friendship, funny, healing, humor, humour, interesting, parenting, society, stories

Relief From a Poor Decision….

I had to urinate so badly….more than I ever had to before in my life. I tried all of the normal techniques to subside my urges…the ones I learned when I was on road trips with my parents, and they refused to stop…but I was beyond that point. I pranced nervously around the room, I pushed deeply on my bladder, I peed a tiny bit in my pants hoping to relieve some pressure, and I tried to take deep breaths and relax, but it was to no avail…. I could hold it no longer.

Recently, my oldest daughter has begun to reach the stage in her life where she has started to get herself in the middle of “girl drama”. She is very vocal about it….always wanting to talk it out, which is something that I would have never done in my early prime. She likes to read me each text, from each person, and tries to piece the whole thing together for me to understand. Half way through her speech, I find myself getting figety, before I finally have to say “ALL right. Can we sum this up in a few sentences”?

The thing is, Im sometimes guilty of not listening to half of the drama that she is involved with. Its not that Im not interested, its just that shes just a better person than I ever was in my youth. She has a strong sense of reason, she roots for the underdog, and she ALWAYS stands up for what she believes. Though she was brought to this world in a tiny package, she is certainly NO coward.

Last night, I found myself listening to more of her drama. After shooing her off again, I really thought hard about what she was saying. She has no interest in the drama, and was trying to find a delicate way to get out of it.

This led me to consider my own middle school years. While I too never had any interest in the drama, I was too scared of getting beat up myself, to worry about someone elses fate. I sadly, would go along with every cool persons plan, just so I didnt find myself in the spot light. I would even go against my own best friend, if it meant I was cool in another persons eyes. I was a pathetic, pitiful, FOLLOWER!

As I thought about it longer, I started to recall the drama in my school. Girls fighting other girls for no other reason, except for the fact that they could. Girls moving to an entire different lunch table to place another girl in obvious solitude, due to one sole “cool” persons plan and apparent anger! Girls would stop talking to each other because one talked to anothers boyfriend, and lets not forget about the fights caused just because one best friend tread on the ground of another best friend. I admit to being a bystander, involving many of these events….

I recalled on two occasions, a friend of mine being beat up by two different people… My heart and my insides cried for this girl, though my cowardness left me in the crowd watching, like every other coward/menace to society. Each time, I walked away with the crowd…and each time I kept the information to myself. Even at the time, I knew I was a better person than that….though I didnt show it.

Today, I recounted these stories to my partner Renee. Though I dont think she was surprised to hear my stories, she still shook her head.

After seeing Renees response, I began to really assess how horrible of a friend I was! I wanted to apologize to my long lost friend right away… But before doing that, I needed to be completely honest…

….Not just about my lack of support when it was clear she needed me, but also about what I, her close friend, had done at her house, while she slept….

My friend had invited me over for a slumber party, along with a handful of other friends. I always loved staying at this friends house…her family was so cool. We all packed our sleeping bags and pillows, and arranged them in the living room, just like we always did. We had a blast, giggling, pranking people, and just being silly old girls.

In the morning, I awoke very early. I dont know if it was from the overabundance of soda pop, or just my laziness in using the bathroom when I first felt it, but I had to go bad. Feeling comfortable in my surroundings, I headed up to the one bathroom that they had available in their home. Unfortunately for me, my friends dad was taking a bath at that time….meaning he was in no hurry.

I started to panic a little bit, not feeling brave enough to tell him that I had to go bad!! Instead, I started to pace around the halls, and in my friends bedroom. I squated down to relieve pressure, and even pressed on my bladder for a small release. I urinated enough to saturate my unders, but it wasnt enough to have bothered with at all. Minutes seemed like hours to a small girl of my stature.

I made my way to the threshold of the stairs, and saw my friends sleeping soundly. For a minute, I considered just going out into the yard, and peeing behind a bush, but I feared that if I opened the front door, that I would awaken my friends. Again, I made my way back to my friends room…

I paced a little more, before I realized what I had to do. I slowly dropped my pants and started peeing on her large area rug. Not just in one place, so it would be obvious. Instead, I walked around the room, peeing on different areas of the rug so that it would dry fast, and be more difficult to notice.

As soon as I emptied my whole entire bladder, I packed my bag, woke the girls, and told them I was going to go home for the day….

I have no idea why I made this choice versus finding a bucket, or asking to use the bathroom, while the dad covered his eyes. I feel like Im no better than the bullies, who also had no reason for their poor choices. However, it makes me see my daughter in a different light. Shes way stronger than me, and has become my immediate hero.

Here is where I say…Im sorry. Im sorry to you and your family……and mostly I hope you still got a pretty reasonable sale price for that rug, when it came time to sell. I hope you will forgive me…over time….

 

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crime, humor, interesting, society

Naive Realism: A Theory of Perception

The crime rates in Indianapolis have recently soared, and the murder rate in 2013 exceeded the murder rate of the city of Chicago.

I make it a point not to watch the news, because I cant bear to hear about one more rape, break in, or murder. I guess I would rather live my life to the fullest, not knowing what nonsense may or may not happen to me. If its my time, its my time. Odds are, there is nothing I can do to prevent it anyway, so Id rather not stress myself out.

This morning however, because I was anxious to hear about possible warm weather, I tuned into a local news channel. I wasnt really focused on the news per say, but I could hear it in my background. My attention was grabbed though, when I heard that a teenage boy was being prosecuted for raping a 93 year old woman! It just made me ill, and I immediately turned the television off. At the time, I really didnt think I had absorbed the information, because I continued on with my day…without a care in the world….

The sun shone brightly through my living room window, and for the first time in a long time, I felt ready to start this day. I motivated myself early, making my way to the gym, as soon as I dropped my kids off at school. I was planning to meet a friend, and though we didnt have plans of yet, I knew we would make some.

We felt great after our workout, and decided to go next door to celebrate with a little coffee. Finally, it was warm enough to sit outside, and my body absorbed the Vitamin D happily. We sat out there for some time, laughing and catching up, not once thinking or worrying that we would be acosted by some thug at any moment.

At one point, we began talking about recent crimes in our city, and it became apparent to me that I have been absorbing the information I am hearing, but I have just chosen to place it in the back of my mind. I told her about the news I had heard this morning, and she shared some of her own knowledge on the subject. This stimulated me to remember a conversation that I recently had with Renee, about this new game that “thugs” are playing called “knock out”!

Knock out is a game that has been played frequently in our close, neighboring city of Chicago. Apparently the thug waits quietly outside the door of a convenient store or gas station, until their intended target innocently comes out the door, only to be punched in the side of the head by their attacker. The goal, of coarse, is to knock the victim out in one punch! While I can completely picture a large group of unkempt, underwear showing boys, high fiving their asinine behavior, I find it interesting that their targets are often poor old women, or weak little beings. It kind of takes the toughness out of it, in my personal opinion.

After telling my friend about the new game arriving in our own city, we talked about how ridiculous it was, what we would do in this situation, and how more elderly people should defend themselves better! After this, I didnt think about it again….Until I did….

I loaded my son in the car to take him to choir practice. It was still warm, so I opened the sun roof and turned up the radio…John Cougar Mellencamp strummed his guitar loudly overhead, and we barely spoke a word.

I noticed that my gas gauge was very low, but we were running late as usual. He said I should stop at the gas station. He was not worried about being late, but more worried about having to push the car, because he is still too young to steer. I told him not to worry, because the yellow light wasnt even on yet. Of course, this was a dumb decision, because I was just getting ready to get on the highway at rushour. The light turned on, as soon as we got on the highway…

Luckily, nothing stopped us on the highway, but I decided not to push it, and stopped to get gas, at the first station available. Unfortunately, this happened to be an inner city gas station, that didnt appear to be in the best area of town. Not thinking twice, I got out of the car.

As soon as I started pumping the gas, I became increasingly aware of my surrounding. Bass boomed loudly through opened windows. A line was formed at every tank, and eyes were glaring into me, telling me that they were annoyed….I gulped and knew I was taking too long. Four or five people became restless, and got out of the seemingly popular, UNMARKED/SRIPPED used police cars that were prevalent here. Groups were forming, and people seemed to know each other here….Half of them had underwear hanging out of the back of their jeans and/or a gold “grill” lining their teeth.

I wont lie when I say, I began to worry. I recalled our previous conversation about the “Knock out gang”, and wondered if any of them were here. I was trying to remember my safetly techniques, and I began to look back and forth at my surroundings, so that I would become completely aware if someone approached me, with a fist heading toward my temple.

Suddenly I becamed overwhelmed. Voices became muted, all laughter seemed directed towards me, and I was certain I was in trouble. I looked back at the gas tank, and it was only half full. I panicked, as triads of people walked behind my car, increasing my fight or flight response. I was ready to fight, though I knew I stood no chance. Then it happened…

“POP”

I jumped, certain it was me that had been hit. When I opened my eyes to see I was safe, I realized that it was only the gas pump, telling me it was done. I got in the car and left unharmed…this time…

I think I will stop watching the news again….

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concerts, fame, funny, humor, kids, mom humor, society

Its Not ALWAYS Better Out Than In!

Occasionally, I feel like a bit of bad Karma comes my direction, and it immediately makes me recall the wrongdoing Ive done. Recently, I have suffered from a bit of a stomach bug. For the most part, I just laid around the house. I watched movies, tried to nap, read some blogs, and caught up on some of the news that I have missed lately.

As I was reading some of the top stories trending, I happened to come across this story about an Opera singer who was fired from her job, due to her uncontrollable flatulence and sometimes incontinence of stool. She was a pretty, middle aged woman, who looked to be a fairly classy lady…until now. Apparently, she had a botched episiotomy, during the birth of one of her children, and the musculature that generally holds things in the rectum, no longer does. She was suing the hospital for tens of millions of dollars.

My first reaction was to crack up laughing!!!! All I could picture was her belting out tunes, while air escaped her deriere, filling the arena with other aromas, differing from the usual popcorn and wine smells that people were so used to. I watched as many “male” newscasters told hilarious jokes about this poor lady and her excessive farting, and I admit I laughed along…. because lets face it, farts are funny! I wondered why she made this so public, by suing for millions.

Really, it wasnt THAT funny!….Especially if it had happend to me! This is a procedure that many women have done, when they have their babies, and I wondered how many other women have this issue, but do not choose to share it with the world. The truth is, I knew I shouldnt be laughing, but still found myself telling this story to coworkers, and to my kids when they got home from school…..Then we all laughed at this poor womans obvious imperfections. Trust me when I say Jesus was whispering in my ear to tell me to stop acting like this….I knew better, but I didnt choose to stop.

Later that evening, I was still feeling crappy and just wanted to rest. However, motherhood doesnt often allow for this, and I had to round my children up to attend my daughters swim meet. Although my stomach was feeling very sour, I was still starving! Against my better judgement, because I was listening to my belly instead of my brain, I ate right along side my children.

For some reason, I never seem to follow the general rules of tending to my belly, during its aliling. Why cant I just eat saltine crackers and drink 7up or gingerale? I dont know, but I never seem to learn. Instead, I fixed myself a big old plate of cornbeef and cabbage, and then for dessert, I had an entire broccoli crown!!

I am an idiot!

I made my way to the swim meet, barely able to hold my body upright. I tried to put on a sprig of makeup, just to spruce myself up a little, but I couldnt bear to change out of my jeans and sweatshirt. I looked dehydrated and haggard. We got there on time, and got ourselves nestled in our seats, but because the LORD needed to teach me a lesson, the other team wasnt there yet, and wouldnt be for another hour. This delay prolonged that meet into a total of 3 hours.

It wasnt long after we got there that the cabbage or broccoli started working its magic. Stomach cramping was starting up high, and shooting pain through my whole midsection. I just stayed bent over, and hoped it would go away soon…..but it never did. Instead, it worked its way all the way down to my colon, making me extremely uncomfortable. I cant imagine what my facial expresions resembled. I kept pretending I was smiling, but really it was just the reaction of me tensing up, trying to keep the noises inside my body and not allowing them to escape.

This worked for awhile, but it wasnt long before I had no control anymore. I couldnt leave the meet. I guess I could have sat in the bathroom, but I would never have made my way back out. I could have stood in the hallway, but it would only be obvious who was doing it. I was still holding on to hope that the people around us thought it was one of my disgusting children. AND….hind sights 20/20….I wish I would have made more effort to sell that idea!!

I could have fake sniffed, tryed to find a fake culprit, or looked at my own children in disgust. Instead, I just sat there in the fetal position, willing these swimmers to go faster. I wished for a moment that I had dressed better. If only I had made myself look like an opera singer, instead of a football player….maybe I wouldnt have gotten as many looks. The only saving grace was the long, black, fluffy down coat I was wearing. Even if it was hotter than hell in there, I tried to keep it snugged tightly around me. I hoped and hoped that all of the expelled air would stay beneath my overcoat, until I got home to set my coat free….or on fire.

As I sat in discomfort throughout that whole meet, I thought alot about the poor opera singer. I probably only cleared out a few people around me, but she would be capable of clearing an entire section of Carnegie Hall…. I shouldnt have laughed at her…. I had learned a lesson.

Now, for those of you who may have been sitting near me during that swimming event, I hope youve learned my same lesson…..before you started laughing at me!!……

You're Welcome!:)

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family, funny, gay parenting, homosexuality, humor, kids, society

Arrest them!…They Could Be Armed With Propaganda!

If you werent aware before now….Russian leaders do not tolerate homosexual propaganda being showcased in their streets. The other day, I happened to be reading an issue of the PEOPLE magazine, which is the only way I stay up to date on current events, and I happened to read about the anti-gay laws that the Russian president had put in place, to prepare for the upcoming Olympics. Apparently, anyone who plans to appear gay in public….including foreigners, will be arrested and fined immediately.

To name just a few feelings that came across me, I was dumbfounded, shocked, floored, astonished, amazed, STARTLED, and suprised to say the least…..Actually, I think my response was laughter. Not because it is really hilarious, but because its idiotic. Why should we be surprised at Russian laws, when our own country is in such turmoil surrounding the topic?

This story happened to perk my interest, so I decided to look further into it. I didnt want to share a story that was completely false. I needed more facts!! What I found was not surprising….PEOPLE magazine had exaggerated. Desite the fact that many gay Russians have been arrested, bullied, and killed in their country, MR. Vladmir Putin was clear when he notified other countries that gay people were safe in their country, as long as they left the children alone….The children needed left in peace. In addition to this, Gay athletes are welcome to participate in the Olympic Games, but they must obey Russian laws, and under No circumstances, should they take their “propaganda” to the streets.

Leave the children ALONE? I wonder if any gay person had tickets to the Olympics, but then read that and thought…”Well, I was going to go, but since I cant play with the Russian children…I better stay home”! Seriously, now that I know I am assured that I wont have to be bothered by any random bratty children, I feel like that was a personal invitation to their country…It would be like a vacation. The only other thing I would have to do, is keep my propaganda off the streets…Surely I could manage that…RIGHT??

I admit, I had to look up the word “propaganda”. I wasnt sure if this was a body part that I needed to keep hidden, or if it meant I needed to leave all of my gay paraphernalia at home… Turns out, they just dont want you carrying banners, and brochures, in attempts to lure in innocent heterosexuals that are passing by. I wondered if thats what these gay athletes had in mind, before these laws were put into place. Maybe they were working their whole life trying to prepare themselves for a chance of a lifetime, planning for their one chance to have multiple countries watch them do a triple axel on the ice rink, then follow it up with a gay rally in the streets of Russia….Probably!

I have no choice but to commend their country for trying to keep their streets safe. However, I have a hunch that they have just invited alot of extreme gay activists to their country, willing to march up and down their streets in a speedo, clad with shiny nipple piercings, just to die for a good cause. I for one, will continue to watch these people be lynched from the comfort of my own couch at home.

Truthfully, we have needed these adovocates to get us to where we are today. However, like anything else, there are those who go to far. Im glad that there are people who are willing to fight for their cause, and I wish I would be more enthusiastic and interested in my own cause.

While watching the news the other day, Renee and I happened to see a small flash of a story regarding the legalization of gay marriage in our state. I turned it up, listened to it, and still didnt understand what was happening. Apparently there has been a debate going on for awhile in our state, and we havent paid the least bit of attention to it. I told her that we needed to start paying attention to this, since it could affect us for one….and for two…its getting embarrassing when heterosexual people, who are supporting our cause, ask me questions about it, and I have to say “Pardon…did you say they were legalizing gay marriage”? Or the fact that when everyone was putting the equality picture as their facebook picture, I was asking Renee what that sign was and wondered if someone had died. Its ridiculous how out of the loop we are.

I know it would be nice to have equal rights and the ability to get married if we wanted to. I guess I havent thought about it a whole lot, since I already feel married. Some people may ask “Well yeah, but what about taxes, and your children, and what would you do if you separated”?

Honestly, I dont mind claiming head of household, and I guess I have always been holding out for the Common law rules, and that whole “possession is 9/10ths of the law” thing…and so forth.

The other night, as we sat as a family watching the news, I took it upon myself to tell my kids about the Russian laws at the Olympics. They gasped and carried on, as they expected they should, then my son said “Good thing we arent going to the Olympics then”. We giggled and talked about it a while, before my oldest daughter chimed in. She said “They cant do that Mama. Its not right. Its not legal. How can they do that.”?

I laughed and said, “Well, they have their own laws dear. They can do what they want.”. My son chimed back in saying “Its a whole other country. Our laws arent the same”.

My sweet daughter responded by saying “Oh, I thought Russia was in the United States”. I fought back my urge to laugh, but it didnt matter because her younger siblings were taunting her enough with questions like “IF you could go anywhere in America where would you want to visit”?……HAHAHA….”Russia”?

Realizing that the Russian government was the least of our worries at this point, Renee leaned over and whispered into my ear…..”We probably should invest in a globe”….

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friendship, funny, humor, society

WIERD CONNECTIONS

Often I find myself overhearing a conversation, being drawn into a wierd situation, or witnessing a happening around me, that I don't quite know how to respond to. People are interesting to say the least…..

Don't get me wrong, I am kind of a bizarre person myself. I have a dry sense of humor and am often misunderstood. I find things amusing, that not everyone finds amusing. I'm sure I've been overheard sounding idiotic, and I'm certain I've been talked about by strangers who have been within earshot! The thing is, I don't really care what people think, and I've recently come to realize that I'm not alone in that feeling.

Today, I bellied up to the bar at a local brewery with my good friend. We didn't have much time, but thought we would grab a quick beer and catch up with one another. This is always a good thought process, but for some reason, the two of us are always interrupted by what I would call bizarre people…. but what my friend would call possible clients, for her newly opened YOGA studio! She always draws them into conversation, invites them to her studio, and is NICE…..EVEN when I give her the eye!

Anyway, as we were chatting away, a nice lovely local couple came in and sat next to us. The lady was loud, appearing to want everyone to know she had arrived. I made the unfortunate mistake of looking over at her, just when she was removing an item from her jacket…….She made eye contact! Then, I noticed what was in her hand. A medium sized rust colored stuffed animal. When I smiled at her, she said “Its my aardvark, it goes everywhere with me”!

I thought “Hmmmm….naturally”!

I quickly wanted to direct my attention back to my friend, but the lady wasnt done. She said “I can see you girls eyeing it. I know you want to feel how soft it is…. so go ahead”! Then, she placed that dingy ALF looking creature directly in front of me. I had no idea what plagues this item had, and I didnt want to touch it, but I was stuck between a rock and a hard place……I touched it! I thought this would appease her…but she wasnt done!

As my friend and I attempted to take a good selfie photo of ourselves, the lady became a bit surprised that we didnt want the aardvark in our photo! We laughed it off, but I think we stopped just shy of having to have a full photo shoot with a strangers stuffed animal! Instead, she took her own phone and the aardvark to different spots around the brewery to photograph it, and promised the bartender that if she accidentally knocked something over, her aardvark would pick it back up!

I had trouble believing at this point that this was really happening….That this was not a twisted dream that was occurring after mixing Benadryl with wine! I felt bad that I was going to have to leave my friend here alone, to finish her beer, but I had to get home to my children. However, as I was driving home, I thought that this was a win win for her…That is, if she could get the lady to join some classes at her yoga studio.

If she felt comfortable charging the aarvark, she could get two customers in one sitting…….

I guess there really is a purpose for each group of people who cross paths! Thank God for wierd connections! 🙂

 

 

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food, funny, humor, interesting, kids, music, society

A DEBUTANTE FOR A DAY

It all started with the ding of the elevator. I had reached the 9th floor….the PENTHOUSE!

Feeling nervous, yet excited, I slowly opened the elevator door, hoping to catch a glimpse of someone I knew.

I loudly made my way into the kitchen…clip clip clip clop…… My high heels were the only sounds I heard, over the quiet whispering of strangers in the next room.

All eyes turned to me, as I came into view in the doorway. I said hello, and did several introductions on my own, hoping to find at least one companion to talk to. My hostess friend was hostessing….

After, making my way through a handful of superficial conversations, the feeling of awkwardness came over me again.

I walked through the apartment, old, yet beautiful…. High ceilings, old woodwork, and giant windows in the foyer.

I could smell overwhelming sage, mixed with a faint smell of fresh food cooking in the kitchen. I could hear Jack Johnson quietly playing in the background, while new people were arriving….some were meeting for the first time. I noticed the first time handshakes, and the comfortable hugs of recognition.

I made my way to the balcony. I looked out at the city….to the North, the South, and to the East. I closed my eyes for a moment. My dress was blowing slightly in the breeze, and I could feel the cool evening air on my face.

I was enjoying my wine.

I talked with several more strangers, moving outside my comfort zone. I met teachers, and runners, acupuncturists, and bakers. I conversed with construction workers, and painters, computer gurus, and musicians. I met interesting people, strange people, ones I've seen before, and others I'll never see again.

It was an experience….

I drank more wine.

I made my way back to the food table. I noshed on roasted tenderloin, fancy cheeses, olives from different countries…. dishes I wasn't sure of, and a delicious ceviche, that I still can't pronounce correctly.

The red wine was gone…. I switched to fancy beer.

Before I knew it, I was friends with everyone! I was a social butterfly, sure to have made a lasting impression.

I felt like Scarlet Ohare, only in a luxurious penthouse in the city, instead of a southern home in the country. Our lives somehow mimicked one another's.

I pretended that this is where I lived, and that these were the people I always socialized with. I pretended that I wear dresses everyday, and that there is always an endless amount of wine flowing freely from my home. I pictured myself laying on the canopy bed on the balcony….the ceiling fan whirling overhead, while my butler served me grapes directly off the vine….

For a moment, I lived the life of this Godess that I dreamed I was.

I was home before midnight….sleeping before my head even struck the pillow. It's ALOT of work to play a debutante.

My eyes opened again…only I wasn't in my palace, but my old bed…in my old house. I could hear children fighting in the background, and my heartbeat in my head.

My children fought their way out the door, and I made my way to the tax office. The state says I owe them $800. I'm sure I don't.

I sit and listen to the lady helping me. She tells me what a horrible accountant my tax preparer is. She tells me that she messes up ALOT of people's forms. I listen to her for an hour, as we wait on hold for the IRS. I was being tested.

I made my way to the grocery store, for an in and out trip. I found myself in the shortest line, with the slowest checker. I needed a nap.

Is my patience testing me, or am I testing my patience?

I often wish I had more days to be a debutante. This leads me to wonder more….

If I were a debutante everyday, would I long for the life of a simple, poor woman who has more stress, but is able to appreciate the high times in my life?

I will never really know…but I can give it a good guess!

 

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food, funny, humor, society

You’re Only As Classy As The Ones You Surround Yourself With :)

I ate a prime rib sandwich for lunch today! It's not often….well never…that I get to say this. Mainly because, I'm not wealthy enough to eat this on a regular basis!

I got invited to celebrate my friends Birthday today, at a fine dining establishment downtown. Devour Downtown is going on right now in our city, which means you can eat at high dollar restaurants for discounted prices, though the menu is limited. Nonetheless, it gives poor people like me a chance to dine with the elite….even though the elite are not ordering off this menu 🙂

I love to eat at these places, because I feel classy for just a minute! I can dress up a little and feel like a real lady! The only thing is, I don't necessarily know all the etiquette, and I wonder if people are staring!

Today, a few of us ordered shrimp cocktail. It was so fancy…The lemon was spiked on that fancy fork, and the shrimps were buried beneath the sauce!!! The question was…How do you eat these?……

I looked around the table, looking for a leader…..someone to show me what to do!! These shrimps were enormous! Certainly not the kind you get frozen at the grocery store. Sadly, I feel like everyone else at the table was looking for the same leadership…..I waited for the first brave one to take a bite, then I followed suite. She used her fingers instead of the tiny fork!….

These are probably the times where our class is knocked down a notch, though I'm still not certain we were wrong in our etiquette! We were just never taught how to use these tiny forks as kids…there was no need! If we did have one, we used it to teach our barbies how to eat…they're to tiny for anything else!

Anyway, I was glad for two major things! First that we were given black napkins instead of white ones, and second that we all had the same caliber of ettiqute :).

Before the main course, a group of us ladies went to the bathroom together to powder our noses….which means I was checking out the fancy facilities. I love to see fancy bathrooms!! Instead of paper towels, there were car drying cloths available…way softer! The seats of the toilets weren't cushioned and there was no bidet, but something about the ambiance in there was amazing. If I hadnt passed the waiter with my prime rib sandwich, on the way to the bathroom, I would have stayed in there longer.

The girls and I sipped on fancy “Rodney Strong” wine and au jus sauce, while talking about credit card fraud, identity theft, the end of times, and whether you pull the chicken of the bone with your fingers, or a fork, when dining at eating establishments. We giggled and told stories of our days of yore, while passing our friends/sisters new baby around for everyone to hold. This is when I really realized I was REALLY good with babies…BETTER than I already thought I was!!

Not many people can coo and entertain a baby, holding the sweetie in place with one hand…..and dominate a conversation, while sipping wine all at once! My talents are endless I guess!!

Before leaving, I had to embarrass us one more time. Really, it made no difference, because we were the only ones left in the whole place, most likely due to our grotesque eating of the shrimp, and our “joking around threats” of stealing some of those soft car wash napkins out of the bathroom. WE WOULD NEVER DO THAT BY THE WAY!

However, we did have to ask the waiter for Harry and Izzy bags to put our cupcakes in (that we didnt get from this establishment)….JUST to prove that we really had dined here. Who would believe us otherwise? To humiliate him a little more, I had him stand behind us with the camera, to take a picture of us walking out of the restaurant, with our FANCY “left overs” bags!

As usual, I was highly entertained by my luncheon, and the characters in this biography!

STATUS: Another GREAT day with GREAT friends 🙂

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY!!

 

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