exorcise, funny, health, humor, society, stories

Recycling Dreams…


As we make that transition from our greedy youth, to our greedy adulthood, some things are left unchanged. As adults, we continue to desire things that we dont have, or cannot afford.

There are some, who will fantasize about these items for the entirety of their lives, but never live with the means to afford their desired ammenities. It remains only a dream…

There are others who will buy their desired item without hesitation, because they

1. Have more money than they know what to do with.


2. Feel fine about signing their kids up for free meals at school, while maxing out every credit card they own, to have what they desire.

Still, there are the majority, not unlike myself, who live out a blend of the two lifestyles mentioned above.

While I am guilty of buying things on impulse, even things I cant afford, I also have a variety of dream items that I will most likely long for, for the rest of my life. I guess I feel lucky to have the insane ability to realize my full potential….Which happens to be in the middle of a ladder, that I've lost interest in climbing.

I have always known myself to be somewhat of a dreamer. If I see somebody doing something interesting, I think I need to learn the trade.

For instance, I once saw someone in a cool band, and I wanted to play the guitar….I saw someone country line dance on TV, and I needed some lessons…I saw someone icefishing, and I needed a pole…I watched a man balance on a unicycle, and thought that if I had one, I could really excel…and so on and so forth. BUT…The truth of the matter is, that sometimes I buy these things on impulse. While some of the items work out, the majority of the items just sit and gather dust, when I realize that I am not gifted with the trade.

Then there are the items that I dont buy on impulse, the ones I leave in the dream state. While most of them stay in the dream state, others come out of the dream state, when a loved one has noted one of your particular desires, and thinks of it as a good gift item…. These are generally the items that should have been left in the dream state, where your conscious left them in the first place!

But what I love most, are the desired items that turn out to be great investments. The ones that make us smile, knowing we spent our hard earned money well. Maybe a great pillow…a pair of roller skates…a good bottle of wine…OR A GREAT BIKE!!

For most of my adult life, I have longed for a good granny bike…You know, the ones with wide seats and handle bars, with the basket on the front to carry a small dog, or a six pack of beer? I never did buy one though, because the actual idea of biking has never truly interested me (this is likely due to the chaffing of my legs and bruising of my lady parts, every time I ride one, likely due to improper padding in the lining of my shorts). Regardless, this was a desire of mine that someone else noticed, and the bike was purchased as a gift to me. Sadly, aside from a couple of trial sessions with my kids, that bike sat rusting in the garage.


Recently, my dear, loving, new bike riding companion, was gifted herself a new granny bike, after voicing her desired ammenity. That bike too, sat in the garage rusting for two solid months. UNTIL…our spontaneous decision FINALLY came to unify the bikes, and set sail peddles on a new adventure.

We set out with pride on our fancy new bikes, waving at anyone who would wave back. The idea was, we would drive 4 miles in one direction, stop for a beer, to rest our callusing hams half way through, and then ride 4 miles back, for a well rounded ride. It would be perfect!

The first of the obstacles we ran into was the ROAD CLOSED sign on our untrafficked path. Due to the barbed wire fencing, we couldnt even sneak past the construction, without gaping wounds…So around we turned!

We meandered our way instead on the sidewalks of busy streets, passing beautiful fast food restaraunts, and boarded up budget motels, almost getting ourselves hit by two oncoming cars in the process. We never did find a half way point, because we forgot that we live in a small town, and that every place is closed on Monday…Thats when we remembered that conservative people only drink beer Tuesday through Sunday.

Still, unrattled, we headed back, stopping at a local liquor store on the way. We not only needed a well deserved margarita when we got home, but we needed something to fill our baskets. One bottle of tequila and two 40's later, and the last leg of our trip was a breeze!!

This was yet another adventure added to my full life. I feel glad to have given an old dream a second chance, and feel certain that the bikes were good investments. As soon as I am able to sit again, I have every intention of getting right back on.

While some dreams will always remain dreams, its always important to believe that others can be realities.

“Learn from your dreams what you lack.” – W.H Auden





exorcise, health, racing, running, society, stories

Last Year, Last Month, Last Week, and Today….

It was a week ago, when I really started focusing on the fact that I would truly have to run in the half marathon that I had signed myself up for, almost a year ago. To some of you, it may seem like that is plenty of time to prepare for an event like this… and in reality, it is. However, sometimes my brain, my body, and my social life, seem to differ on the idea of what should be done to prepare.

This is certainly not the first time I have run one of these. In fact, this is about the 8th year in a row I have done it. I have run it with little training, and I have run it fully trained. Believe me when I say the body rewards you heavily, when you are prepared versus unprepared. Last month, after running the 15K, that was supposed to be a part of my training plan, my body was tattered, hurt, and yelling at me in language that I found to be innapropriate. I told myself then, that I would use the rest of the month, before the big race, to get my body into better shape.

……Well I didnt…..

The entire month I lived my life weighing everything on an imaginary scale. I did run/exercise, just not to the extent I should have been. Its just that as the sun finally showed its face, and the days started to get warmer, other entertaining events outweighed my desire to train. Yard work, painting, afternoon beers, and playing with my friends, became more luring.

Well, the week before the race had finally arrived, and I admit that I began to worry. Of course, I fell ill the first couple of days of the week, leaving me separating my time between my bed and the couch, but I was able to pull myself together for one day of exercise midweek.. YIPES!

I had no business running this race, and I knew it… BUT I paid big money to run it, and it was kind of a tradition now…. So, knowing that my poor body would pay me back for what I was about to do…I vowed to run it!

The night before the race, I made equally good decisions, when I ate my weight in Pizza, and then fueled the rest of my body with cheap red wine, that went well with the Benadryl I took, to clear up my stuffy nose, and that at least led me to bed early, so I could say I got good sleep.

Today was race day. I awoke feeling like the holy hell I knew I would. I berated myself for my behavior and lack of discipline this year, as I was getting dressed. I was telling myself what an idiot I was for running this, as I pinned my number on my shirt. I could already feel the pain I was meant to endure, while double knotting the lace of my second shoe.

Off I went….

My body and brain fought hard against each other for the first 4 miles. I was still sick wasnt I? I couldnt run this far could I? Only 10 more miles to go! UGH! Despite this negative self talk, I found myself clipping along at a fairly good pace, and before I knew it, I was over half way. However, around mile 8, I found myself saying to myself “I DONT WANT TO RUN ONE MORE STEP”!!! My body said it was done…..

Almost miraculously, right when I said that, a man appeared to drop dead in front of me. I smiled, hoping this may be my way out. I would have to do CPR, and would be unable to finish this race!! At this point of the race, we were running on the race track of the INDY 500. There were few spectators allowed in this area, and it was difficult to find a medic. The man fell directly in the middle of the track, where runners were having to quickly divert themselves around him, so as not to cause a horrific accident due to trampling. Still, how could he help it?!

He had grabbed his chest and was rolling his body back and forth. He was an older gentleman, and it seemed clear that he was having a heart attack. We told him to relax, and asked if it was his chest. He didnt answer, only writhed in pain. The question was asked three more times, and the medic had been notified, before the man finally responded…. “Its my shoulder”!

Immediately I was deflated and began running, knowing that this man was not my way out. I found myself wondering what would make this asshole, drop down on the middle of the track over shoulder pain. Surely, he could have made his way to the grassy knoll to the side, to hold his shoulder. Since when does dropping to the ground and rolling around help shoulder pain anyway?!

Well, at least it diverted my attention away from my pain for a moment. I assumed he lived.

For the entire last 4 miles of the race, I suffered. Pain was shooting down my legs and back, mocking me. I walked some…I ran some…I whined to myself…and I talked myself into forging on. “This is what you get”!!

I finished the race in 2 hours and 10 minutes. Certainly not my best time, but one that I had no complaints about. Now, as I sit here, with my flaccid legs draped across a chair, and with a beer in my vicinity, I am pleased that I made myself run that race. I WILL PAY for it for the next couple of days, but I am thankful that I have a healthy body, that continues to bounce back!

This race is one that I used to run with my Mama P, before her passing this last October. I thought of her so much during my run, invisioning the pain that she went through, living with her both her debilitating cancer, and with the desire to be able to run again. This race was run for her…

Today, I say thank you God for allowing me to have the ability to run!!


exorcise, health, humor, racing, running

Treat Her Right..and She Will Treat You Better

I hit the snooze button for the second time, and I immediately hated myself for doing so. Still, I dozed in and out for 10 more minutes, knowing it was going to make me run late, just like every other day of my life.

I have known for about 6 months now, that I was signed up to run this 15K, on this day. For some reason though, knowing this, apparently wasn't enough to motivate me to start training properly for the event. Since I had already paid my dollars for this race, and since I knew I would be running a half marathon in only one more month, I decided to see where my body was in this process. Believe me when I say, I knew I would struggle….

When I finally got myself out of the bed, I was faced with every obstacle possible….and I was running late.

I had set my outfit out the night before, but forgot to put my sports bra in the stack. I have a number of these bras in my posession, but I only like to wear one or two of them. I was searching frantically, making it necessary for me to turn on the bright light above Renees head, to wake her up to help me find it in order to dig through my dresser to find them. I ran down to look in the dryer, only to find that the dog had pooped everywhere on the floor, even smearing it into the rug. I leaped over it, dodging it to the best of my ability, but was dissapointed to find NO bra..I never found them, and had to settle for my raggedy ones.

Next, I needed to focus on food. Normally before a race, I would eat peanut butter toast and a banana. However, all of the bananas were rotten, and we had no bread. I did manage to find some partially stale bagels, so I threw them in, but then panicked when I couldnt find the peanut butter.

While they were toasting, I was scurrying to gather my supplies. I had managed to get Renee up at this point, due to my outward groaning and complaining. I needed gum, my music, Chapstick, the armband to hold my music, money to park, and coffee…OH how I needed coffee!….

Renee, being the kind, generous soul that she is, helped me get out the door, but I was beginning to think she was only doing it for her own benefit.

Luckily I had found peanut butter in the back of the cabinet, and began to shove the bagel down my throat, as I sped to get on the highway. I had thirty minutes before the race started, and knew I probably should stretch. I was starting to calm myself down, telling myself that I had plenty of time, until I realilzed that I had not brought any earbuds for my music!! I tried not to panic, telling myself that I could just run 9 miles without the headset…but quickly told myself that I was an idiot!

I wasnt prepared for this race, and I knew I would not be able to bear listening to myself suffocate for the last 6 miles of this race! I made a quick stop at the gas station, praying that they would have a cheap set….They didnt! I was almost in tears as I reached my car. I said one last prayer, hoping that one of my children had left some in the back seat. I dug in, and in the middle of the crack, between the seats, I saw one ear bud sticking out. YEAH!!! Thank you GOD!

I got to the race eight minutes before start time. I reminded myself how dumb I was for doing this, even as I was pinning my number to my shirt. I got to stretch my legs for about 2 minutes, before we were off! This time, I had promised myself that I would not push myself too hard. I would simply enjoy listening to the music, while enjoying the run. I was NOT going to focus on my time…my only goal was to finish.

I struggled through my first few miles, until I talked myself into slowing down. By mile 5 I had settled into a comfortable pace, and let the music overtake my mind. Unfortunately, that is when the blister began forming on the arch of my right foot. Still, I kept running.

At mile 7, my legs were telling me they were taking a good hit, but I was feeling surprisingly better than I thought I would. I forged on, and only ended up walking through one water station, at mile 8. I was pleased to finally see the end, and the only thing keeping me from shedding a tear, were my children…rooting me on at the finish! I waved, smiled, and whispered “Im almost finished”!

I finished in less time than I thought, still able to keep my average time under 10 minute miles. It certainly wasnt my fastest race…but I had finished. I was proud of myself for conquering all my obstacles.

I limped my way to the car, hobbled my way into my house, and sat down to delicately pull my sock off of my fresh new blister. I was hurting bad. It took me many minutes to reach the top of my stairs, due to all of my leg muscles pulling me the opposite way. After showering, I leaned down to pick up laundry off of the floor and my heart began to race into my throat, and wouldnt come down. I was now laying flat on the floor of the hallway…calling my son for help!

As I laid there for the next 5 minutes, waiting for my heart rate to resume at a normal pace, I was thinking about how pathetic I looked in that moment. Im not in my youth anymore, and I need to treat my body nicer.

I apologized to my body and promised I would try to be nicer.

“As soon as I am able to walk again, I will definately train you better”!

printradius 3525 TIA F3539 389 31/90 141/536 1:32:07 1:31:16 9:48


“Your body is precious. It is our vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.” ~Buddha


exorcise, funny, humor, racing, running, society

Show Me YOUR Hallux Valgus And I’ll Show You MINE!

Today I left an attractive young man speechless…I left him dumbfounded….I left him HORRIFIED!…….

For starters, I consider myself a runner. I am well aware of the tolls that this sport can take on the body. Not just the knees, hips, back, feet, and spine, but also all of the internal organs. If you ever get a chance to sit and talk to a runner about it, you will generally get an earful. More than likely there will also be personal information revealed, that you may or may not want to know.

If you ARE a runner, than you know precisely what Im talking about. I have heard about bowel patterns and accidents, about urinating on the course, about having to wipe with things that are less than sanitary during a race, about some people having to lick their own bodies to get their Sodium levels back up, and about blisters and loss of toenails, during a hardcore, long jaunt.

We talk about this kind of stuff openly around other runners, but are more than willing to share this information with anyone who asks. Its sometimes graphic and grotesque, but its something that unites us and fills us with pride. However, there are still limitations. Everyone doesnt need to hear the stories….Usually, strangers are left in the dark. Because really, why does the store clerk want to hear about the hemorrhoid you got while running today, or have to endure listening to how many times you used the bathroom before, during, and after a run? Even runners have etiquette. 🙂

Today, I hit the treadmill for the second day in a row. Though I was a little more winded, tired, and sore, from not running for a month, I made my way to five miles. After I was finished, I noticed that my body was sore in places that tell me….I needed new shoes. Afterall, I have had these for an entire year.

The minute I left that gym, I went directly to my favorite running shoe store to purchase them. Here's where the problem begins. Heres where I come clean about my issues. Heres where the lead in, to mortifying the innocent young man comes in……

I have been dealing with two separate running ailments for some time now. So far, Ive just learned to deal with it. First of all, I have a large bunion on my left toe. Most people that know me have seen it on several occasions, but will most likely tell you that its smaller than it really is….Those people are liars. Each time I run, it hurts worse, and protudes further. I feel as though Im running on a broken toe, but I dont want to stop running. Ive tried all the inserts and used peoples advice, but their is NO good advice when youre actually running. I desperately wanted someone to give me some valid information on this subject. I was tired of keeping my disease a secret!

Secondly, and more disturbingly, I have a problem with bladder control when I run. Although it isnt every time, I have had this problem ever since I was a teen. It doesnt happen during the run, but rather at the end, when I stop running….Maybe due to my bladder relaxing?! It doesnt saturate everything, but it does make me spell kind of like….well…pee!

Some people have told me that I really need to go home and rinse before going to a public place after this, but I disagree. Sometimes I have errands to run, or just need a gallon of milk. I only have so many hours in a day before the kids come home from school, so I need to organize my time wisely. AND…Really, you can only get a whiff of me when I turn briskly, swing my arms back and forth while walking, while shaking a hand, or while bending over anyway! Im virtually safe in any scenario!

Since I needed new shoes immediately today, I had no time to rinse off, or change my socks for that matter! I was on a mission. I entered that store, maybe a little too briskly. Initially, the cute athletic college boy, was more than willing to help. I imagined that he looked at my attire and thought “Wow, this girls in shape”, or “Look at this cute, foxy runner”. It wasnt until I leaned down to try on that first pair of shoes that he brought out, that I smelled ammonia coming from somewhere, and had a hunch I knew from where. At this point, he was starting to have trouble making eye contact with me, either because he was embarrased for me, or because he didnt want his nose facing my direction. Either way, I didnt stop here…

When he asked if Id be needing something else….Of course, I said yes. I asked if he'd had a lot of young ladies in here with bunions, and could enlighten me with ways to tape it up. I showed him how it was sticking out, and explained how it was red and enflamed. He nodded his understanding, as I was droning on, having trouble stopping while I was ahead…If I ever WAS ahead! After I was done, he cleared his throat and said he hasnt seen alot of people with bunions, and would suggest I see a podiatrist!…..This seemed like an easy way out to me, but hey…I did smell like urine.

You may be asking yourself why I shared this personal information today. I'll tell you why…Because somewhere out there, someone is suffering from these two debilitating diseases, and I want those people to know….You're not alone! Plus, I was wondering if anyone out there could give me any natural remedies to cure one or the other of these issues. Thank you in advance!

Your friend,





exorcise, family, funny, health, racing, running

I Don’t Know How To Give Up!

I knew what would happen before I made the decision, but I did it anyway. In retrospect, I would have done the same thing.

In the days that followed, I paid the price. I wanted to get up, move, tend to my house, children, and family, but my brain and body were working against one another. Each step I took pained me, though I wanted so much to GO. I knew it would be better if I just willed myself to do it, but in the last few days, I have fallen short of this goal.

I could see each obstacle in front of me. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel even, but the aching I felt was a hinderence…a bit of a road block even. Slowly, however, I managed to carry on.

I asked my family to be respectful of my needs at this time, as I was in a fragile state. I became confused at the sight of their blank stares, as if they were never looking at me, but instead looked beyond me. I attempted to pay attention to their needs, but I was uncomfortable, and not feeling like my normal self. I fidgeted often, and turned side to side frequently. I knew it had to be obvious to anyone watching.

Though I tried to remain quiet, sometimes my pain would find my voice, and I would outwardly make the sounds that I wished I could have kept inward. I didn't want anyone to look me differently. I had to do this on my own!……And so I did!….

This story is a small depiction of what I was feeling last week, after restarting my exercise regime. The older I get, the more it hurts when I restart….even if only a month has gone by!!

I got in three good solid workouts in last week. The last one I did, included the 60 minute Bob Harper cardio video. I save this for last every time, because I have difficulty moving every muscle in my body, for at least three days after doing it (at least until I build a tolerance!). For $9.99, I would advice everyone to give it a go:).

Anyway, I did it…I busted out. I couldn't walk well Saturday or Sunday, making my children fetch me things I needed, because it would hurt too much and/or take me too long to do. Sadly, they have begun to grow used to my needs after restarting my regime:)

Today, I was still feeling a little sketchy, but I got back in the saddle. After running like a zombie for about a half a mile, my legs started to ease their way out of constant contracting, and I got myself into a good pace!

I ran 4.7 miles today, in a minute less than last week….I felt great!

It's amazing how awesome I feel, everytime I get myself back on track with my exercise. I feel healthier, both physically and mentally…and I have energy again! Plus there is the added benefit of free wine calories!!:)

It often makes me wonder why I ever stop! ESPECIALLY, since it hurts so bad to start!



exorcise, health, humor, racing

A LITTLE Sweat Won’t Hurt ANYONE!

This is the day I decided to go burn off the wine I drank solidly, for the last few days. Its the day I decided I would force myself to hydrate, so to flush out my liver, and rejuvenate my skin!……The day to burn off all my stressors from the morning, after sending my daughter to school without her hair and teeth UNbrushed, because she didnt want to listen, and after having a pow wow meeting with the school counselor, regarding my sons frequent trips to the office!!!!…..I decided that TODAY….a good spinning class was in order!!

I'm fairly new when it comes to the spinning class, only trying it out within the last year. I've always run, but when I was becoming bored with running, I decided to try it out. I wouldn't exactly say I loved it at first….actually, I hated it! My body wasn't used to this nonsense, and I would want to quit in the first 15 minutes…. though my determination would NEVER allow that. However, I was so delirious the first few times, that when the class was over, and you were able to get off your bike…..I think I still kept peddling on the ground….or maybe that's just how I felt. I would be winded, my legs always hurt for a few days, and my lady parts would bother me from sitting in the bike saddle too long!!!

In time, I was able to better myself. My lady parts must have started to callus, and my stamina was better. I could last the whole class without cheating, and nothing hurt too unbearably bad! I even got good enough that I was able to start critiquing the instructors. I would start saying things like “It was a good workout, but the other lady is tougher”! OR “I really didnt get that winded today”. When I admit to this stuff out loud, I can see that I am an idiot, when I talk sometimes 🙂

I haven't been to the gym all summer, because its hard to get there with the kids home all day, plus there are plenty of activities to do outside. I figured that since it was the first time I'd “spun” in months that I would be starting from scratch, but I surprised myself. The new spinning instructor at the gym beat my ass for sure, but I kept up!!

Sweat was pooling down my body and off of my chin…my hair was soaking wet, and there was a pool of sweat on the floor, at my feet, where all the sweat was landing. At one point, during the hour, I must have got a little delirious, because I was holding my left arm up in the air, while peddling for several minutes, before I realized she was only holding her arm up to get everyone's attention, and was not in fact doing a new move, and was not holding it up nearly as long as I was!!!….Needless to say, I wished I was in the back row!!

There is just something about getting a good calorie burn, with nasty smelly sweat dripping everywhere to prove it. In my opinion, the more sweat…the better! I FEEL GREAT!

Sweating is DEFINATELY good for the soul….if in the proper setting :).

Anybody else feeling great after a good heart racing sweat???




cancer, exorcise, family, humor, kids, mom humor, parenting, racing, running

My Child Beat Your Child In A Race!

My daughter just had her first cross country meet this week! She was feeling nervous, but I think I was more nervous than her! I don't think it's fair for me to over trump her anxiety, but I've felt it so many times before, in my own races!

This was her first time running against her peers. All of her previous races were 5ks that I was doing, where she ran against hundreds of people that were older than her. She didnt have any chance of winning, or even being in the top 200!

I encouraged her to eat a small peanut butter sandwich and a banana to give her some fuel…and to hydrate. I was being bossy as usual, so I could have really gotten several different types of responses from her 🙂

This time, she accepted my advice, though she told me she was feeling too nervous to eat. Again, it reminded me of my own self forcing food down my esophagus, while vomit was trying to come up ……. We were bonding…a least in my mind.

On the way, we talked a small bit about her strategy, but mostly we traveled in silence…….both lost in our own bundles of nerves.

She was feeling determined to be one of the top 7 finishers, of the girls team at her school, so that she could be considered Varsity, and compete in the invitationals! Of course I wanted her to do well, but I though that she was putting too much pressure on herself! After all, this was her first year, and this was many of the girls third year.

As usual, I gave her a small lecture…or lesson if you will 🙂 I told her she shouldn't focus so much on beating other people, but instead I told her to focus on bettering her own time, and being a good sport. Since my kids never really win anything….I don't like when they set themselves up for failure.

I always say “If you don't THINK you can do it, you won't be disappointed if you don't succeed”. (LOL. I'm kidding, for any of you do gooders who think I'm ruining my kids self esteem!)

But seriously, I was worried about her high aspirations!

As we waited for the race to start, she was calming, and I was growing more nauseated.

Finally, the gun went off….

She was starting off too fast, I just knew it!!!…. I was becoming a wreck!!!

As she came around the first turn, she was holding strong in the top half! I couldnt believe it!! I was clapping like a mad woman, but when I went to scream “GO HANNAH”…..I couldn't!

Something was caught in my throat…a lump. AND at the same time I was welling up with tears…..at a simple 1.8 mile cross country meet!!!! Had I completely lost it????!!

The next time I saw her run by again….same thing! I was crying every time she passed by me, never once being able to yell her name… I was a Giant dork 🙂

As she finished, she looked depleted…she ran a good solid race. She refused to smack anyones hand and only glared at the people cheering for her, but I was still proud of her….though we may need to spend a little time practicing attitude :).

There were many girls way ahead of her, but I couldn't believe it when she told me she got fourth on her team!!!! She made varsity!!!!!

The moral of this story is….Believe in your children, because I had to eat crow.:)