fame, friendship, funny, humor, music, society, stories


Do you ever look back at your “old self” and wish things had been different?

Maybe you were too fat… TOO smart…..Maybe your teeth were jacked up beyond repair. Maybe you just lacked basic social skills and good judgement…. AND maybe you were the spitting image of the person who modeled the before picture, for the Acne stat commercial….

Or maybe (in addition to the acne, and obvious poor judgement) you were a lanky young lady, with the musculature of a newly pubescent boy. Maybe your lack of body fat, made your own pubescence less obvious, leaving you braless, and taking scoliosis tests in gym class, with a mere paper towel taped to your barren chest…while other big chested teens, with obvious padded bras, looked on in amusement…

Maybe you tried to lure in popular boys by letting the loudest fart, rather than simply batting your eyes, or just giggling at their funny jokes….

Maybe your bangs were too short, because you trusted your friend, your pants werent long enough, because your socks hung too low, and maybe you could never TRULY figure out if people were laughing with you….or AT you…

Well, whether you could relate to a few, or all of the things I mentioned, I'm willing to guess you have spent your life trying to alter these very things, that have likely turned you into the self conscious adult you have become today.

While some have chosen different paths, others have become content to live within a realm of life, that someone else defined for them… far too long ago.

…But what if you were offered a chance to shine?

What if you were offered a chance to step out of your meager life, and stand above the rest? What if the world that you once knew, and the people that once knew you, could look at you in a different light?…What if for only a moment, those people didnt see a manly looking, frizzy haired, panty stained, flat chested, chronic acne doning teenager…but a STAR!!?

Well, as chance would have it, my time had finally come!


….”The gentleman opened the door with ease and purpose. He was dressed to the nines, clearly pressed, and eager to please. As I stepped into the White Stretch Limo, it just felt right. I had never ridden in a vehicle with such gadgetry in tow, and my fascination with it was astounding.

As the first mimosas were poured, I was met with unsure gazes. We didnt all know one another as of yet, though our commonality of hopes to be famous, not infamous, was obvious. It didnt take long before we were fast friends. We rode side by side for hours, listening to classy music, and sipping on fancy cocktails.

During our brief hiatuses, we sipped fancy wines, listened to vineyard bands, and wowed our surrounding peers with our obvious wealth and prestige. I felt certain at this point, that if anyone saw these photos arise, any previous thoughts would be wiped away, and all that would fill it would be awe and envy”…


We stepped into the limo on our own accord. The gentleman showed us how to work the air and the music in the back, and told us to knock on the window if we needed further assistance, because the phone was broken.

As we started on our way, the air stopped working all together, and I found myself thankful that I was sitting near one of the only two windows, in this jalopy. I slowly made my way to the seat by the window, only to notice that I had sat down in a mixture of white and dark chocolate, which made me rethink (too lately) my classy white shorts. Trying not to panic, as people were trying to snap photos of my fancy attire, I nonchalantly had someone working on cleaning up the mess, but the chocolate was completely melted and now smeared, due to the fact that is was 89 degrees in the vehicle. Little did I know, the black napkins mixed with a dab of water, only added to the staining, of my already soiled shorts.

80's rock music and Boys to men flooded the space around us…but only in increments, because there was a short in the cord. If not held in the proper angle, we were left singing acapella and feeling awkward at unexpected times…

Upon leaving the first winery, we noted the limo to have the hood open, in hopes to air out the engine.

“No need to worry” the gentleman said. To distract our attention, he followed up with a fake strip tease, using my neck as a dancing pole, and proceeded to remove his own shirt and tie, because he himself, was smothering in the drivers seat, and obviously loosing brain cells in the process.

I found myself passing time by looking at my own lady parts in the adjacent mirror, and daydreaming that I still smoked, so I could use one of the ashtrays that still remained in this bucket of bolts. Others filled their time twerking, feet deep, in a carpet soaked with day old mimosas, to what sounded like an Old Bobby Brown remix.

At one of the last stops, as we stumbled over one another, to be the first one out of the sweat camp we were paying for, we were met with some ladies traveling in a double decker bus from Chicago. They stared at us with envy as we got out of the car…Until they saw my windblown and unkempt hair, the pit markings on our designer shirts, and all of our shorts stuck to the insides of our backsides, upon exiting the vehicle.

…..The leader of their pack said “Huh uh honey! YOU need what we got”!

…..The leader of our pack…which was me, Said “I know”!!

BUT the truth is… All of the horrors of that story is what made the adventure.

We are who we are. I was never meant to be a diva, though I try every chance I get. Though I may no longer have my lanky boy figure, and I have a little less acne…a part of that goofy, panty stained, joker will always reside within me….I wouldnt ever take it back!

If I were offered another chance to shine, I would take it every time….But I wouldnt change a thing about how it turns out!

Thank you ladies for a phenomenal trip!!




friendship, funny, humor, society, weather

The Positive Effects of Rain….

The water surrounded my feet, filling me with a sense of exhilaration. I could tell by the temperature outside, that the water I was standing in, was colder than it looked. Like a child, I lifted my foot and quickly stomped it back down into the water….

THEN, I smiled big and just giggled…….

Most of you know by now that Im easily entertained. If you already knew about that, then you also probably have come to realize that I become obsessed easily, with the idea of either having things that I desire, and/or doing things that I desire to do..

Recently, while on an adventure with one of my best buddies, we just happened to get stuck in traffic, on a college campus. It seemed at the time, that the entire college had been let out at the exact same time, and we had to wait for every last one of them to cross the road. My friend was becoming aggitated…and trust me when I say that my friend is not as pleasant, when she gets like this. I was desperately trying to distract her, and pointed to the rain boots that almost everyone of these college girls were wearing. We began to watch the girls in unison….

There were short ones and tall ones. They came in a variety of colors, varying from basic black to the brightest of pinks. They were wearing them with shorts, capri pants, jeans, sweatpants, and of course the new stretch pant, accompanied by a half shirt. Before we knew it, the road was clear, and I had found a new mission! WE NEEDED THESE BOOTS!!

While sharing a quick beer at a local brewery, I began to pester a group of teenage college kids for information, and had gotten the full scoop. These boots were called HUNTER boots, and retailed for about $140!! This is way more than I would spend on an item of such nature, but now I had become obsessed.

I decided that my buddies and I would find a day to go shopping for these together, as it was becoming the rainy season. Each week however, our union failed to happen, and my friends would knock the wind out of me, by telling me that we would have to order on line. I would then take it upon myself to talk about these boots incessantly to everyone I know, still failing to have them in my possession.

Finally, one day it happened, and the three of us were able to get together, and order our fancy boots on line…

The waiting and anticipation for these boots was literally killing me.

Last night, I saw that my boots arrived, but I didnt open them until this morning. I immediately made my way to the window, praying that it was pouring down rain….and I thanked Jesus that it was!! Today was a girls day out with a few of my friends, and I was ecstatic to don these new fashionable boots, that I had carried on about all these weeks before. I would be the envy of all of them!

As I walked to and from my house and school, I walked through the wet grass as much as I could. I walked through every mud puddle, and made it a point not to dodge the drainage ditches along the way. Even though my boots were shiny and new when I opened them, I was filled with pride to see that I had collected every blade of loose grass, tree branch, and trash along the way. I walked with pride into my childrens school, knowing that people would immediately notice my boots, which just so happened to draw out the color of my eyes…..which was not purely coincidental. I had selected the color jade with a real purpose!!

When I rounded the corner to my friends, they noticed my boots first thing. There was a laughter, followed by endless compliments, that I couldnt even begin to count. There was now a glow around me….And I dont just mean my boots!!

I spent the day frolicking in the rain with both my new friends, and the old friends I had before purchasing the new ones. This was a fabulous day for a variety of obvious reasons.

As I waded through another puddle, I began to picture my sons baseball game that I would have to attend tonight, in the cold air and lightly falling rain. Normally, this would be the time that I would be secretly praying that the game was cancelled……but not tonight. Tonight I would sit happily, with my feet in the wet grass, knowing that my feet would remain dry and fashionable.

The only thing left to do now, is get the triad of ordered boots together. I cant wait be able to jump in puddles with my on line ordering companions!

Sometimes, there aint nothing like a good rainy day!! 🙂


friendship, funny, humor, society, stories

The Road Signs of Life…

THE sun shone brightly through my window, making it appear much later in the day than it was.

I always find it to be a pleasant surprise when I wake up earlier than planned. It usually leaves me feeling so much more motivated and like less a complete loser….Even if I choose to do nothing.

I woke up happy and energetic, and soon found my way to the end of my driveway, to pick myself a large bouquet of lilacs that just so happen to be in full bloom, and smell way better than the lilac scented air freshener Ive been using all winter long. I opened windows for breeze, I turned on subtle music in the background, and I smiled as I watched and listened to the pond and all its surroundings, in my back yard. It was going to be a good day.

I got a full hour of alone time, drinking coffee in the sun and writing, before I had to fullfill my days commitment. Today, I had happily volunteered to help my friend move from her house to a high rise apartment.

I felt fairly certain that I wouldnt have to do much work, as evidenced by the last time I volunteered to help her. The last time involved me drinking coffee and reading the newspaer for an hour and a half, while she tied up loose ends on the both the computer and telephone. Then, I tagged along for some taste testing of some beer at a local brewery. I felt certain that she probably DID need me for that part, so I tried them more than once, just so I could give her the correct answer.

That was followed by running random errands that did not require my support, and then later involved a tour of a fancy pent house apartment, which allowed for me to play bocce ball on the balcony, in fake Kentucky bluegrass, and then allowed for me to drape myself lazily on a hammock for two, while the wind blew through my hair. The worst work I had to do was clean windows. Though at the end of the day, I may have exaggerated my exhaustion to a degree.

So today, I felt relaxed about the idea of helping her. I sent a quick text to ask if I needed to bring anything…like maybe beer fancy water, or bread or something. She naturally agreed that I should pick up a beverage before coming over, then thought it would be a good idea for us to go to lunch at some point as well. I smiled, asking if she really thought we would get any sort of moving done….

As usual when I question her plan, or directions, or ideas…. she said “Yes! It will be fine”!…. AND even though she always says this, it isnt ALWAYS fine. 🙂

Just like clockwork, I was late. Still, I warmed her heart right back up, when she noticed that I had gone out of my way, to find her a large handful of boxes, from a nearby liquor store…the kind that just so happened to be double taped….. So, we cracked a beer, and got right on task.

We tore down her bed, that had already been sold, and that was to be picked up any time…right on time. Then, she was back to her own train of thought. She was dealing with phone calls from her business, and was trying to fix her vacuum…all the while, she paced room to room. I decided at this point, to start working without her direction….Something few would dare to do. Before she got herself back to me, I had already packed 4 boxes, and cleared the walls of pictures. I felt proud, but was a little nervous to see her response.

She too, was confused about how to respond, but agreed to accept my progress, if I would label the boxes appropriately. Shortly thereafter, she said we needed to ditch the work, and take her rental car back, because she had sold her vehicle, without a real plan as to what she should do next.

I found myself in awe of my friend. I looked around to see that she had sold almost every large piece of furniture to her name, and had basically left herself a few boxed up items and a used mattress. Sometimes I am amazed at how this amazing friend of mine can juggle so many tasks…so many life altering situations, and still somehow manage to keep herself in the eye of the tornado…with a smile still glued to her face!

We managed to get a small amount of work done today, and didnt even finish an entire beer….This in itself speaks volumes.

After I left her, I jammed out to good music on my way home, with the sun roof open. I felt so lucky to sit even longer in the sun, enjoying a track meet of my daughters. Then I headed home….

On my way home, I saw a road sign that said “With each new sunrise a new journey begins”. I dont know who wrote that, but it seemed to sum up my day, and the entire stage of life for my good friend. Somehow I knew that the billboard was speaking to me.

As I drove a bit further, I noticed the next sign that simply read “DONT DRIVE NAKED”! I dont know why, but for some reason, I looked down to see if I was….

This time I wasnt…

Sometimes, if you really keep your eyes open, you may just be able to see 2 life lessons to live by, in only one day….






friendship, funny, healing, humor, humour, interesting, parenting, society, stories

Relief From a Poor Decision….

I had to urinate so badly….more than I ever had to before in my life. I tried all of the normal techniques to subside my urges…the ones I learned when I was on road trips with my parents, and they refused to stop…but I was beyond that point. I pranced nervously around the room, I pushed deeply on my bladder, I peed a tiny bit in my pants hoping to relieve some pressure, and I tried to take deep breaths and relax, but it was to no avail…. I could hold it no longer.

Recently, my oldest daughter has begun to reach the stage in her life where she has started to get herself in the middle of “girl drama”. She is very vocal about it….always wanting to talk it out, which is something that I would have never done in my early prime. She likes to read me each text, from each person, and tries to piece the whole thing together for me to understand. Half way through her speech, I find myself getting figety, before I finally have to say “ALL right. Can we sum this up in a few sentences”?

The thing is, Im sometimes guilty of not listening to half of the drama that she is involved with. Its not that Im not interested, its just that shes just a better person than I ever was in my youth. She has a strong sense of reason, she roots for the underdog, and she ALWAYS stands up for what she believes. Though she was brought to this world in a tiny package, she is certainly NO coward.

Last night, I found myself listening to more of her drama. After shooing her off again, I really thought hard about what she was saying. She has no interest in the drama, and was trying to find a delicate way to get out of it.

This led me to consider my own middle school years. While I too never had any interest in the drama, I was too scared of getting beat up myself, to worry about someone elses fate. I sadly, would go along with every cool persons plan, just so I didnt find myself in the spot light. I would even go against my own best friend, if it meant I was cool in another persons eyes. I was a pathetic, pitiful, FOLLOWER!

As I thought about it longer, I started to recall the drama in my school. Girls fighting other girls for no other reason, except for the fact that they could. Girls moving to an entire different lunch table to place another girl in obvious solitude, due to one sole “cool” persons plan and apparent anger! Girls would stop talking to each other because one talked to anothers boyfriend, and lets not forget about the fights caused just because one best friend tread on the ground of another best friend. I admit to being a bystander, involving many of these events….

I recalled on two occasions, a friend of mine being beat up by two different people… My heart and my insides cried for this girl, though my cowardness left me in the crowd watching, like every other coward/menace to society. Each time, I walked away with the crowd…and each time I kept the information to myself. Even at the time, I knew I was a better person than that….though I didnt show it.

Today, I recounted these stories to my partner Renee. Though I dont think she was surprised to hear my stories, she still shook her head.

After seeing Renees response, I began to really assess how horrible of a friend I was! I wanted to apologize to my long lost friend right away… But before doing that, I needed to be completely honest…

….Not just about my lack of support when it was clear she needed me, but also about what I, her close friend, had done at her house, while she slept….

My friend had invited me over for a slumber party, along with a handful of other friends. I always loved staying at this friends house…her family was so cool. We all packed our sleeping bags and pillows, and arranged them in the living room, just like we always did. We had a blast, giggling, pranking people, and just being silly old girls.

In the morning, I awoke very early. I dont know if it was from the overabundance of soda pop, or just my laziness in using the bathroom when I first felt it, but I had to go bad. Feeling comfortable in my surroundings, I headed up to the one bathroom that they had available in their home. Unfortunately for me, my friends dad was taking a bath at that time….meaning he was in no hurry.

I started to panic a little bit, not feeling brave enough to tell him that I had to go bad!! Instead, I started to pace around the halls, and in my friends bedroom. I squated down to relieve pressure, and even pressed on my bladder for a small release. I urinated enough to saturate my unders, but it wasnt enough to have bothered with at all. Minutes seemed like hours to a small girl of my stature.

I made my way to the threshold of the stairs, and saw my friends sleeping soundly. For a minute, I considered just going out into the yard, and peeing behind a bush, but I feared that if I opened the front door, that I would awaken my friends. Again, I made my way back to my friends room…

I paced a little more, before I realized what I had to do. I slowly dropped my pants and started peeing on her large area rug. Not just in one place, so it would be obvious. Instead, I walked around the room, peeing on different areas of the rug so that it would dry fast, and be more difficult to notice.

As soon as I emptied my whole entire bladder, I packed my bag, woke the girls, and told them I was going to go home for the day….

I have no idea why I made this choice versus finding a bucket, or asking to use the bathroom, while the dad covered his eyes. I feel like Im no better than the bullies, who also had no reason for their poor choices. However, it makes me see my daughter in a different light. Shes way stronger than me, and has become my immediate hero.

Here is where I say…Im sorry. Im sorry to you and your family……and mostly I hope you still got a pretty reasonable sale price for that rug, when it came time to sell. I hope you will forgive me…over time….






food, friendship, funny, humor, humour, society, stories

Broadening Horizons…..

As the acid proceeded upward in a quickened fashion, we smiled happily at one another, wondering who would be the first to admit that this was a disaster. I dont often like to lose, so I was continuing to make good eye contact, nodded my head in a fake happiness, and shook my head in a “real” disbelief in the tastiness….

I have spoken in the past about having a variety of different types of friends. Due to my complex nature, I truly believe this is essential. This being said, I have one specific friend who I have labeled as my “adventurer” friend. In the beginning of our friendship, she was very resistant to my strange requests. Dont get me wrong, she always laughed along with my shenanigans, but she was not fast to participate. Over time, she has grown used to my attention seeking behaviors, my bizzare notions, and often times has found herself smack dab in the middle of a place, where my mindset has taken us.

Recently, I have had a strong desire to try Turkish food. Its not so much the food that was luring me in, as much as the ambiance. I wanted to sit on the floor on fancy pillows, and eat rice chips and ground dog breasts, with my hands…just like the locals. I wanted to be served by a waiter that didnt speak my own language, and drink the beer from a land in which Ive never even been. Not many of my cohorts would give into my request to dine in a facility that has less than perfect sanitation, and that may or may not serve domestic animals as a main course. However, after my graphic description of my dream dining experience, hesitantly, my friend agreed to go.

Due to a sick child at home, our first attempt at going to this establishment was a failure. As you may have guessed though, Im not one to quickly give up. Our second attempt was sure to be a success, except… When we got about 3/4 of the way, on our journey, my friend asked where exactly the place was….. I didnt know.

Unfortunately, upon my new search, I noted that my fancy restaurant was closed on Mondays…which just so happened to be that day!! I was a little embarrassed, and she had no trouble laughing at my expense, while secretly thanking The Lord that she wouldnt have to eat her neighbors cat that day! However, we were almost to the city of our destination, and I was bound and determined to find us an equally ethnic place to eat.

I was hoping that she too could see what I was seeing…

….. Sometimes the path we choose, is not necessarily the path that has been chosen for us.:)

Indian it was…

As we pulled in and parked in the lot, a sudden comfort surrounded us. The blacksmiths were patching up holes in the siding, with mud and loose sticks, just as I had imagined. Ethnic music blared from the speaker, and we both looked in the picture glass window in unison, with the hopes of spying a belly dancer or two. No such luck! Still, we looked at each other and nodded, knowing that we had found our predestined dining experience. The only problem was, it wasnt opened yet…..

Because we were early, we had time to walk a few blocks, to check out what other things that this city had to offer. What we came to find was mesmerizing, and it just gave my mind fuel for future dining experiences. There were ethnic restaraunts EVERYWHERE!! Greek, Indian, Chinese, Mediteranean, Mexican, and lastly……TURKISH!!

This was a different Turkish establishment than I had looked up, and it was open. I looked through the windows, like a kid in a candy store, and found it to be the ambiance I had pictured, clad with the fancy floor pillows and long table. I looked at my companion, who seemed to have a half smile/half grimace on her face, and I told her she should decide…Indian or Turkish?

Since our path had brought us to Indian, she chose Indian.

Our eyes were wide open, as the host told us we could sit wherever we wanted. Just as I was about to select a nice two topper, my sweet little friend pointed to a hidden table in the corner. A table for 24, on the floor, surrounded by pillows!! It was a dream come true. I asked if we could occupy that whole table, and thanks to his poor English speaking abilities, he said yes. We removed our flip flops to get on the dingy ornamental rug, and immediately were grateful that we didnt wear socks and tennis shoes.

The buffet was completely foreign. We both put a variety of things on our first plate, with open minds and the promise of a successful trip. We could barely swallow the cuisine, but with smiles on our faces, we refused to give in, and just took a few extra minutes than normal to chew the bites. Still staying positive, we noticed what other patrons were getting, and went for a second trip. We ate even less on these plates! The food was causing our gag reflexes to react, the music was starting to lose its luster, and the Indian beer didnt cover the taste, as much as it should have.

When at last, I smiled brightly at her, talking her into eating the pickled, partially prepared pasta, that I was struggling not to vomit up, it was the last straw. She finally said “I can not eat another bite of this”! We giggled in unison, and left immediately….

The moral of the story is….She had given in first…..:)

This restaurant was not a success, however the adventure was….. Thanks for another grand adventure!!



friendship, funny, humor, humour, racing, society

The High Cost of “Winning”

It was dusk when I gazed out the back window. It had rained all day, and the sky was darker than normal. The large tree in the back yard was still deprived of its spring leaves, but was full of something curious…

They had an eerie quality about them…Their backs were slumped, their necks were curved, and their eyes could bore through the soul of the darkest demon…

Turkey Vultures!!

Earlier this week, when I voiced my concern over the potential dangers of the Illinois squirrels and boxing deer, my mind was thankfully put at ease, when my friend told me that these creatures were NOT prevalent in her town. However, this led her to pre warn me about the overabundance of turkey vultures in this area. So far, these aeronautical creatures hadnt been known to attack humans, but she couldn't promise me anything.

The floor boards creeked below me, and my hair blew back in reponse to the heater vent, blowing air upwards from the ground. I continued to glare out the window at these looming creatures, not daring to look into their eyes. I had just readied myself up to go to Bingo night with my friend, and we couldnt risk being late. In that moment, I said a small prayer. I pleaded that God would get us to the car, without being attacked… Not when there was so much at stake!!

We made it to the car without incident, and I quickly forgot about the vultures, because my nerves had begun to take hold of me, as the time neared for BINGO. I only had an idea of what it would be like, because I hadn't gone since I was a kid. Turns out, we didnt know ANYTHING, and we werent prepared!

First of all, we got there late. Well, right on time…which was late. We were the youngest people there, and I wont lie that we were getting a lot of DESIRED attention. I started giggling immediately.

It all started when the vetran asked if we wanted the $7 package. We didnt know, so we said thats exactly what we needed, and I paid him $14. Next, he asked if we wanted the blue board. We didnt know, so we said “sure”.

“Those are an extra dollar a piece”.

I told my friend to give him two more dollars.

He asked if we wanted to put our name in the pickle jar. I said “I dont know what that is…but sure”! I was giggling hysterically at this point, drawing the attention of the bingo drawing lady.

“Ok. Those are an extra dollar a piece”.

I told my friend to give him two more dollars.

He asked if we needed the ink blotting devices to mark our spots. I knew we needed those, so I said “We need two”.

“Ok. Those are each an extra dollar a piece”. Now I was just laughing out loud, as I told my friend to give him two more dollars. We were officially broke, and now the lady in the front had had it with our nonsense.

She said “If you arent playing, I need to ask you to be quiet”.

We giggled all the way to our seats, which were right next to a darling little elderly lady. She was a professional bingoist, and she was happy to help us out, when she realized we were clueless. I offered her half of my Toblerone candy bar, and we were fast friends. She allowed for me to switch bingo dot colors with her for one round, and even laughed every time I got in trouble for talking….Which is more than you might think.

I have no idea how these people keep up with all of numbers being called out, because I constantly felt like I was drowning. Also, they were so serious! Some people yelled BINGO so loudly, that it would scare you right off your seat. Then, the whole room would groan and say “I only needed one more”!!

At first, I thought these people were ridiculous, but it wasn't long before I was groaning right along with them. My friend won $15, and I was proud of her. Me…I never won.

I left there feeling more knowledgeable about the game, but a little down about not winning. As luck would have it though, my friend had another friend, who just happened to be a townie. She was willing to try to lift my spirits, by taking me to a place where they held “fair” and “friendly” competitions.

I knew we were going to watch crabs race, but what I didnt know, is that I actually got to race my own crab!! I was immediately cheered. They each picked up a random hermit crab in a bowl…but not me. I looked at each crab. I looked at their agility, the tread on their claws, and the heaviness of the shell. I looked at their size, their probable age, and into their beady eyes. Finally, I had found my crab.

The only thing I didnt love about my crab was its name “Jesse James Fudgepacker”. However, I overlooked it, knowing he was the one. My anxiety soared, as I placed him down for his first race. I whispered in his ear a small cheer, and was not surprised at all, to see that he made it to the semi finals!

The second time was no different than the first, as he breezed by his untrained peers, and won the race. We had made it to the finals.

His competition in the finals was sketchy though. There were some bruts…ones that have clearly won on other occasions. It was obvious…he wasnt ready! Still, he made me proud by placing 4th overall.

I realized, as I stood watching others stare at me with envy, in my new “winners circle crab Tshirt”, that I don't need to win money, to feel like a winner. Sometimes all I need is just wonderful, encouraging friends…and a little bit of faith in one small crab.

Thank you Angie for a fabulous time…and if youre reading this….you still owe me $7.50 (half of the bingo earnings). 🙂


friendship, funny, humor, humour, parenting, society, travel

The Upside of Owning Crabs!

“Now please guys, NO fighting. If you try hard to get along, EVERYONE will have a stress free vacation”.

These are the words that Renee left the children to live by, as she sent us all off with an “I miss you all already”, knowing she had 2 full days of silence to herself. We all knew what her statement meant….

…..”Don't Piss your Mama T off in the car, if you know whats good for you”!!! (smiling and waving)

I had already thrown one massive tantrum that morning, after learning that my sweet daughters had placed my newly packed luggage in the shower, hoping to pull a late April Fools joke. My eyes dared my little cherubs to push me further.

Luckily for all of us, they were angels. It may have been because of their fear of my reaction, but it was most likely due to the fact that they had free reign of their electronics during the 4 hour trip, which was a luxury that they rarely got to have. Regardless, I got much needed quiet time on my trip….and least between the songs I was belting out, when an “oldie but goodie” came along.

While driving, I thought about what new adventure might come our way on this trip. We had never been to this city before, and the friend I was going to visit, assured me that there was nothing to do in her town. I thought this was absurd! How can there be NOTHING to do?

Honestly, I didnt need much entertaining. I was just hoping to catch up with her, and maybe get a good laugh or two in, while our children played. The only other thing I wanted to do, is to roam the city in search of a handful of deaf people. I HAD to interact with deaf people!!

It may seem that Im being politically incorrect by saying this, but believe me when I say, my intentions were good. My friend is a principal at the school for the deaf. She is married to a professional man who happens to be deaf, and one of their 5 children is deaf. They know the ins and outs of this community, because it is just a natural part of their lives. For me, this lifestyle is foreign and new.

I grow more fascinated by every new thing I learn, but admit I havent really learned anything new on my own. My friend teases me and tells me I need to learn some signing, and has even gone to the extent of putting apps on my phone that will teach me this trade. Though I have opened them a couple of times, I dont see them often enough to keep up my skills.

So far, I can only call a deaf cat or dog, but Im hoping to expand my horizons. If I could just find a group of deaf college kids to hang out with over a couple of beers, I know I could be fluent in this language.

Day one of our trip is over, and I havent seen anyone appearing to be deaf, except for the ones in her immediate family. Even then, I am not communicating up to my potential…..unless you count my head nodding, pointing, and speaking loudly to get my point across…

I guess there is always today to better myself. In the meantime, we plan to entertain ourselves with other things. After researching her city myself, it turns out shes foolish. There are lots of things to do!!

Not only did we spend last night taking “tasteful selfies” of ourselves, in her teenage daughters clothing, followed by loading all of our kids, and the kids of her extended family, into the swimming pool at the Hampton INN, TONIGHT we have an even bigger night planned!!

What could be bigger than this you may ask?

Bingo at the AM vets starts at 6:45 sharp, and I can not wait. I just hope I brought something nice enough to wear. If this isnt enough already…AND…If our hands arent too callused from playing the bingo boards..We will be following this new tradition up with crab racing at a local bar. Apparently, the locals bring their best and fastest hermit crabs, and then people come to bet on whose will win. I have made a mental promise to myself that I wont wager any more than one or two hundred dollars, and have high hopes that I bring home some BIG MONEY!

Cross your fingers….This trip could end up being better than Vegas!!