!

After making them help me get my bike out, since they had thrown it to the side, resulting in my spokes getting caught on a different bikes pedal, and in addition to knocking my good grocery basket off the front….. We were off, and my headache was growing.

They were excited to park their bikes at the bike rack, because we had never done that before. However, it wasn't a bike rack, but a cart rack, and they basically tore their bikes apart, to get them in the slots. Once inside, Caleb had birthday money burning a hole in his pocket, and bought the store out of cheap, useless yo yos.

Naturally, as we were going to leave, it started pouring down rain, and they all thought they were dying. “Let's just wait the storm out mama”……. “What are we gonna do”….. “We aren't taking the long way”!…. “Can I borrow your shirt, I'm cold”!…. SERIOUSLY! What is the matter with these children! There was NO storm, it was just raining, and it was 75 degrees!

I told them that we were going to ride home in the rain, and that I was certain no one would catch a case of frost bite, and that I was NOT carrying all the stuff that they had overloaded in my bike basket.

Of course, we got soaked….. And within a minute, they were giggling and hollering, the rest of the way home. A true adventure in disguise.

Now that I've done one motherly thing, I'm going to take two more tylenols, lay on the couch, and try to conger up enough energy to cook dinner, or at least to deal with the next impending fight!:). Happy summer break:).

 

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